Me 53 XW 50 M 18 Years +2 S14 D19 Bomb 10-24-10 Served 1-27-11 Mediate 4-21-11 Civil D Final 6-2-11 No church anullment "A man is not finished when he is defeated, he is finished when he quits."
Coached asked: "IAP, You responded on another thread that the OM in your sitch was your W's first H. Let me guess he dumped her?"
Actually I don't think so. She gave me the impression that she left him. She even changed her name back to her maiden name. They were young 19, only lasted a year or two. That was six years before we even met and she had had other BF's. So we really never discussed first M, exept to get an annulment so we could marry in the Catholic church
If W thinks getting a civil D will assuage her guilt, I'm afraid she's forsaken her faith as well as taken leave of her senses. Unless a tribunal grants her another annulment (which I cannot see any canon law grounds for) we will always still be married in the eyes of God and the church.
Me 53 XW 50 M 18 Years +2 S14 D19 Bomb 10-24-10 Served 1-27-11 Mediate 4-21-11 Civil D Final 6-2-11 No church anullment "A man is not finished when he is defeated, he is finished when he quits."
Second line was meant to read: "Link to last page."
Me 53 XW 50 M 18 Years +2 S14 D19 Bomb 10-24-10 Served 1-27-11 Mediate 4-21-11 Civil D Final 6-2-11 No church anullment "A man is not finished when he is defeated, he is finished when he quits."
Angel61 wrote: "I noted that lately with H as well. At first he was looking really good - slimmed down, looked 10 years younger, was grooming and preening. Suddenly, he aged and looks haggard and tired. But I think its the same with me. The problems and stress really takes their toll."
I had been meaning to run this by here, but I thought it might be a little silly.
My W is about 1/2 inch taller than I. When we first met and married etc. she always wore flats, never heels (for me). She "naturally" knew it would bother me for her to tower over or look down upon me.
For the past year or so (I can't remember exactly when it began) she's always in heels at least 2" to 3" and always in boots.
That is how I can tell that she's lost all respect for me.
There was a time earlier in the sitch when I was desperate to win her back, but as I detach further and further and heal from my wounds, the picture becomes clearer and clearer. I'm afraid the window of opportunity wherein I would accept her back is closing.
I know I can forgive her because of the diminished anger and/or resentment and genuine desire for her to also heal, but I have to wonder if in my soul I could ever be ready to take her back. That tells me that I HAVE TO move forward; there's no other choice.
Is fashion really an indication of disrespect or am I blowing that out of proportion?
Me 53 XW 50 M 18 Years +2 S14 D19 Bomb 10-24-10 Served 1-27-11 Mediate 4-21-11 Civil D Final 6-2-11 No church anullment "A man is not finished when he is defeated, he is finished when he quits."
Pickle, IMO your Ws choice to begin to wear heels over flats is less a sign of disrespect and more a conscious decision to do something to make herself feel more attractive. I am not saying she did not think about how much taller she would be and how that might make you feel, but I think this was probably a momentary thought.
IMO this is a feeling to acknowledge, and detach from. At the end of the day how significant is it?
This society places value on appearance. The manner we dress is a large component of that. Didn’t we all read a series of posts about leopard prints, pink shoes and retail therapy?
Ladies?
BITS Me 55, ACK, when did that happen? Doesn't feel like 55 D 30 S 27
You create your own universe as you go along - Winston Churchill
More journaling from the adoration chapel. Popped in to say a rosary today.
"Give her the D". That's what I sensed I was being told.
I questioned, "Why was it not clear to me before, why allow me to hang on and buy time?"
The answer: "God's timing, not mine, life is a process, I couldn't make it easy fo her at first."
Then something strange, a message in my inner ear: "Her image of me has been shattered."
But what image? I have no idea what that could mean. The skit may be? I haven't changed much. I enjoy my vices, and logic dictates, if I am to lose her, why give up the vices.
It could all be my imagination, but I do find great peace before the Blessed Sacrament.
Me 53 XW 50 M 18 Years +2 S14 D19 Bomb 10-24-10 Served 1-27-11 Mediate 4-21-11 Civil D Final 6-2-11 No church anullment "A man is not finished when he is defeated, he is finished when he quits."
"She "naturally" knew it would bother me for her to tower over or look down upon me."
You're reading too much into this. She's doing it to gain back her confidence from being single again.
This is the attitude you need to have. Confident and in control rather than holding onto resentments based on her actions. It's the resentments that's eroding your efforts and turning you bitter.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
Pickle, IMO your Ws choice to begin to wear heels over flats is less a sign of disrespect and more a conscious decision to do something to make herself feel more attractive. I am not saying she did not think about how much taller she would be and how that might make you feel, but I think this was probably a momentary thought.
When I was younger, I wanted my date to always be taller than me. I wasn't extremely tall, but I was a little self conscious about it. When I M my H, he was about two & 1/2 inches taller and I didn't wear heels that put me taller than him, but it had nothing to do with "respect". I never even considered it being a sign of disrespect if I was dressing to be taller. It didn't bother him.....it was me and my insecurities. As the years passed it didn't seem to matter if I was as tall or taller than my H, and I wore whatever I wanted.
Wearing high-heels might be part of your W's rebellion playing out, IDK. But I would say that it is more about "her" and the look she wants. Let's face it, flats are not very attractive when a woman is trying to look dressed up. And if she wants to look sexy, she better have some heels on. (Besides, we women feel younger.) I can tell you that wearing flats does not give me the same "feeling" as wearing high-heels. So, I think that she just reached a point of...."Forget him, I'm dressing up in a pair of real high-heels!" At her age, why not? She's wore flats all these years just b/c of not bruising your ego? Come on, Pickle.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Well, W has been a little more "communicative" the past few days. Yesterday, she encouraged me to buy a flat panel TV I'd been thinking about. She eagerly discussed a raccoon I had trapped the previous night.
She still avoids actaully spending time in the same room with me though. It almost feels like I've moved forward (emotionally) while she's still struggling. I don't know how she plans on living here and continue to avoid spending more than 5 mins in my presence at any one time. I don't understand where she is with that. Whatever.
Yes, I am finally off the rollercoaster. Havn't had a seratonin set back in over a week. My head is clear. All those hours in the chapel have brought me through to the other side.
I am pressing on with life, bought the TV. I am going to give her, her hearts desire (the D) and get out of her way. That's all I can do for now.
Me 53 XW 50 M 18 Years +2 S14 D19 Bomb 10-24-10 Served 1-27-11 Mediate 4-21-11 Civil D Final 6-2-11 No church anullment "A man is not finished when he is defeated, he is finished when he quits."
