Some of you might remember me from probably over a year ago since I really posted on here. Well, I was doing really good, was over my ex (divorce still not done 2 years on but in the final few months now by the looks). I was seeing another girl. Well that one faltered and although I was disspaointed, I realised it was for the best and that we both helped each other through a marriage break up at that time.
I'm doing ok and was seeing another girl for about 5 months. I vaguely knew this girl and sort of flirted with her a year previously but she was still married so I left it and told her to deal with her situation and I wouldn't contact her to deal with that so as not to cloud her judgement. Anyway, I heard through a mutual friend that her marriage had end mid last year and got back in touch about Novemeber time. We met up in December then had a fantastic 5 months together. This is where my point of writing here comes in again. We split up 2 1/2 weeks ago and here was the reasoning :
She says she had never really dealt with her divorce properly, still thought of her ex a lot but had also started to have feelings or a work colleague (who without being horrible, shocked me as she is stunning and he is.....well, not even average imo) whom I knew she was friends with and let her go out with him etc as was not jealous at all. She told me this whilst in absolute pieces, crying her eyes out and i'm told she was like that for days. She also said she didn't like herself at the time and realised she wasn't being fair on me etc. I played it reasonably cool andhoped she'd chill out and give her some space and she come round but no signs of it as yet. However, we are in contact, we send each other jokes, I text to say good luck with medical thing she had going on and she replied 'thanx, that means a lot !!'. She also contacted me on FB after I posted something on my status asking if it was reference to my ex andthat she was there if I wanted to talk/rant. So we chattted some on msn since, very just friendly. She also apologised to my sister for not being able to go to her birthday drinks and the foloowing day (my sisters birthday) again wrote wishing her a happy birthday. That confused me as they only know one another through me so no real need as they highly unlikely to ever meet up again (or am i making more of that, is thatjust her being nice ??).
So there is the background. I am actually besotted and in love with this girl, she is my dream girl and i'm struggling to get over her 3 weeks in. Am I giving myself false hopewith the stuff she has done since ? that we might get back together ? Does it seem she still has feeling ?
FWIW, I have not done any begging, pleading romantic jeastures at all. I did the first msn chat after when she mentioned feelings for another man have a little anger dig, but nothing major and i apologised pretty quick.
I'm sure I've missed something, sorry so long and probs some spellng mistakes, but would greatly appreciate any advice. Particulary if any women out there have dumped a bloke before in similar circumstances and what her subsequent actions could mean if anything ??
Hurting bad, like worse than since 1 month from spliting from my wife (tho hindsight that was missing my life more than my wife).
Listen to this woman you're besotted by. She's not ready, still thinks about her former spouse.. etc. She's told you what she needs.. time. And although you had a fantastic five months together she ended it.
It was selfless and absolutely beautiful that you did not pursue a relationship with a married woman. But most people need a time to grieve, find a transitional relationship that helps bridge the gap.
Let her go, stop pursuing. Give her the space to grieve, grow, find her feet. Stop focusing on her.
Put the focus on you. How much time have you given yourself, yourself alone? How are the kids doing? What, if anything, do you want to improve about yourself?
Take time to be the man you're meant to be. You're definitely worth it.
Maybe the timing was not right. If she had waited a half year more before getting involved with you things may be different.
I had to break up with the lady I was in a relationship with for 9 months after my wife. It is tough on both sides as I knew this lady had big dreams of spending an eternity together.
Give it some time and I am sure the pain of heartache will lesson. Finding love is a grand quest. It will fall in your lap again if you maintain a cheerful and happy outlook.
Gypsy - My boys are great, they love spending time with me, panic at the slightest thing that might spoil that. Fr instance, they staying at their auntie's tomorrow and i didn't know the address, so my oldest was panicking then memorised the whole address to tell me (he is 7). Love em to bits, they are my world.
What do I want to improve about myself ?? - Well, I want to like to be ok on my own. I get very bored, very easily and like company.
