About eight or nine years ago I was using the DB Forum trying to save my almost nine year marriage. I was not able to save the marriage. After some time I was married again to a wonderful woman.
My new wife had a son who was 5 years old, this boy filled my heart and he became my son. When we first got married everything was going so well, I was so happy and I believe my wife was too.
There were some struggles because my wife is from Russia originally and it was a big cultural adjustment. Things started to go bad when within our first year of marriage, my mother-in-law came for a visit. My mother-in-law took all the attention of my wife and son. My mother-in-law stayed for three month the first visit and on the second visit a year later she stayed for 5 month. My mother-in-law say everything as negative and was upset that her grandson was becoming an American boy instead of a Russian boy.
Anyway...my wife has been visiting Russia for a few months and today she sent me an email saying she cannot return because she does not want to leave Russia, and that maybe she does not love me enough to live in the US. She did not ask for a divorce yet, but right now I am unable to call her since she is visiting her friends in another city, and she said she will talk to me next week. She is supposed to be flying back to me next week.
I am so sad because I really love her and her son. I believe she loves me too, but her mother I believe has pressured her as well as friends not to return. How can you work on getting back together when someone lives so far away? How can you combat a mother-in-law that is possessive and very needy?
My wife does not have a phone with her now and I do not have her friend’s number. My wife I believe does not want to talk to me because I would probably be able to talk her in to returning on her scheduled flight next. I am not trying to call her because she said she would talk to me next week. I am giving her space. I know to chase her will not help.
Right now I feel like I am dying inside. I am a good man and have tried to make her happy in every way. I can't see living my life without her or our son. The story is too hard to tell of our life, our meeting, but needless to say I am so sad to see this relationship in such trouble and most likely ending. We started out with such happiness and promise. I'm just sad because the situation in Russia is one where she most likely will never marry and my step-son (my son) will most likely not have a father or male figure in his life. I cannot believe the choice she is making. All my friends, including my Russian female friends, cannot believe she would turn her back on a man who loves her and a man who has taken her son to be his own.
Any ideas on how to work on a relationship from several thousands of miles? I know I can work on myself and try to improve myself, but that only will go so far. I am so sad.
Hi, I am really sorry to hear your story. I know what it is like to try and DB when you are thousands of miles away. I think it's important you don't persue her or 'argue' her out of her decision. Maybe others can give you better advice, but it's best you validate her feelings. It's hard to live in another country/culture and not feel drawn back to your country of origin, especially when there are parents involved who cannot let their grown up children lead their own lives. Your wife needs to make a decision about her future, her independence. You cannot do that for her. Hopefully others will be along to lend some support and give you advice. Take care
Me 36; H 40 baby born in May M:13, T:15 Bomb (OW): Dec 09 began DBing: Feb WH overseas with OW old: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2027369#Post2027369
I'm sorry you are here, but at you know this is a good place. I have two questions for you. What is her residency status in the U.S. and how long have you been married?
M:37 W:34 M:4 years T:6 years No Kids A disclosed - 9/1/2010 W asks for separation - 10/19/2010 Moving on - 10/24/2010 A ends (and I believe her) - 12/2010 Content - 3/1/2011 Served - 3/18/2011 D Day - 6/20/2011
Thanks Piano for your thoughts. It is so hard letting her go, but I know I cannot force her into a future she does not want.
NotFromThesePart, thanks. My wife has Permanent Residency Green Card. My wife has been out of the country now for 4.5 months and more than 6 months she is looked on as not intending to return to the US. If she is gone longer than around 6 months we might have to apply for another conditional visa and start all over again, which took us 9 months last time. We have been married now for 2.5 years.
gucci loafer - Thanks for your interest. I have. I am hoping to talk with her next week and try to offer again. It is difficult because we had just bought a house. I told her we could live anywhere, but it will take time. I don't think she wants to wait. I have to see when I talk to her if there are other reasons other than just living in the US why she is not returning. I love Russia and I do not mind living there even though I am not sure how I will support my family. I speak only basic Russian. I will walk over glass to be with my family. I will give up all to be with them. My career in the US means nothing to me without them.
I have to see when I talk to her if there are other reasons other than just living in the US why she is not returning.
Yes, you do need to get to the bottom of it..
Let us know what she says. No matter what you hear others say on here, sometimes we DO need to mindread our women. The wise man learns how and why he should. Be wise.
Thanks gucci loafer. She told me the main reason is that she wants to live in Russia, so that means there are other reasons too. If some of the reasons are me, then we are really in trouble. I am hoping the other reasons are not related to me and my personal relationship with her, our son or her mother. I have not always treated her mother the best because we are both in competition for the attention of my wife. I have realized I need to be better than I have been and find someway to make her mother realize that I am not out displace her in her daughter's life. We can both share. How come wisdom seems to come too late sometimes? We get blinded until we lose what we have.
