He showed up over an hour late with the kids. I was letting it slide as it was Father's day.
I was outside walking the dog when he pulled into the driveway.
I saw that bimbo was in the passenger seat.
I decided to remain calm and did not approach the car.
Ex got out and went to the trunk to retrieve the boys bags.
The boys were still in the car.
Very calmly I asked ex if he would show me a little respect and not bring her to my house again.
Right away he threw the bookbags forcefully in my direction but they did not hit me. He then charged toward me and got right in my face and pointed his finger in my face and stood really close.
He yelled, "Which one of you two is trying to send me to jail?"
By "two" I guess he meant my lawyer or me. Ex may get sent to jail if he does not pay me the 15k he owes me. I am still waiting to here from family court if his downward modification will be accepted. So far the judge isn't bying his crap.
I backed up and then he got in my face again and murmered something about father's day.
I backed up again and went right to the door and said, "that's it, I am calling the police."
I grabbed the dog and ran inside immediately locking the door behind me and I then heard a loud bang against the door.
I went and called the police and ex left with the kids.
While I was waiting for the police to come one of my gfs TM me to see if I was ok. She said she saw ex at the shopping center down the road with two police cars.
He called the police on me and stated that we got into an argument, he threw the bookbags on the ground and then I told him to get off the property, so he left.
of course that is not what happened.
The police came and they called up their boss to see if they could arrest him.
Another police officer escorted ex back to the house so he could drop the kids off.
Unfortunately the police said they really did not have enough on him to make anything stick but they told me to go to family court and seek an order of protection.
They also told ow not to come to my house again or she would be charged with trespassing. She argued with them but they told her I have every right to say she is not allowed on my property. She finally agreed to it.
It pissed me off as I do not go to their house, I leave them alone, just show me a little respect and don't allow her to come here.
Ex is just getting nasty as he knows he has a good chance of losing in court.
It sounds like you handled everything exactly like you should have. What an idiot, having a temper tantrum because he is not getting his way. My ex did the same thing, brought OW right to my house. I pretended she was not even there. To answer your question, does it end? Not as long as your kids are still minors.
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
I'm very sorry this is happening to you. I do understand how you feel, I've been through much of what you have been through, and might I give you something to think about.....
I understand you were frightened, and so you should be. Your boys have wittnessed enough too. They are probably just as frightened for you, yet, don't really know how to express their feelings. Let them know you are okay, give them a big hug, let them know they are safe.....
With this, I second the Officer's sentiment, fill out the papers for the Order. Bring your Friend as a witness when you do so, have her include what she saw.
Secondly, demand a neutral place for exchanging the children. This is something you can do, even on your own, however, it might be best if you get your attorney on it too. I found exchanging the kids outside the Police station kept the negativity away from my home. In front of the Police station keeps everyone on their best behavior too. You can ask for an escort, and an officer will be sent to watch the exchange. The Police do this all the time, and it's especially helpful when you have an order of protection. You have an automatic witness to anything else he may want to try.
It keeps things calm and cool for the children, and then they don't have to fear coming home again.
It's not about winning and loosing, it's not about what's fair, or who owes who.... keep the focus about what is best for the Children, they are worth more than anything else.
Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you.........
BT, Thank you too. I did tell them I was ok, and gave them a big hug. My youngest son said, "Time for a group hug" and hugged me and older son together. I let them know that this was between Daddy and Mommy and they had nothing to do with it and that both of their parents loved them very much.
I do plan on going to family court and getting an order of protection. I always avoided it in the past as I was trying to keep the kids out of it. But now it is time to do something about it. If I am granted the order of protection I will exchange the kids at the police station. I will explain to the boys that for a time being it will be for the best so they don't have to witness any fighting.
I plan on letting my lawyer know tomorrow what happened.
My brother, who is a cop, came over. I called him right after I called the police. When the kids came back the police were still here. I told them that mommy was ok, that her and daddy had an argument and the police came to make sure everything was ok. I sent them down stairs to play. When the police left my brother called them upstairs and explained to them that just like kids get in trouble with adults when they don't follow certain rules, adults can get in trouble with the police. He explained to them that their Dad had no right to treat their Mom like he did and he had no right to make me feel unsafe in my own home. Just like bullies at school get in trouble, adults can get into trouble and then the police come to make sure everything is ok. They said they understood and then they gave me a big hug. My older son cried a little bit.
Ms. H, I am so sorry you still have to deal w/ that kind of behavior from your ex. Not sure why they still have to act that way, even after they have gotten what they wanted.
You did a WONDERFUL job by handling the situation the way that you did. I think you should exchange the kids at the police department (or somewhere public), whether you get the order of protection or not. But, I would definitely try to get one. At this point, your safety and the safety of those two little boys are what is most important.
As for the OW coming to your house, I'm so glad the police told her what they did. It is in my court papers that my ex's wife (former ow) is not allowed at my house or to be a part of the exchanging of the kids.
Good luck w/ the child support case. Let us know how that turns out for you.
Miss H, I can tell you that your XH owes you the $15,000, he will not get a reduction, and yes he will have to pay you. As for what happened at your house, well, you can get orders of protection or whatever, but he won't get the point until learning occurs. What I mean by that is, all these people understand is force. You can't reason with them, you can't be nice to them, you can't talk to them. I think this has been demonstrated by your efforts to work with him in the past. If I were you, I would go online and buy something called a tire thumper. Its a small lead filled baseball bat that is legal, as its used to check air pressure in tires. I would carry it with me at all times and if he gets in your face again, I would DEFINATELY check the air in his tire! Learning will occur if you take action such as that, I promise you. In the South, women just kill men who abuse them, they don't use the tire thumper! LOL See, I am not as hard core as others!
I am so sorry about all of this. He's not happy at all because he's been caught and he knows that he has to pay your the $15k. He also knows that he can't get away w/lying any longer.
I like what Between Tears suggested, i.e., a mutual place to exchange the children. The local police station would be a very nice place for that to take place. They usually are moer than happy to help out. You want it to be a very public place so that if he acts out, you will have plenty of witnesses.
I say BRAVO! You handled this quite well. As for the ow, I hope she got the message about coming there. She has no business being there.
Being from the south, I appreciate the advice from Braveheart. Figuring that you might discount that as a more extreme measure than you would be comfortable with, I propose two points.
1. Don't rule it out. Somewhat pocket sized. Give the idea some time. It might seem more reasonable later.
2. Talk to your L and the folks at court regarding the protective orders, and mace. My guess is they will all be more comfortable with mace than the tire thumper. They will probably also be glad to explain the best way to mace the X face.
Both options seem viable in the south, but then, so does that little stick thing with a shotgun shell on the end for certain wild things.
It seems like exchanging the kids in front of the police station is pretty extreme and could end up involving some IC for the kids. Of course, if things are that bad, it may be the best place to be when you decide it is time to check his tire pressure or go mace face on him. I recommend getting to know who is on shift when you plan to do exchanges, and bring fresh baked treats to the station - no donut joke intended ... really.
Just saying ... it would be good to know they are watching out for you and not getting distracted when you need them the most.
Or maybe just go by the station and deliver ThankYou cookies for the nice men that came to your house. Let them know what day/time home exchanges are scheduled 'in case they want to come by for cookies'.