Oh, and sadly, I think your both right in what you say about the grieving process. I guess I did that and had that get over it relationship already whereby my latest girlfriend hadn't. I appreciate you saying it, tho obviously not what I wanted to here. I am not going to 'pursue' this girl and wll just be a 'friend', but that will probably take time as right now there is obviously emotions from me and I believe still from her too.
KK - Yeh, I'm not looking, I wasn't looking when I met this girl, it just sort of happened and then was great and tbh, I probably need (as said above) me time for a bit to really find me. For 15 years, but for 3 months and then 2 months I've been in relationships and not sorted myself out. Not sure exactly how to do that mind as I love company asI say. Would really love my own place but then reckon I'd get lonely (currently live with 2 friends).
I've also been unemployed for a yeah now, ot made redundant and starting to run out of money really fast.
So
Step 1 - Give up Smoking (again) June 1st is the day Step 2 - Get back to running (have cough/cold for 2 weeks) as that helps my positive outlook Step 3 - Get a job Step 4 - Get a place Step 5 - Who knows, we''l do first 4 first.
Thanks again for comments.
I think I'll be back here again for a while as people's insights definately help me, even when it's not what I want to hear, need to hear it.
Will try and sort of catch up with you to guys this evening or the coming days
Gypsy - My boys are great, they love spending time with me, panic at the slightest thing that might spoil that. Fr instance, they staying at their auntie's tomorrow and i didn't know the address, so my oldest was panicking then memorised the whole address to tell me (he is 7). Love em to bits, they are my world.
What do I want to improve about myself ?? - Well, I want to like to be ok on my own. I get very bored, very easily and like company.
Oh, and sadly, I think your both right in what you say about the grieving process. I guess I did that and had that get over it relationship already whereby my latest girlfriend hadn't. I appreciate you saying it, tho obviously not what I wanted to here. I am not going to 'pursue' this girl and wll just be a 'friend', but that will probably take time as right now there is obviously emotions from me and I believe still from her too.
KK - Yeh, I'm not looking, I wasn't looking when I met this girl, it just sort of happened and then was great and tbh, I probably need (as said above) me time for a bit to really find me. For 15 years, but for 3 months and then 2 months I've been in relationships and not sorted myself out. Not sure exactly how to do that mind as I love company asI say. Would really love my own place but then reckon I'd get lonely (currently live with 2 friends).
I've also been unemployed for a yeah now, ot made redundant and starting to run out of money really fast.
So
Step 1 - Give up Smoking (again) June 1st is the day Step 2 - Get back to running (have cough/cold for 2 weeks) as that helps my positive outlook Step 3 - Get a job Step 4 - Get a place Step 5 - Who knows, we''l do first 4 first.
Thanks again for comments.
I think I'll be back here again for a while as people's insights definately help me, even when it's not what I want to hear, need to hear it.
Will try and sort of catch up with you to guys this evening or the coming days
Feel terrible today. Got my boys for the nite so holding it together but on a low I've not experienced for a long time.
Was online Friday wen ex GF came on an uploaded some photo's i'd asked her to and the chat got jokey and turned sort of flirty. She was really complimentary of my pictures saying I looked good in them all and I asked her which one she thought I should have as my profile pic which she replied 'No5...Cooooor'. There was some other stuff said, nothing about us but it seemed really surreal and flirty and sort of weird that she would be doing that given the situation.
I went out last night but bailed early as just didn't like being out amongst other women, even when chatting to a few. I'm just not interested so instead of spending a fortune decided to get the last train home. I then made a mini mistake, I text ex GF and asked if she in her pub (she works there sometimes), but got no repsonse. She text earlier saying she never saw my text, did I pop in. I just said no, was on wat to station and realised I had 25 mins to train so if she there would of popped in for a quick drink. Noting else really said and ended with just general friendly, enjoy the rest of yr weekend sort of stuff.
Thing is, I know she wants to stay friends, but is that not odd when you break up ??? s the flirting not weird ??? It's messing with my head.
