I think I'm one of those that posted to your thread in the past. I hope that you realize: By not being completely open about your situation you basically shot your own foot off. You followed tactics that most probably were backfiring more than they were helping.
I do not condone your W's behavior in having an affair because she could probably have handled things better. However, she did do the right thing by dumping your a$$. She deserved better and now she's looking for it.
I am a little upset that I tried to help you... only because I could have spent that time helping someone else who was more open where my opinion could have made a difference.
We only half of the story from the person seeking help. Add to it that we get zero of the WAS's side means we work with only 25% of the facts. That is something many people here fail to realize.
You are in a unique position to help women on this board to understand what is going on in their H's mind. That understanding can be a band-aid for their healing. Too often I have seen LBS's chase away WAW's and WAH's by judging them.... only to end up crying for insight from the very same people.
I for one hope that you stick around here to help others. If it will help... I'd like to 'guilt' you into it... You owe it to the people that tried to help you.
M:11 | T:12 | Status: Married 4C's of WAS communication: Cool, Calm, Collected and CONFIDENT
I think I'm one of those that posted to your thread in the past. I hope that you realize: By not being completely open about your situation you basically shot your own foot off. You followed tactics that most probably were backfiring more than they were helping.
I do not condone your W's behavior in having an affair because she could probably have handled things better. However, she did do the right thing by dumping your a$$. She deserved better and now she's looking for it.
I am a little upset that I tried to help you... only because I could have spent that time helping someone else who was more open where my opinion could have made a difference.
We only half of the story from the person seeking help. Add to it that we get zero of the WAS's side means we work with only 25% of the facts. That is something many people here fail to realize.
You are in a unique position to help women on this board to understand what is going on in their H's mind. That understanding can be a band-aid for their healing. Too often I have seen LBS's chase away WAW's and WAH's by judging them.... only to end up crying for insight from the very same people.
I for one hope that you stick around here to help others. If it will help... I'd like to 'guilt' you into it... You owe it to the people that tried to help you.
Gnosis I am so sorry for everything. I thank you for your help and I apologize once more for not telling you everything. At that time that i was asking for help with my marriage, my wife did not know of any of this. I was depressed and withdrawn as I said i was. However, I was depressed and withdrawn because i have been hiding this for years and years.
Yes she dumped me. And yes she deserves better. There is nothing i can do to except accept my addiction. I never intended to tell anyone about this. I never intended to continue if i ever got a second chance. But i realize now that no matter what the outcome was, this would never let me move forward. Now that i have admitted to this, i can maybe move forward.
I accept your apology. I'm not here to judge you. I have no right to do that. Get your therapy. Get better.
However I DO hope that you stay here and make an effort to help others. There will be W's coming on here whose H's are sex addicts... and YOU will be in a unique position to help THEM make better decisions.
I will stay here and try my absolute best to help out. I spoke to the ex just a few minutes ago. It was a good conversation. But there is so much rebuilding to take place.
Whatever you did or did not do! You have made your apology, it is either accepted or not! Regardless you have made yours and you stated what it is you were deceptive about! There is not a need on your part to continue to beat yourself up for it! However, you have the ability to change you, if you want to change, do what you need to change!
I believe the advise for you to help people in the affair and sex addict areas are sound! Do it because you want to help and in turn it may help you! Best of luck, don't kick yourself forever though, it doesn't help anyone!
Married:10 years D final 8/28/08 10 minutes is all it took Life goes on and DB was no small part in growing from the Divorce!
Flog me all you want Cutter. I probably deserve it from you but it will not affect me. ANything you can dish out i already have done and or said to myself. I am still am in love with my wife. I still want her back, much like you guys do. Me being on the other side does not change any of this. If i didn't tell you everything, sorry. I was not ever going to tell anyone this. But now its out. Now i must deal with it. I am going to get help. I am still a person. I still hurt like you do.
So bring your worst cutter I can handle it and more. I respect your moral fortitude that much is true. But do not get nasty with me. While I am deserving of your criticsm, i too have my limits. I respect you until otherwise driven not to.
