Well, I may as well start me own thread. Haven't posted much in the last six months. No need, I guess. Just journaling now...
1. The D was filed on Oct. 29, 09 2. Served on Dec. 16, 09 3. Retained an attorney on Jan. 27, 10 4. Served with an Interrogatory and Motion to Produce last week. 15 pages of questions in all. Hundreds of $$$$ worth of him trying to hike up the fees. 5. We filed a Motion for Hearing for Temporary Support: for April 28th. 6. Mediation is on April 15th. Nice!
I'm not sure what the rules are either. I started out in Newcomers although I was already Separated. I moved to Separated in January and then here when I found out my wife had filed for D.
I guess to me Surviving starts with surviving the process then surviving the actual end result.
Deep down I pray that I'll someday find myself in Piecing or Divorced But Not Done.
My guess though is this is my final stop.
Lots more people in this forum than Separated.
Me: 47, Ds 17-13, D final 6-11 http://tinyurl.com/yk4e2tz http://tiny.cc/thread2 http://tinyurl.com/ydtphqu http://tinyurl.com/thread4 http://tinyurl.com/3sm78k6 http://tinyurl.com/thread6
Hey poet! I won't say it's good to see you here, but I do think you are in the right place!
I'm thinking your tbx was a bit of a loose cannon, am I remembering right? Like on the edge of dangerous? I hope that has settled down, as things are moving forward.
The best advice I can give right now is to really try not to take the crap that is sure to come your way personally. Try to leave the nastiness to the lawyers, and look at is as a difficult business transaction.
In the meantime, try to take good care of yourself, and keep your own sanity. Things will hurt, but try not to let the hurt take over your life. There's a lot of life left to be lived, and it can be great!
"I'm thinking your tbx was a bit of a loose cannon, am I remembering right? Like on the edge of dangerous? I hope that has settled down, as things are moving forward."
Hi Jeff and Cling,
Yes, you are right Jeff. He was a "bit of a loose cannon" and that's a good way to describe it. Luckily, he's calmed down over the past year, but he's moved on to other women, namely, women of the night. I can't compete with that, and Lord knows, I don't want to. But, I've had people, friends and neighbors tell me that my sitch was so horrible that they are "glad I'm not you."
I truly wish there was someone, anyone on these boards who went though something even remotely similar to what I did. There's no one who I can really relate to, and in fact, many here don't (I hate to say this, but it's true) or can't even fathom what it was like to be totally blown away, discarded for whores half your age. Oh well, it is what it is, and I've gotten used to it now.
My attorney has some things up her sleeve, which I can't discuss now for fear that someone "incognito" might be reading. All I can say is, if I come out of this literally able to "survive," then I'll be OK.
"I truly wish there was someone, anyone on these boards who went though something even remotely similar to what I did. There's no one who I can really relate to, and in fact, many here don't (I hate to say this, but it's true) or can't even fathom what it was like to be totally blown away, discarded for whores half your age. Oh well, it is what it is, and I've gotten used to it now."
Poet, my W discarded me for another woman! I haven't ran across too many of those kind of sitches on this board either! Some friends think it may be harder for me because it was another woman and others feel it may be easier. I dunno, all I know is that pain is pain and I can see you know that too! Take care. You will overcome.
If your tbx is thinking that "ladies of the night" are a better choice for a relationship than a healthy relationship with one real woman, than he has some really serious issues to work through! I don't think I'd say he was discarding you, so much as he is discarding himself. There's not even a comparison to make!
VH, you're right but even though we all know the flaws and issues of our ex's somehow it is just so hard to get past the fact that this person who was so central in your life just didn't want you anymore, whether it's for hookers, another woman or Daffy Duck, it's a long road back to feeling healthy and attractive again. I dunno why but it is. My W said to me about her and OP "We know we're co-dependent, so what?" Just for the record, I did not accuse them of being such (if I recall I was a little more vague, calling them a "pair of sick bitches") that was her idea. So, she basically said "OP and I know that we're in an unhealthy R and it is destroying my family but so what?" How do you argue with that kind of craziness? I gave up!
I do not know why, I always seem to fall into these deep, dark almost-bottomless places sometimes. I hate that I have to sink into (thankfully, not more than a day or two) depression. And, the worst part is that I can look back today and read it and say to myself, "My goodness, poet, you are a wus. Now, shake it off."
Both of you have helped me do this. I read these sitches and I see so many people going in to support them, and I think, "What am I? Chopped liver?" (There I go again, feeling sorry for myself). I wish I could stop feeling so lonely. I think that's all it is, is loneliness. (sp). I guess I'm not used to it. That's a feeling that is rather new to me. I don't think I've ever, ever felt it before. So strange.
Thanks again for your words of insight and helping to pull me out of that dark place.
The loneliness isn't the greatest thing in the world! I feel it, sometimes worse than others. I'm getting better at being happy with myself. I'm learning that having someone to share my life with is an addition to something that's already great, not a necessity to live!
