I won't scold you for snooping...sometimes we just get the best of ourselves. I think maybe you should take off for a few days. Tell her you want to get away to relax.
Aaah, Jethro. You know better than to do that. Oh well, it can't be undone. She's not just giving you mixed messages, she's giving mixed messages in the e-mail as well.
If you really need to get away, let me know. You can come hang at my pad for awhile. You can even bring your D if W needs some time alone. I've got more toys around here than she can handle. Yes, my kids are completely spoiled.
And it would be nice to be able to cook some "adult" food. Hmmm, adult food brings up images of some exotic pastry or something. Scratch that thought. Let me rephrase by saying it would be nice to be able to cook some food that my kids won't turn their noses up at.
Jim
I know God won't give me anything I can't handle. I just wish He didn't trust me so much.
Quoting jethro: I'm really interested in what you guys think about her watching ME???
No doubt there are alot of questions running through her mind about you. You also mentioned she sees the pain in your eyes. How long do you think she can live with looking into those eye and continue seeing the pain? In your short time DBing, she has noticed a lot of changes in you? Are they for real? Will they last? How will you change now that you know she had an A? Will that erase all the good changes you made? ... and so on ....
jethro, she is teetering on the fence not sure which side she wants to be on. Refocus on your DBing. Time to get back to doing what worked to draw her closer and making sure the change you made is consistant and unwavering while allowing time to heal. You need to find your way back to enjoying the time you have and working towards making each day better than day before. If that means allowing her space to deal with her, gladly let her have it. You said you are getting better at recogninze when she needs it, that's good.
Quote: Now, I know I shouldn't be doing this, but I have snooped before
Well, I have done the same thing and am not too proud either. I do think she is still watching you wondering if it is for good (the changes).
I know what you mean about getting away for a few days. It seems I fight the "fight or flight" a lot lately. Of course, maybe some down time might help, since you see each other everyday. If you decide to come to KC (doubtful -too darn cold), Zero12 and I can set you up w/some good bar-b-que.
shame on you for snooping but you know what, we've all done it even the ones who you'd never ever think would did at one time, eventually you learn it never ever ever works for any good.
re your wife watching you, I think KAW is right she doesn't want to see that pain in your eyes and hey why not focus on the fact that she was looking in your eyes in the first place not the pain that she saw.
this is all going to take a while, there will be up's and downs along the way. wish I had more to say right now, but I'm kinda in my own little fog and have a 3 year old who is very very very very very very tired right now and beggin for more go-gurt which he is not likley to eat all of anyway! ugh! I need a nap!
Quoting cooper:I won't scold you for snooping...sometimes we just get the best of ourselves. I think maybe you should take off for a few days. Tell her you want to get away to relax.
Thanks for the visit, cooper. Yes, getting away for a few days might be very therapeutic for me. I'm thinking along the lines of some nice, relaxing, Yoga retreat in the mountains. A place I can meditate, read a lot, and get my head straight to redouble my DBing efforts!
Quoting U:If you really need to get away, let me know. You can come hang at my pad for awhile. You can even bring your D if W needs some time alone. I've got more toys around here than she can handle.
Jim, thanks for that invite. I've been thinking about it. Thing is, my sister just had some serious surgery, so I kind of want to gauge what's going on on that front. Also, my S (9) would be upset if I only brought my little girl. I was actually thinking of coming by myself really...although, it would do the W good to have some time to herself.
Quoting RJJ:Come on over, any time!
RJJ, you're such a sweetie! I probably would if you were not 2500 miles away!
Quoting KAW:she is teetering on the fence not sure which side she wants to be on. Refocus on your DBing. Time to get back to doing what worked to draw her closer and making sure the change you made is consistant and unwavering while allowing time to heal. You need to find your way back to enjoying the time you have and working towards making each day better than day before.
I fully agree, KAW. I just needed to hear it from someone else. It's time to go back to DR, Chapter 1. The only thing (and a big thing) I've achieved to date is getting my W to refocus on our M (kind of). She is watching me closely for the changes, but I don't know why? I mean, really. Why are these changes so important to her? I'm really trying to understand. Do you think it's because she wants me to be the strong one in this situation...be the rock that brings everything together? Hmmmm...that would be like your sitch, KAW... Or maybe me being a stronger person will make it easier for her to leave...
Quoting LL:eventually you learn it never ever ever works for any good.
Already have.
Quoting LL:this is all going to take a while, there will be up's and downs along the way.
I know. I have to keep telling myself that. You know, I wish I had a jet pack to hover next to the roller coaster that my W is on! Ahhh...detaching!
Just feeling kind of crummy today. My sister just had surgery, so I'm feeling concerned about her, and my W is in full WAW mode right now...very distant. This sucks!
Quoting LL: I called ow myself and let her have it!! she said she was nothing and I corrected her telling her she was a peice of [censored] and WE are flushing her down the toilet, that she had better stay there cause if she didn't I'd get the plunger and shove her back down!!
I just had to quote that. I have said a few choice words to W, but not OM. Boy I am afraid of what I might do if I ever found out for sure that our M was over. OM would have his hands full for a while I think.
J,
I think backing off for a while is a good thing. W said she needs a little break, so give it to her. Let her leave for a night to be alone, or you go stay somewhere for a couple of days if you have to. Dont need to push this thing anymore than you have to.
You know what happens when you open a door too fast? It slams back shut.
FLoyd The grass is always GREENER over the septic tank.
I was actually thinking of coming by myself really...although, it would do the W good to have some time to herself.
