((((Al)))) I am seldom around the boards anymore and havent posted for ages but somehow saw your thread and it literally reached out and grabbed me, I don't know why other than perhaps because my son was about the age of your twins when the bottom dropped out for us with H's A.
I shudder when I recall the shock and horror and exhaustion that comes with the start of this long journey and I am so sorry you find yourself facing this. I will tell you this though: as hard as it is for you, it is 2X + for your boys. They are probably blindsided and scared beyond belief. most likely the day is not far off when they are going to be furious at their mom. THEY NEED YOU NOW TO BE THE ROCK AND THE STABLE ONE. Your W is going to be all over the place...They need you to be there. I used to visualize myself as a rock sitting on a shoreline, immoveable as the waves smashed over me when I was trying to hold steady for my S. Be the rock your boys can anchor to.
Read here...there is good info....in the newcomers there are some threads of "DB quotes" that are a good quick study. Sandy2 had a great list for newcomers, I couldnt find it, maybe someone with more recent familiarity can find it for you. Oldtimer has good stuff to share as well as the ones named earlier.
Rest. eat. drink water. take care of yourself. See your Dr. for meds for depression and anxiety if you need to because it will help you be there for your boys.
Get back in your house. Some of guys here I'm sure can give more practical tips on just how to do that....but your boys need you there. from what you described as their response at school, I doubt they are the ones who need the "space"... I'm not an attorney but have been told that if your name is on the deed/mortgage, you can not be forced to leave your home. I would think it would be the same if it is a rental if your name is on the lease. I've also been told there can be issues of desertion if one voluntarily leaves....maybe someone who is a legal eagle and knows more will check in...but you gotta get back in your house to be there for your boys if for nothing else.
Let your wife do the dirty work if she wants a divorce. you dont' have to engage in drama, but you don't have to help her get her way either.
and don't internalize all the blame and crap she's spewing at you....THEY ALL SAY THAT CRAP. The more you read here, the more you'll see that. It's like a predictable script.
thank you all, but I dont know how to get back in the house without causing my boys more distress. I have a feeling that at this point my W would cause issues. I feel like I dont even know this women anymore
She will either pack up the kids and leave, and I dont want to fight in front of them, or one day I will come back and they will be gone anyway with just a note left. Either way I dont think its healthy for the kids
Pack your things and go back home - Tell her if she needs "space", she can move out but you stay and the children stay.
Serenity's spot on. Go back to your home. Serenity's right about her space. If she pulls any cr@p about "now the kids need space, too;" or some other nonsense, tell her, "they have their space: it's called home and home is where they are going to stay regardless of your decision!"
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
