Remember LG, the best love is tough love. All this stuff sounds hard, but it is in your best interests to understand that regardless of delivery, we all want you to get the best advice possible to save yourself.
If the paychecks come in your name, into a checking acct with your name on it. Go get your money and take care of your teeth so you can get employment if you need it. She isn't going to do squat. She's breaking the law (you too btw) on many fronts. What's she going to do? Call the cops? One word from you and her sweet deal will evaporate faster than dew in the desert. As a matter of fact, she cannot take the chance of D-ing you. All her cover is provided by you as her H. She's even laundering her income through your business for tax purposes.
Let her know that you're already at rock bottom and are willing to take her down with you. Then start driving your own life. You have ALL the power here. Once you realize that, doing what's neccesary to be the man and doing it with calm and control becomes easy.
Get out there and take back your life!
ADAPT. OVERCOME. IMPROVISE. -Tom Highway
Me: 43 W: 40 S12 & S9 Married 17yrs Together 20yrs
Unfortunatly things didn't go good at all today. It's over, so now I need to stop worrying about the divorce and work on myself. I am a very weak person and need to find a way to improve my self-esteem and appearance.
She called and started to b*tch about things. I told her I wanted my tooth money and she initially refused and laughed at me for even thinking that she would give it to me. I then threatened her with taking half the house and calling welfare on her so she changed her mind. Told her I wanted it today, but she said it was impossible and that she would give me the money at the end of the week. I told her that she had until tomorrow night. She will not end the EA/PA and said that she has witnesses that say that I am gay (which I am not). I dropped the major bomb and told her that I believe in karma and the reason why she has cancer is because karma is coming back for her.
I know I did wrong by the things I said and the way I said them, but at this point...I don't really care anymore. I don't care if everything is exposed and we are in huge trouble with the IRS or end up in jail. I don't care what happens to her anymore. I guess you could say that I finally got my balls back. Now I just need to concentrate on myself so that I don't feel so depressed all the time.
Unfortunatly things didn't go good at all today. It's over, so now I need to stop worrying about the divorce and work on myself. I am a very weak person and need to find a way to improve my self-esteem and appearance.
She called and started to b*tch about things. I told her I wanted my tooth money and she initially refused and laughed at me for even thinking that she would give it to me. I then threatened her with taking half the house and calling welfare on her so she changed her mind. Told her I wanted it today, but she said it was impossible and that she would give me the money at the end of the week. I told her that she had until tomorrow night. She will not end the EA/PA and said that she has witnesses that say that I am gay (which I am not). I dropped the major bomb and told her that I believe in karma and the reason why she has cancer is because karma is coming back for her.
I know I did wrong by the things I said and the way I said them, but at this point...I don't really care anymore. I don't care if everything is exposed and we are in huge trouble with the IRS or end up in jail. I don't care what happens to her anymore. I guess you could say that I finally got my balls back. Now I just need to concentrate on myself so that I don't feel so depressed all the time.
LG,
Eat well. Exercise. Get sleep.
Don't threaten. Decide what YOU want to do, then do it. Don't let her push your buttons. Don't let your emotions control your actions. Do The Right Thing, even when it's hard.
Well I decided that she can have the OM. I'm not going to fight for her anymore and she won't stop seeing him or having him spend the night. Found out from family members that she changed her FB profile from married to was married, now in a relationship- it's complicated. a couple of my family members responded back by saying she is sick and that of course it's complicated when you cheat on your husband. I don't have a FB account so I cannot personally see what she says.
I decided to cut off all ties and get my name taken off of everything associated with her. First order of business for me was to get rid of her email address she has on my business domain. I actually just changed the password and looked through the remaining emails. Nothing that bad, but did notice that her FB profile is linked to that email addres. Was thinking of changing her FB password to lock her out of the site.
This is going to be a very bad legal battle during the divorce, but I've decided that since she didn't give me a chance or play fair that I'm going to bring out all the big guns and try to get as much as I can, no matter what legal problems may arise. Then her OM probably won't want her anymore when she ends up with hundreds of thousand of dollars in debt when the welfare dept make her pay for all back payments and reimburse her for the expensive surgery she just had.
