H has taken to brandishing a mortgage review form demanding that `we` make a decision. Telling me that I had wanted the separation and that he would be moving before Christmas. And that it was now a question of where the children would be spending Xmas-with him or me.
I stayed calm with all of that. Reiterated my statement that I am willing to go to marriage counselling. If he wanted to move out though I accept his decision too but that I wouldn`t sign anything without solicitors advice. H was very angry with that wanted me to agree to custody arrangements too.
He said "I don`t love you" All that on Saturday when he knew I was sick-sick enough to cancel a night out with gfs. H has a pattern of going after me when I`m feeling low.
I can see that H is very very much stuck in anger/bitterness mode. He is almost dangerously angry with me.He is trying to pick fights-says I`m irrational and confused-but I`m resisting the bait.
I`m dealing with a very unhappy man that wants us all to feel the pain. H threatened to leave before Xmas last year but I was devastated at the thoughts of the children`s Xmases being marked with that and begged him to stay til January. Mid summer he admitted he didn`t know what he was thinking to suggest the preXmas exit. Yet here he is, back at it again.
My feeling now is that it is important that I don`t stop him. Let him go.
Yes, it hurts to be told "IDNLY" but it only confirms how I have felt with H`s treatment of me over the years-unloved by him.
I do get that he`s crippled emotionally and the hows and whys of that but he doesn`t need me meddling with that work.
He did the exact same thing last xmas, didn't he! Really horrible build up, wanted out just the same. He cannot handle the xmas season at all, brings it all out in him.
I get that you do not want to stand in the way of his choice, but can you ask him to postpone it until after xmas for the kids at least?
How concerned are you for your safety right now, Fallgirl? I know that you also felt this way last xmas, do you feel the need to defuse the situation as a top priority in this area, or do you think he is just blowing of steam?
Yes, H did threaten to leave before Xmas last year. I persuaded him to postpone til January for the kids sakes.
In summer he said he didn`t know what he was thinking when he`d said he`d move out before Xmas.
The fact that he could leave the kids with a memory like that for all their Chrismasses spurred me to seek legal separation.
Now he`s back at the same trick.
I`m not going to stop him this time. He finds decisions-and accepting responsibility for them-difficult. He needs me to take control and hates that I take control at the same time.
I`m calm around him. I`m not bringing up the topic again-he knows why I stalled on moving forward with the legal separation-I had a little hope for a while-but if he`s decided to go that`s his decision.
Its like dealing with Jekyll and Hyde.He`ll do anything to try to upset me when he`s in this mood.
