I have read DR once but am reading it again since things have calmed down a bit. i did feel like he was missing her when he first moved back home and i told him so. he never admitted it of course
it's good that OW might have moved on to someone else, but is your H still in contact with her?
Just because she is "spreading the love" doesn't mean the 2 of them are not in contact. I just want you to rule that out first or you will be banging your head against a wall and wasting your time. I wasted 3 months thinking my WH might just be going through withdrawal from OW because he was still not putting in the effort, still depressed, still not being affectionate with me after "ending" the A and agreeing to NC with OW. Turned out he only went NC for a week! 7 measly days! So the whole time he was still in touch with her!
Of course if you find out that he is not, he could be going through withdrawal. I think after 6 months though he should be snapping out of it! He may benefit from anti d's to help!
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
How did u find out he was having contact with the ow? I do ask once in a while but he doesnt have to tell me the truth.
I had a talk w him today, i asked him how long we were going to do this? i feel like theres a wall between us i am going to try and show more affection for him. its hard im not sure if he wants it or not? guess i will find out huh?
when he was talking to ow he carryed his phone w him at home and he would lay it upside down. he also acted very strange and would not move back home and sleep in our bed.
he is home and sleeps in our beda!
I cant check phone records he has a company phone sucks!
Where does he keep his company phone? I did have to "break in" to the cell records online. When I checked WH's phone (that he left out when he used to hide it), it didn't show record of calling her. Well DUH- you can erase call logs! So I finally, at the urge of a friend, went online to check the records but he had changed the password. Still, I was able to get access since I am his wife (talked to customer service)
Now I found the evidence BEFORE I confronted him. He couldn't deny it at ALL.
In your case, get hold of his work cell phone somehow (without telling him). Check the call logs- he might not think you would look at his work phone so he probably wouldn't erase them.
Another strategy is bluffing. "I know you are still in contact with OW." PAUSE- wait for his reaction. Trust your gut. If you think he is still with her, then say something like
" We can't work on our marriage until you agree to end contact with her." PAUSE- wait for his response.
"I will not tolerate being married to a man who cannot commit to me." and walk away to "think about it."
There are others with better suggestions but there are 2 ideas.
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
well what did he say when you asked why he was physically distant and wondered if he was still in contact with OW? Did he explain why he was physically distant?
And maybe he is telling you the truth- that he is not in contact with her. But it is/was worth it to make sure that is the case!
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
He said he guessed there was physical space because of the distance between us.
Its so hard to try and be close to him physically I keep thinking about the ow and wondering if he still thinks about her? hope not its been basically five months!
he did not like me asking if he was still involved w her
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
also as i mentioned earlier read the book "not just friends" you want to know why he has put up a wall? you want to understand why there is distance between you? this book will help you understand tons....make him read it if he is willing.
gman
M-37 W-36 S-11, S-9, D-4 PA exposed 3/13/10 10/19/10 moving on... most up to date sit
Thank you i did read some of just friends it seemed like a good book. i will make that my next read!
Since i was on here things seem to be improving w my husband! he seems more concerned if im upset and talks me about us! he invited me and our children to go out of town w him in a nice state w lots of Palm trees.
im hoping this will break the ice between us, we so need to be alone sooo bad?