I'm just waiting to get the tooth money tomorrow before I start the process. If she doesn't give it to me then there will be a full blown war. I know I shouldn't be vindictive, but in my case I think that revenge could be sweet and eventually hurt her even more than she has hurt me.
Try slowing down just a bit. I know that you are hurting but it is never good to make huge, life-altering decisions based on emotion, feelings, pain etc. Yesterday, you were mowing the grass and doing her route because you wanted her to know you were willing to work on things and today you are ready to throw her under the bus. Your emotions are in control right now and you need to take some time to decompress, think about your goals, think about strategies to achieve them and make sure that ultimately, you are doing what is right and best for you and your M.
When people here say you need to "man up", it usually means to quit letting a spouse walk all over us. It doesn't mean to go on the offensive in a "damn the torpedoes" fashion. What are your goals? If I were in your shoes, I would focus on getting the money for your oral surgery because that is going to help you improve your life. It will help you with you confidence and help you with obtaining more gainful employment which is a good thing. After this step, you keep building yourself up until you will eventually know what is the best step to take with your R.
Originally Posted By: lonelyguy
I'm just waiting to get the tooth money tomorrow before I start the process. If she doesn't give it to me then there will be a full blown war. I know I shouldn't be vindictive, but in my case I think that revenge could be sweet and eventually hurt her even more than she has hurt me.
Do you really want this? How is it going to help YOU? Confucious said "Before embarking on the journey of revenge, dig two graves". Do you really want to invite more pain into your life right now? Try to get the money for the oral surgery and move forward in a very controlled and informed fashion from there. The people here can help you with that approach. Improve yourself, don't take steps that will make things worse for you.
Not too much news to report today. Text her and asked if she would have my teeth money as promised later tonight. She text back and said that we needed to speak and be cordial in person. I can do that, but my main goal is getting the money so that I can get the oral surgery I really need. I know we shouldn't be doing things in text, but usually that is the only way to get in contact with her. Maybe she wants to meet because she is mad I locked her out of her email account. In any event I am ready to meet and hopefully there will be no fighting. Guess it will be a true test. Still don't know if it's going to be tonight or not, but sure hope so.
I know things are rough right now. You probably want to curse, yell and scream about how bad things are between you and your W.
Do that here.
If you direct your anger at your W, things are going to blow up and get out of control fast. Don't do any more damage by starting fights, calling names or worse.
Leave her Facebook and email alone. It only makes you look crazy when she tells her friends and family what you've done.
Be the better person. You may not be able to save your M, but at least you can hold your head high.
Do something for me.
Take a break for 24 hours to let everything cool down.
Don't talk to her, email or text her. If she tries to contact you, let it go to voice mail. If she confronts you about being out of contact, tell her you needed some time to think, then walk away.
The good news is that I have been getting about 8 hours of sleep a night lately. Also walked about 5 miles today. Only thing I need to work on is eating right. I've lost about 50 lbs since in the past 60 days and only eat once a day if that. I just have no appetite and when I do and cook something as simple as a burger I end up burning the damn thing...lol.
I know things are rough right now. You probably want to curse, yell and scream about how bad things are between you and your W.
Do that here.
If you direct your anger at your W, things are going to blow up and get out of control fast. Don't do any more damage by starting fights, calling names or worse.
Leave her Facebook and email alone. It only makes you look crazy when she tells her friends and family what you've done.
Be the better person. You may not be able to save your M, but at least you can hold your head high.
Do something for me.
Take a break for 24 hours to let everything cool down.
Don't talk to her, email or text her. If she tries to contact you, let it go to voice mail. If she confronts you about being out of contact, tell her you needed some time to think, then walk away.
Take things one day at a time. You can do this.
Good Luck, Eeyore No More
I will do that for you. I will not be in contact at all with the W today.