I spoke to an old friend (girl) I've known for 25 years earlier online and she said. It seems she does still like ya, if she's asked for space you just got to give it to her and see what happens. She said she was like that when she first got with her man and her respected her wishes and 6 years later they are so happy. Is that the dealing with the previous period she needs to deal with ???
ready for the 2 x 4s to tell me to stop clinging to hope, deal with it, sort myself out and move on. But typing it out and hearing it helps me.
Hey Arthur - hope you had a happy birthday. Welcome back to the boards. Have patience with this - she's still interested she just needs to come back to you on her terms. Give her the space she needs. Chin up!
I'm really up and down atm. Had another msn nite with exGF. Started similar to the Friday chat, bit flirty/jokey etc and I then mentioned seeing my boys weds and taking them bowling Friday this week as they go on hols 4 a week Sat. Asked if she fancied coming along. We then go into a bit of a debate in that she said how come she could meeet them, that I never wanted her to meet them and had kept her out of that part of my life. I was like, no, I said all along and sure I said to you that I wouldn't introduce my boys to any Gf b4 6 months had past and was sure (we split at 5 months). That is 100% the truth and she said as that would of made a difference....I was like omg...what u mean. She said, it would of shown her how serious I was. I was shocked, said, how serious I was. I wanted to move in with ya but as not working didn't think that be a good idea, I was planning to introdue her to the boys at a family BBQ soon, so there were others there and she and they weren't in an awkward spot (she knows my sister so could of had others to chat too at first meeting). Said, I thought it was obvious how I felt...etc etc.
She then went quiet so i asked if she still there as i had it when she goes silent and put a sad smiley on. She said yeah and a crying smiley so I asked if she crying. She said no, but I feel sad. I'll be ok in a bit.
It went on a bit but got of the subject a bit as i popped out, but she never actually said how she feels so I'm just going by what she says which seems so surreal. Seem like, she does want to be with me but for whatever reason is scared.
I didn't intend that conversation to go like that, but does it seem I did bad ?? I've not hassled her since, i dont ring her anyway, but what do others think I sholddo next ???
Everything I read and DB itself are like, play it cool, act over it, no chasing etcand i'm sort of doing that but when we chat it's like the old us again. The complimenting me, the jokey flirting so is this different ??? Do I maybe need in this sitch to just go for it about how I feel and what I want ??? Or do I back off again now and carry on similar to I have been (slowly slowly catchy monkey).
really appreciate people inputs and any from others that have done the dumping and maybe reacted similar
You are letting the actions of one woman affect your mood and emotions too much.
I think she is playing you like a yoyo man on the end of a string. If she really wanted and cared for you, she would not be confusing you so much. If after only 5 months together, you two are not still "BOTH" in a deep passion for one another, I would say it is time to move on.
I dumped my girl friend and she wanted to remain friends. I knew that would not be best and kept in touch for a couple weeks and then disappeared from contacting her. It seems rather cruel that she keeps you hanging on.
Dont rely on reading the thermometer of a relationship from texting or computer chat.
I was like, no, I said all along and sure I said to you that I wouldn't introduce my boys to any Gf b4 6 months had past and was sure (we split at 5 months). That is 100% the truth and she said as that would of made a difference....I was like omg...what u mean. She said, it would of shown her how serious I was.
This is BS! She is playing games with you. Move on man.
No sure What EP would say and I am really struggling yes. This feels so different to my ex Wife in that nothing seemed wrong at all and she has said as much.
Think she gone into hiding now anyway, maybe shee is going to just leave me to it now and go the non contact route, which will prrobably be better if were not going sort things out.
All just seems so sad/wrong to me. I was back on top of the world.....TBH, I had been for probs 18 months since I dealt and got over my ex Wife. The difference is this time as I say, this girl is a wonderful wonderful person. Tho I have read the first relationship past a long relationship break up is often jut a get over that relationship type thing and this is maybe what I was for her (sadly).
You are all correct tho and I know it, I just need to hear it.
I'll no contact her now and just play it out.
I always say to others,what's meant to be is meant to be. Lifes to short. Need to get back to my positive old self and not dwell on things.
Thanks all
apologies for not posting to others, I just dont think I'm much help atm.
