the further we get away from it I believe the healthier it is for us.
for me i so so so loved the highs.. but i can't live the life of a yo yo anymore.. it isn't healthy.
WOW !!! That sounds like me with my H. You are divorced, am I right ? I haven't made that decision YET. Not in a rush for many reasons. 1st - it is my first fall /winter holidays without him. 2nd - I am trying to live one day at a time, just being patient and lastly, he pays my mortgage, why should I break my piggy bank. Let my savings grow until I REALLY need it plus I haven't even dated anyone thus why the rush for the divorce.
My H left me physically March 20, 2010. Came back to me to reconcile on July 1st, broke up with the OW on July 3rd BUT we had a roller coaster ride since then. The first 3 weeks of November were very good then BAM. I, quite by accident, found him on Plenty of Fish, a dating site, looking for an easy going female to have a long term relationship with. WTF ?!?!
I purposely set up an account to reply to him and guess what he wrote, " this is awkward, I never thought we would be exchanging emails on a site like this." Is he NUTS or what ???
Yesterday he sent me an email asking how I am and do I want seltzer water. R U KIDDING ME is how I responded back to him. No apology, no explanations. He never replied back.
I assume he is going to have a string of women.
I am soooo over this. He is going to be 58 in December, I am 56. My sons' girls told me how my sons are upset, the oldest even cries. They don't say squat to their dad. I assume a guy thing. BUT I know they aren't happy with everything.
I have been following the teachings of Buddhism and it helps me. Those philosophies are basically what my life coach was teaching me but he called it his own program.
According to Buddhism, Life is full of sorrow and sadness, it is how we learn to handle it. No expectations, just make ourselves happy by the small things in life.
My life reminds me of a soap opera and I always HATED them. Funny, how everyone from my sister to my friends tell me what is making my H act this way. My sister, a nurse, keeps saying, " he is a player. He was never committed. Remember how he was when first getting married, he wasn't all that into the idea but I think he felt he should get married.
Maybe she is right. I will never know. Just learn how to accept it.
and finding tht peace within and keeping focused on it in the new R not losing sight of all we are now just enjoying a new friendship --thats it we will jnot lose what weve gained and no new R will take it it is ours- it is scary and so exciting and fun have fun tonight!!! Peace
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
peace- scary journey for sure! My evenning was amazing - he is a wonderful guy.. wounded with things that he needs to go through.
through this - the divorce- the hurt i have met myself again. going through so much of the pain that was built in my past... so much. and now i have become free.
then in walks new guy. we are not exclusive-- he is not ready and to be honest it has been too soon. he has to work through his divorce- and to be honest it is not pretty.
but what it has unraveled is some of the old me popping out and i do NOT like who she was. it was the needy clingy girl who wants him in her life. but he is a strong man -- the kinda i want long term (not just him but a man like him) and strong men do NOT like needy women.
my x is now broke up wiht move in #2 (which is gf #kazillion). she is still living there.. long story. ANYWAY I look at him and see the same man who walked out on me, broke my heart -- he has not grown or changed. HE is the same. AND I DONT WANT to be hte same girl that attracts needed men anymore.
So... a new journey is beginning for me.. the non-codependent woman. This journey is a new one... for the strong independent person I am and was all along.
M-20 years/BOMB 12/24/06 Moved out 3/12/07 D final 7/30/2008 finding myself again
I have been reading along, not really having anything to add as you navigate these new waters...until now.
Funny, you brought up the very thing I think about when it comes to (finally) dating again. I also noticed tendencies that I had that I just did not like. Things my xh didn't like, either, that I had brought right into a new situation.
For me, I wasn't really ready for any kind of relationship, so I picked someone emotionally unavailable..then repeated my life with my h, as I tried to get him to be more available. I guess old habits die hard. I see now that it was kind of my way of testing my own self-worth. Kinda dumb, since it was not a true test.
Anyway, I am glad you are seeing this so early on. Take your time. You deserve nothing but the best!
What you said about strong men don't like needy woman..... so true. Unhealthy men want needy, clingy, dependent woman. We have to stay away from those men... stay away, stay away..... These are men who can't give us anything but pain and abandonment.
You have grown so much, you will thrive.
Your ex is a total mess.
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
Good weird weekend. Lots going through this head of mine and really really glad I see my counselor this weekend!!
Feelings for new guy are real but i know how much he really needs a friend. I am physically attracted to him - and really just like him. BUT I can't have him... not now. Maybe later I don't know.
In my own head I am going backwards... TOTAL friend mode. TOTAL. I can/should date (I guess though I don't want to seek it) and I need to continue on this journey for myself. I am strong now - so much stronger. I love not being codependent and needing to have someone tell me that I have any worth. It is so strange but so wonderful.
New friend has his kids this week and I think it is probably good... a step back to regroup for me. We match in many ways -- It is strange.
It is also amazing being able to make a male friend who is going through what I went through. He is so much further ahead then I was at the same time. But his heart his so torn. Oh how i remember that. The emptiness - the lack of any feeling... just yuck.
Now me? I am living again. So much to learn about me.. hmm wonder what the next year will be like
M-20 years/BOMB 12/24/06 Moved out 3/12/07 D final 7/30/2008 finding myself again
you are not dead yet, Cagz......enjoy the positive emotions
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
my x is psychotic and i ma not lieing!! HE just applied for a rentall house in our old neighborhood!!! didnt even think about the effect that it might have on our daughter. what an idiot. The house he is renting is even the same floor plan as what we lived in!! the house is at the BASE of our street. (we lived in a double cul-da-sac!!) ANYWAY he is an idiot.
i have had way to much contact with him lately.. ugh. he just is an idiot!! Found out more info aobutr him and his finances this week... ugh.
God is good though -- supplying above and beyond for me. so wierd.
New guy--- ahh new guy. yeah it is good. SLOW and he is sweet and all that garbage. lol. Spending time with him on SUnday and really looking forward to it. yep really am.
we talk/text pretty much every day.. but we ar ejust friends. UGH so confusing .. just frieneds that are attracted to each other. lol
oh well this is what it is .. the way it should be.
still confusing... so ready to talk to my counselor!! Actually ben praying that God iwll give him discernment.
M-20 years/BOMB 12/24/06 Moved out 3/12/07 D final 7/30/2008 finding myself again
