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My mom's b-day is today. She would've been 79 today. So, I put on my FB page the following....

Happy Birthday Mom! You would have been 79 today. I plan to celebrate you today because you are my hero! You were the only person who never gave up on me when I was at my worst and did my worst. I miss you every day and I know that you are the angel on my shoulder who keeps guiding me to be my best every day.


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M: 48, H: 42 Kids: 0
T: 20 yrs M: 16 yrs. (H's 1st, my 2nd)
WAS/MLC: 12/7/09-I'm not the wife HE deserved
Came home per L: 12/26/09, Left again: 2/6/10
Served: 10/21/10, D FINAL: 6/15/11
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Originally Posted By: zengypsy
My mom's b-day is today. She would've been 79 today. So, I put on my FB page the following....

Happy Birthday Mom! You would have been 79 today. I plan to celebrate you today because you are my hero! You were the only person who never gave up on me when I was at my worst and did my worst. I miss you every day and I know that you are the angel on my shoulder who keeps guiding me to be my best every day.


That is really beautiful, zengypsy. Those are very touching words.


Me - 33 W - 33
S - 9 months
M - 3 years
T - 5.5 years
Bomb - 12/14/10 ILYBNILWY
PA discovered - 1/18/11
PA began - 3/22/10
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clicked too soon....

So STBXH sends me a msg on FB and said in the Subject Line...

Happy Birthday Luc (Lucille was her name and my H called her Luc for short)

Was thinking of your Mom today. She was a great lady!

I don't know whether I should respond or not. My hands were shaking when I saw he sent me a msg. He won't write anything on my wall for everyone to see, but he sends me a msg to keep it private. What I really want to tell him yes, she was and she'd be SO disappointed at what you've done to her daughter. The arrogance he has...ARGHHH. He promised her on her death bed that he would take care of me and D'g me is how he's taking care of me. I'm feeling a major mix of anger and sadness right now.

On his wall he puts Happy Valetines with hearts around it. All his work friends (mostly girls) made comments or said they "liked" his comment. Whatever! Feed that ego, feed that ego.

I seriously don't know what to make of this or not make of this. Would he have remembered it was her b-day if I didn't post something about it? Was this possibly another baby step? So confused and my hands are still shaking.


BITS

M: 48, H: 42 Kids: 0
T: 20 yrs M: 16 yrs. (H's 1st, my 2nd)
WAS/MLC: 12/7/09-I'm not the wife HE deserved
Came home per L: 12/26/09, Left again: 2/6/10
Served: 10/21/10, D FINAL: 6/15/11
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 76
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and i'm sorry about your mom, very beautiful post and it must be hard not to have her with you during this time. *hugs*

he did message that he was thinking of your mom today and seeing your post he probably felt he should let you know that. I'd say that's a positive. If you do respond just thank him do NOT spit out what you really want to say.. lol

and let him feed his darn ego, he probably has a gaping hole in his heart and needs to fill it somehow.


Me-41 H-34
T-9
M-8
10/21/10-BOMB
11/01/10-H moves out
01/27/12-H files

"Good memories tell you that your past was worth it, bad ones tell you that you were strong enough to go on"
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Btw...there was a slight dig at my STXH in that post for my mom on FB; this part..."You were the only person who never gave up on me when I was at my worst and did my worst."

I hope he got the correlation but his arrogance probably trumped everything else. He's such as a$$.


BITS

M: 48, H: 42 Kids: 0
T: 20 yrs M: 16 yrs. (H's 1st, my 2nd)
WAS/MLC: 12/7/09-I'm not the wife HE deserved
Came home per L: 12/26/09, Left again: 2/6/10
Served: 10/21/10, D FINAL: 6/15/11
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 667
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don't message him back
please
i feel you today and take yourself out and celebrate your mother
you know she is with you
and so are we
xo


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Originally Posted By: grr
don't message him back
please
i feel you today and take yourself out and celebrate your mother
you know she is with you
and so are we
xo



grr...not even to just say thank you?


BITS

M: 48, H: 42 Kids: 0
T: 20 yrs M: 16 yrs. (H's 1st, my 2nd)
WAS/MLC: 12/7/09-I'm not the wife HE deserved
Came home per L: 12/26/09, Left again: 2/6/10
Served: 10/21/10, D FINAL: 6/15/11
Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 310
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Zen, he won't get the correlation. He's an alien. You have to bluntly beat an alien in the head before they see something sometimes. wink Don't worry about it.

I think he wanted a way to touch base with you and that's how he did it. It was a safe way for him to reach out and say he's thinking of you without a romantic overtone to it.

I'm not sure you should respond. I think you should post another, more upbeat, status update so he doesn't think you're wallowing in sadness by yourself today.


Me - 38, 2nd M, no living children, 1 forever 6 yr old boy
H - 44, 3rd M, twins 16

Dating 4/07
M 10/08
Bomb #1 12/10
Bomb #2 1/11
Bomb #3 12/11
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Run it past the BITS first though, Zen!!!


Me - 38, 2nd M, no living children, 1 forever 6 yr old boy
H - 44, 3rd M, twins 16

Dating 4/07
M 10/08
Bomb #1 12/10
Bomb #2 1/11
Bomb #3 12/11
Joined: May 2009
Posts: 2,375
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Zen,

Stop.

Tell me this...

Even though your H probably didn't get it...

What did you get out of the dig that you put on FB?

Were you expecting a reaction from him?

And then you got upset by his message to you about your mom, which was a kind comment...

I realize you just got D papers, and I am sorry that you had to go through that....

However, you must feel your feelings without taking it out on him or looking for a reaction from him...

Honestly, it seems like you are looking for a fight right now.



"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
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