Oh please please please communicate what you vented to Dan. He needs to get some clue of how rude, inconsiderate, and basically downright abusive he is being.
Whether it's by text, or snail mail, or email - Actually, probably not email, people use that too much to say 'difficult' things - please get the message to him. I know it's easier to keep the peace for the good of the kids, but (and I'm projecting my own sitch here) you'll have great difficulty moving on and (if you want to) have a healthy relationship with someone who treats you (and themselves) with respect and love.
As an observer I would take out the more emotional parts of your message and combine it with TH's message to read something similar to this:
"You know what, Dan? It's NOT okay. We have our children and that means we will always be dealing with each other but enough is enough. I am not accepting your rudeness and abusive outbursts any more. Unless you can address me with respect and civility, do not contact me at all."
Or something like that. Word it so that you would be proud to have it read out in court. He is so out of line it's not even slightly amusing.
I know how hard it is to detach. I can see many similarities in our sitches. I think it's why I follow along with you and have done so for aagges. I just think it's wrong that he has no 'stupid filter' that makes him think he can unload on you whenever things don't go his way. At least mine (h) appears to have gotten over that 'spewage'.
Hugs to you you wonderful woman
** Purple
As soon as you trust yourself you will know how to live. Goethe
Hey, maybe all the road construction in Toronto is getting on Dan's nerves. I know it grates on mine! Seriously, I understand where you're coming from BBJ. When you 're raising children together you want to be as civil as possible and have a healthy R in whatever way you can. You want to preserve that but he's making it very difficult. Abuse does not make for good R's! I agree with the others, you need to set some boundaries and enforce them. Let him know that you will not tolerate his outbursts and will not respond to such nonsense in the future. He sure is a man with problems isn't he and, as strange as this sounds, be glad you're you and not him. You're doing better by miles!
(((((BobbiJo))))) I think I agree with Purple. Dan needs to be told "it's not ok". He will lash out in response, which you can either ignore, or send the exact same "not ok" message back. In fact, save it, so you can send it again, every time he crosses the line.
As has been mentioned he is broken. And shows no signs of wanting to try to become non=broken.
Bbj, I wish for you to find out what it is that really holds you hostage to him. Emotionally. Because it aint healthy and it isnt going away although time does fly.
These messages he sends you... OMG!! What a JERK!! He has crossed every and any line he could have during your R and he continues to blame you? My favourite guy used to say Dan is broken. He is not only broken. He is worse than that.
Accept the fact that you made the wrong choice and leave him behind in his mess. Hugs K
Grrrrrr is what I will say about this to be nice. Here is the rock bottom truth. Everyone of our kids have the same desire as yours do 'to see their family together'. Everyone of us wanted to be married to our spouse forever. We get that.
BUT:
It's not going to happen. I worry that like it effects you... it effects the kids seeing to much "mommie-daddy" time. I think after they get to see you do things apart for a while (year or so) then you can add in things together.
This is the reality. This is their future so holding on to the past.... the notion that you are a family (the four of you) is a lie. Stop that girl!
Kids ask for things that are bad for them all the time, because they don't know better. Your kids need to see the seperation between you and Dan.
I know your not ready but when you are if you have this much contact with Dan..... it will make it harder on the kids to let a new man enter their lives. Plus, no other man is going to want Dan sending you nasty grams.
Big 2x4: I think you need to consider the possibility that you are using the kids as an excuse to (subconsciously) have more Dan time.
Sure, some Divorced people can do this, but your not one of them because Dan is a sicko.... if he were normal.... it would be possible...but he is not.
We all want our kids to have family time.... but the truth is.... we arent' that family anymore and you do an amazing job with your kids..... let Dan figure out his own family time.
Love you Girl!
M:47 M:18 D16, S19 1st S 1/08-5/08 Reconciled/May 7, 2008 Left again Nov 9, 2009 I Filed: Nov 17, 2009 Final: April 14, 2010 EX walked away from kids too
you deserve to be loved the way that is right for you
"love your neighbor as yourself"
you are responsible for your own happiness
decide who you are - what you believe, your values and morals then act accordingly
You can handle it. Look yourself in the mirror and say it out loud to yourself.
Cheers
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
It's weird bc he has mentioned many times how he doesn't like women, he doesn't trust women, women are manipulative, etc but he said it just like that, in the general sense. This is the first time he decided to say it was because of ME...and yeah he is the one who cheated and lied repeatedly so it is almost FUNNY that I would be the reason for a lack of trust???
Total reverse psychology. He has to make it seem like it's YOUR fault that he cheated in order to justify it. Love zumba, too, btw.
Originally Posted By: BobbiJo
Only, he got naked and I could see he had...genital warts. WTF???
What kind of crazy ass dream is that???
Maybe it's your subconscious telling you that he is one giant ball of herpes.
I'm with Wii... you do need to set some boundaries with him. Let him know that him texting you all his BS is not going to fly w/ you and isn't appreciated and you won't accept it!
"You have really ruined my ability to ever have any faith or trust in women...staggering"
Fire Truth Dart #1 ! "you shouldn't have faith or trust in women the way you treat them."
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
How to let go? I am the poster-child for holding on with a death-grip...
It came down to me "collecting" all the hideous things my x did and said and reading them every day. I also had a list of things about me, my strengths, how I was coping, good things in my life, now. That, and time, helped move me forward...
