Do you think a person can be going through a MLC from the time they are an adult? Legal Adult. It is so difficult for me to determine if this is really what this is due to the fact that I believe he has always been like this. Regretting the past and what would his life be like only if. I really cannot think of a time that this was not the case. Blame for what his life is like has always been placed somewhere else not even necessarily on me. Perhaps depression mixed with MLC. It is sad really. Comments like if I would have only had this when I was 16 my life would be different. What a torture to live this way. I have now been through this twice basically. My 1st H is dead as a result of dealing with his problems and it truly is amazing that I basically wind up in the same situation again. Different but yet the same.
I am tired of being scared. It is not a good feeling. I am a strong capapble women, and yet when you choose to love you put yourself at risk, you have to or else never feel that love. I am tired of toxic relationships I vow I will not live this way any longer. That is truly what the DBing books are about. I will come out on the other side of this a better and stonger person no matter what. I will have a better friendship and a maybe a stronger marriage. I will love with no boundaries and as close to the heart of GOD as I possibly can.
SB, As far as my understanding of MLC goes, when a person is going through it there is a personality change. They become the opposite of who they've been, hence the term, alien.
I know people who have never taken responsibility for their actions. It's easier to blame someone or something else than to admit you were wrong, made a mistake, used bad judgment, etc. Most of these folks think they're entitled to things without ever putting in the hard work. They usually lack ambition and drive and wallow in self pity, especially if they don't get their own way or something doesn't go quite like they wanted it to.
Living with someone like that would certainly get very tiring.
Well that would not be exactly the way I would describe it. I think my H has always lived in the past. For example...
If my Dad had made me do this I could have been a football player. If I had this Jeep when I was 16 my life would be different. Not that he doesn't have happy times just always wishing something was different than what they have. I think of it sort of in terms of being spoiled. He is a hard working person and would give a stranger the shirt off of his back if they needed it but has felt put out when his family needs help. This is something he himself recognizes. I would say that yes there is a lot of self pity that has gone on. Looking for happiness in places it will never be found. I would not say my H has a personality change. I think this has been a part of him ever since I knew him. Too much of being treated like he was the best thing since sliced bread but never believing or having his own self esteem. Trying to measure up to unrealist expectations and jealeous of what he percieves others have that he is missing.
Sounds like a personality disorder or someone that needs counseling to me. If he's always been this way, he's looking for external validation. Even giving a stranger the shirt off your back can be seen as external validation - look how good I am, etc. You're right, he needs to learn self esteem and that it comes from within...
I agree w/MH. While folks in MLC/having affairs tend to exhibit traits of BPD/NPD/HPD, the traits are newer developments, not a lifetime history. However, chronic depression can be expressed in all sorts of ways. Distorted thinking patterns which you describe are often used as a self-defense mechanism. Kids have been known to adopt their parents patterns.
"If you strike me down, I will become more powerful than you can possibly imagine!" 1st thread
