Those with young children...

[SoCo]

Hi. Just seeking some advice from those of you with young kids. My D4 has an awful time going back and forth from the visits with her dad. She cries when she leaves, because she doesn't want to go. Then, when I get her back, she cries because she misses her dad. When she is with her dad, there are lost of other kids there (because they stay at his mom's house, he doesn't have a place of his own... ugggg) and some of his brothers girls are horribly behaved.

Then, D4 comes back showing these behaviors and using language, phrases that she sees there from the cousins that are unacceptable in my house. She usually throws fits, screams and cries and barely talks the night they come home, just points and throws fits. I feel so bad for her. I know she is only 4 and all that is a lot to process for her little head.

I also know that she doesn't have a grasp of the time and when two weeks are and when she will see her dad again.

Any ideas for easing these times for her? I know it's not her fault, and yet her behavior is soooo frustrating when she acts like that.

I have thought to make her a little calendar so she can see the days and keep track of them.

Any other ideas?

My S9 does fine and doesn't have any of those issues.

[smith18]

I suspect that once D4 begins school that the transitions will be easier.

As for her throwing the fits and screaming...she maybe needs to learn more about consequences. When she calms down after the consequences, then you can attempt a useful dialog.

Sorry to hear that she is getting some bad influence and habits from poorly behaved kids. Does S9 pick up any bad traits from them?

Here is a good book to learn additional parenting/child communication skills:

http://www.amazon.com/How-Talk-Kids-Will-Listen/dp/0380811960

[SoCo]

No, he's old enough to know better. He also sees more of the true circumstances of things, so his dad is not able to manipulate him like he does my d. He plays lots of mind games with her that S doesn't have a part of.

[bright_new_day]

I am so sorry your daughter is having such a tough time. My younger two were 7 & 9 when we first seperated, so it wassn't such a struggle. I think your idea of making a calendar is great. And you can go over it with her frequently so she knows where she is going to be on a regular basis. How long have they been going back and forth? Maybe she just needs time to adjust.
As far as the bad behaviors and language, you need to address that with your X. He needs to be aware of these things before she starts school and it becomes a problem. He will have to keep a closer eye on what happens when she is there and prevent the exposure to the bad behavior.