It is not about time, it is about education on the subject and understanding. Passion about helping people is not about staying on these boards 1000ships, the person passionate about that pursues their degree in psychology or psychiatry
Those are not the only fields. I don’t hang out here anymore either, but I do have a passion regarding MLC and helping LBSs.
Originally Posted By: sofaraway
It's just that fuckking simple folks. In order to save your marriage you have to save yourself first.
And that is the kernel.
It is often true that OldTimers' advice matches advice given of those only a year in…but each person receives fulfillment in different ways. You are right that sometimes it feels good to be admired and that can be taken too far when it comes to people seeking out board ‘gurus.’ It can also be an addiction—didn’t Lissie say it’s like crack?
Originally Posted By: dncrm
I really question the motives of posters who are back together with their spouse but still have a need to be here. WHY? Shouldn't their energy be going into the relationship and rebuilding of their marriage?
Many people do. Many people put out their idea of ‘shoulds’ onto others. There are many reasons to return or keep coming. Jack said it is to remind him what not to do…? Was that it? I think it’s likely more than that.
It does feel good to help others. I once gave that as a reason and was told by a then OldTimer that I was selfish because of that reason and he said that he only returned out of the goodness of his meaning well heart.
It feels good to give back and to share.
It hurts to watch others hurting and maybe it alleviates some of our own hurt if we feel we can offer a balm.
A poster may have found a passion…an interest in studying MLC, or Infidelity for that board, or sex-starved marriages… Maybe they haven’t gotten a degree out of it yet; maybe circumstances do not make that route conducive. I studied MLC and was criticized for it in my first year or two, but to me it is interesting from an academic standpoint. I give thanks for this board as well as for my husband’s midlife crisis…without those I would not be where I am today or headed where I am going.
I am begining to feel as though I am beating a dead horse, but here we go.....again.
I feel very insulted that you feel the way you do about me and what you posted about my character. I honestly do not know who you are under your new name. And should you want to reveal who you used to post as maybe it will trigger a memory. I don't recall that my thread attacked anyone here personally, and I am not sure why you feel that you need to try and tear me down.
I still find many of the things that the MLC'er does to be humorous because it really is such a ridiculous mental illness.
There is no logic in it, it just happens. Nobody knows when the MLC monster will raise it's ugly head after laying dormant for so many years.
And if I were to dwell on all of the ugliness and keep sharing the details of all of my Husband's antics and his cruelty, how would this benefit me or anyone else.It would scare people away and perhaps not encourage them to stand for their Marriages.
I don't feel as though I need to swap war stories or show my scars all of the time. I have made no secret that piecing was full of many ups and downs. I have made no secret of the things I would have done differently when he first came home.
I have no wrath to dispense to anyone, especially here. I have already explained to you my reasons for my thread and truly I am sorry if you feel that I belittled you with my answer.
I hardly ever post here anymore if you may have noticed, mainly because this place makes me very sad. To read the threads of so many who are only begining their journey and knowing what lies ahead brings me to tears.
I pop in occasionally to check up on certain posters that I pray for regularly. I try not to dispense any advice unless I can truly offer some type of solution or lend an ear. I don't need to post here for any type of adoration or a boost to my ego, so please don't make any more assumptions about me in a public forum especially since you don't know me.
You can find me on FB if you wish to have a grown up discussion and hash out your feelings.
There can be no testimony without a test. I am praying to go through this test and come out the other end with a new and better marriage then before.
I still have a new marriage, a blended family at that, and a new life that I'm embarking on with a new person.
And that's why.
Originally Posted By: Bworl
This sight helped me to save my life, and I'm not trying in any way to be melodramatic. If I had not found this sight back when all the shite was hitting the fan, I don't know how I would have made it through the days from hell. Just having other people to turn to made all the difference in the world on some days.
Ditto.
Originally Posted By: Bworl
But if my experiences can help make one persons day even a little bit easier, if sharing things that worked and didn't work for me maybe helps a confused person reach a decision....well, I think that's a wonderful thing.
Amen.
Everybody hurts. It's part of life. Don't miss the good stuff.
You once again have missed my point. Maybe you don't post as often as you once did, so why would you come here and post what you did? It's ok if your husband makes jokes to you about things he may have done. He's either feeling guilty or emabrassed and that's just his way of dealing. Lots of people use humor when they feel these emotions because they don't know how else to project what they feel. There is however a difference between the joke being between the 2 of you and your making him the butt of the joke to a group of strangers. How do you think he would handle it if he were to read what you had written at his expense?
Oh amd BND, you certainly do like to tell all of your old war stories. Everytime someone has the nerve to question your motives, you are right back to making sure everyone knows how awful it was for you. Your story isn't anymore painful then anyone else's? Besides, YOU have your husband back. Many of us here have had to totally rebuild our lives and done it successfully. I guess that's why I appreciated the thoughtful posts written by Ian and Figgeroni.
No BND I would never look you up on facebook. WHY? You remind me of the bully in the class and we all know the real reasons behind why people bully. I had to laugh as you got in your dig about having an "adult conversation". There again, because I don't agree with you, or the way you treat people, you turn it on me. No surprise there since I've seen it all before from you.
Don't worry. I won't be back to defend anything I've said here. I know by having the nerve to stand up to you you will comeback at me, because that is your MO. Have you ever just given someone a simple "I'm sorry" from the heart or is it always more important for you to be right?
This board is a wonderful place and it should be a safe place. It was at onetime. People should never have to be afraid to post how they feel or about their pain for fear of being ridiculed.
Maybe you don't post as often as you once did, so why would you come here and post what you did?
Still haven't found that ignore button yet eh?
Why are you so concerned with others and their reasons for coming back to post?
Why not just worry about yourself?
You claim to have been here a long time ago. I don't buy the fact that you can't remember your previous username, a bit little interesting I guess, but doesn't really matter anyway. I could care less.
Maybe I missing something? How is all this back and forth garbage helping others?
The one thing I'm not missing is the fact you seem to seek out conflict and drama.
It seems as though you troll around here searching for reasons to be offended.
Hell.... I can even remember you complaining about another poster using different colored and or bold font. C'mon seriously?
And for you to say J3B's answer is lame and not give a single reason as to why, tells me your doing nothing more than trying to push the drama button.
How's about finding that ignore user button instead if you are offened so easily? That wouldn't be much fun though would it?
First off, I never said that I forgot my my username, but if you must know I forgot my password. Passwords used to be given to posters. They were made up of a series of numbers and letters not of ones choosing.
I'm not surprised that you've responded as you have. Afterall you are the same poster that felt the need to curse at me for not agreeing with what was said. I don't nor have I ever sought people out in order to cause drama. If you recall, I backed off of my belief that BND's thread was mean because I saw where this was going.
Turning the tables on me and saying that I am somekind of troublemaker is really low and only proves my point. Why is it that when you and your cohorts gang up on other posters this become acceptable? I came to dance solo with only my opinions and for that I was cursed at and ridiculed.
