"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
Well good morn all. I have had a very productive week. I have been using many of the DBing items and It has really had an impact on the way I feel about things and allowing me to detach a bit more. It is so funny due to the fact the more I do this the more H pursues me or at least it feels that way. I went to sisters last night just to get away from going directly home every day and it it was the right thing to do. H is at a work seminar today and so far has text me 3 times to chat. Also felt the need to call me and let me know what he was doing last night. Even though I have told him it is not necessary to tell me what he is up to. I am at a peacefull place today and it feels nice.
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
I plan to keep the focus on myself. I have no choice really for my own sanity. I feel compassion for what my H is going thru right now and this life I am living now is a new one so the adjustment will take time. I do look at these instances as icing on the cake but too much icing ruins the cake. When he responds to my changes it makes detaching that much more difficult. I know what has to be done. It still doesn't mean I have to like it. I've needed detachment in plenty areas of my life and have been quite successful so I know i can make it through this. Being a co-dependent person I must watch for my controlling ways from rearing their ugly head.
So I just received a text from him now asking if I want to go with him on Sat to look at his new Jeep. I told him sure. I feel any chance to connect with him positively is a good idea. I will not be my usual opinionated self this time. The decision on what he does will be his. Any thoughts
I have no choice really for my own sanity. I feel compassion for what my H is going thru right now and this life I am living now is a new one so the adjustment will take time.
Wow! You get this...there are people here that have been working a long time and they get stuck before realizing this...
Absolutely it's all YOU.
Keep your focus...
My goal is to some day be the person my dog thinks I am
This sounds great. Take the opportunity to connect just remember DO NOT EXPECT anything. You sound great, strong and focused so if you go in expecting that he is going to "run home right now" you may be setting yourself up for a fall.
Good to keep your opinions to yourself but I would not come accross as too distant either. Be who YOU are.
FTR - I have a jeep myself...love it!
God Bless, Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
But part of my problem is my H is home. I really don't expect things. I have been on this rollercoaster for many years already. At least 3 maybe more. My part in all of this was that I would try and fix everything by using control and threats. There have been many time I wanted to throw in the towel and leave but I am older this time and can recognize that If I do not change this will repeat itself over again. After reading the DBing books, these have been a real eye opener for me. I am still not sure where my H falls in MLC if perhaps he is one of those that goes in and out or not. Counseling taught me that co-dependants usually marry other co-dependents and that has help my perspective greatly. I am just afraid H wants me to go so that I can help him make decision or tell him it is not a good decision as I would have in the past. I feel it is real important for me to step back and let this be all on him.
Well, I have now gone and read just about everyones story who has responded to me. Not to say that I will remember exactly who's story goes with who but it does give me some background to go on. Now I feel like I know a bit about you all.
