I've been feeling happier, more free, and optimistic about my future since we filed for D. Instead of depression kicking in, I really feel a weight has been lifted. ... Sad, but hopeful for a better future, thankful for the good times, forgetting the bad and carrying on.
Quite surprisingly and unexpectedly, I've felt the same (and more) since D on Tuesday. Who knew?
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
Journaling... V-day just about over now. First one without a guy in many, many years but I focused on my kids and myself. Took a gift over to my mom, her first Valentines without her sweetheart in 57+ years. But her attitude is positive and she said she didn't spend time dragging out old memories that would just bring her down. Instead she stayed busy, sticking with her routines and she is doing very well. I aspire to be more like her - optimistic, compassionate, thoughtful. No anger, bitterness or regret. She's a wonderful role model. It's not about our losses... it's about counting our blessings, remembering the good times, letting go of the bad and simply looking forward with hope and confidence in a bright future.
Abundance!
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
Thanks for stopping by, Gardener. It's always nice to have some feedback along our journeys.
Along with the optimism since the big D filing, I'm going to add empowered to my short list. I'm no longer afraid of what I might say, or how to put it, or what STBX might think. It's wonderful to feel free to just be me, say what I think and just LIVE.
No word from STBX since filing. For someone that has moved ahead with an engagement, he isn't showing any proactivity with the paperwork. So, I text/email him occasionally for status... I'm just walking on, and getting stronger each day! Feels really good.
Sounds like you're doing OK! Good on you! Stosney says that when you're in touch with your core value, you cannot do wrong! So stay in touch with your core value, always, and there is no reason to be afraid of what you might say, or how to put it! Don't take anything personal, especially what your STBX might think. Nothing that other people do is because of you. It is because of themselves.
I hope you'll keep going..."walking on, and getting stronger each day."
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
I haven't logged onto DB in six months so I thought I'd just post a little update on my sitch.
The D was final in May. 3 months start to finish, which was the minimum waiting period in CO. My ex is marrying the OW in two weeks, just four months post-D. I try not to obsess about the forthcoming nuptials but it's hard sometimes.
The other day I came across Gypsy’s post from 2/3 that I had printed out and it reminded me of how important this site was in my recovery and maybe it’s time to post an update and give back to others if I can.
She said:
Quote:
Remind yourself that you don't hold onto someone who doesn't want to be with you, someone who doesn't cherish and treasure what you share.
Just like people agree to be married, feel good about the agreement divorce. C'mon.. getting engaged? Like a little old Italian woman I know would say, "What a dope!", followed by a smack upside the head.
Divorce, like marriage, begins in the mind.
One last thing, this type of emotional chaos puts both parties in a fog. His with his distraction or focus on someone new. You with an overwhelming sense of pain, hope and betrayal. By choosing what is healthy your fog while clear bringing a new perspective about what is most important and best in life.
Be proud of all you've done right, your belief in marriage, hope for a future together. And most of all, knowing what is best for you. A healthy relationship takes two. And a good life, takes one.
So… fast forward seven months and I have actually GAL - finally! I really enjoyed the final months of my S18’s senior year – basketball season, graduation, and just last month, dropping him off at college. I am cherishing the beginning of my D17’s senior year and our special times together before she leaves for college next year. I joined a pool (billards) league in June and play once a week around town with a new group of friends. I try to accept all invitations and stay pretty busy. Of course, occasionally I still feel sad about the D and XH’s choices, but that’s out of my control and I am confident now that I am OK and will be OK!
