As the holidays come and go, one of the most popular remakes we see on network television is the holiday classic called A Christmas Carol. Kelsey Grammar sings about days' past in the musical, Vanessa Williams reconnects with her long lost friends while Susan Lucci discovers what a Grinch she really is as modern day Scrooge.
As I see it, we can learn a lot from this grouchy, ghost-fearing guy. Exactly what life lessons can we learn from Ebenezer, anyway?
Those apparitions got it right in my book. After all, I never realized how on target they were! As I humbly admit to being an addict of "Fa La La Lifetime" and know many of these shows verbatim, I never realized how Scrooge's life lessons gave me the foundation to my coaching business (and I thought I was an original!)
Transition Tip # 1 - Remember your pastJust like how Ebenezer needs to go down memory lane to remember more carefree days, I have my clients do the same. Unfortunately, we all have he potential to become Scrooge-like. Ironically, Ebenezer was not always a "Scrooge". Since many of my clients have experienced transitions, like Ebenezer, that may have given them a more pessimistic view of life, I have them gently revisit times past where they were more carefree and simply put - happier. By doing this, they can reconnect with the things/people/places that were enjoyable to restore that twinkle in their eye.
Transition Tip # 2 - Accept your present. One of the most important life lessons that Scrooge experienced was his current reality - how he treated the people that worked for him, the chain of events that took place by having Tiny Tim's father work on Christmas and so on. Just like Scrooge, by looking at your current situation and seeing it for what it is, you are most likely to be able to accept it as a means of moving forward. If you are in a constant push and pull with yourself by perpetuating the "blame game," you will be stuck in that reality.
By taking responsibility for the situation you are in (and are unhappy with) , you will most likely take alternate steps on how get to a better place in the future. For example, if you wake up today and finally admit that you can't stand your new haircut, I would imagine that the smart thing to do would be to find a new hair stylist in the future. The same premise goes for your personal and professional life. Simply put, if it isn't working for you then fix it.
Take note of your current reality - what is working for you and what do you need to change? Have you always wanted to go back to school for your MBA? Are you sick of looking at the same pile of CD's sitting in the corner of your family room (I use this example from personal experience!) or are you missing your date night with your husband? These are all doable tasks that you can fix. But, you will not take the steps to fix them if you do not acknowledge them! By accepting your present does not mean you cannot change it. By accepting your present, as Dr. Phil says, you are "getting real with yourself."
Transition Tip # 3 - Dream about a better tomorrow. I really don't think Scrooge would have changed unless he took a look into his future. He was able to see the results of his behavior and it really hit home. Just like Scrooge, we need to think about how we are living our lives TODAY that will result in a better tomorrow. If you keep doing more of the same, you will get more of the same results. Sometimes, we are so reactive to our lives that we neglect to plan them. We simply react to the people and situations around us rather than having a game plan. You need to think about the daily goals you want to achieve - actually envision the results - in order to obtain them.
As for me, I am not afraid to dream big. It isn’t unusual for me to sheepishly discuss my dreams to the occasional nay-sayer. However, I refuse to let their Scrooge-like beliefs get in the way of my future. To practice what I preach, I have a vision board in my bedroom that has a whole array of hopes and dreams that if anything, make me happy when I look at them first thing in the morning. I have pictures of my friends and family – those that I am grateful to have in my life. Also, on a more playful note, I have photos of castles in Scotland that I hope to visit one day. As I see it, these pictures give me a road map for my action plan to one night go stay in a beautiful castle (minus the ghosts, thank you very much!)
Take the time today to make a list of the things in your life that are working for you - those everyday tasks/situations/people/ encounters that are going right. Use this as a gratitude list to create a positive mindset for you to take this plan a step further. For instance, if you were excited that you finally ran those 2 miles this morning, why not plan to run a 5K in the spring?
Scrooge was really no different than the rest of us. He was a nice guy who took a wrong turn. His heart was in the right place he just needed a few ghosts to get him back on track.
Don't wait for an apparition to show you the way. You have the tools to do it right now.
Think about what things/people/places that used to bring you joy in the past and what is positively working for you in the present. And, think about the "wonderful life" (no pun intended) you want for yourself in the future. Once you do, ghosts or no ghosts, I guarantee you will sleep like a baby tonight.
Patti, As you recall, many years ago, I mentioned the Christmas Carol and how the past, present and future would be played out by the participant of the Carol. It put me in mind of the Mlcers and what transpires in their crisis.
I was happy to read that you realized the same things that I did w/the story. When your mind is clear and open, you will find that many of the stories of our childhood can be applied to what we lived through and what our spouses and ex-spouses are going through today.
I think you did a wonderful w/your transition tips. They will be helpful to the readers.
As for Scotland...do go! You will have a wonderful time and yes, the castles are very dark and drafty...
Funny how so much of what helps us is linked to MLC. I have to go back and read that post of yours. Yes, it's true. The MLCer goes through all of these stages - I saw this with my ex. It really is true.
As for my clients, I want them to remember who they were pre- crisis so they remember what made them happy before they were brought in the MLC tornado. The MLCer relives "ghosts" of MLC past. But the LBS needs to revisit the past to see what was good, who they were - and reconnect.
Accepting the present is what simply must happen to move one. As hard as it is, you can't move forward if you are stuck blaming and fighting your reality. Then, we are no different than the MLCer. That is what they seem to do. Although going through MLC with our spouses is not our choice, it's the deck we have been dealt. It sucks, it's not fair and it's so difficult, but once you move past who's fault it is, etc., you are more likely to put your yourself into a positive mindset and move ahead.
Dreaming about the future. It seems so cliche, but it's true. We need to do that. Although our MLCers may have left us, doesn't mean we cannot have a brighter tomorrow. They get a little delusional of this, in my book, if you compare thinking about the future with the MLCer vs. LBS. The lbs seems to not think about the future or how bright it may be (justifiably so) and the MLCer may be delusional about how great it will be when he/she leaves. Two totally different outcomes.
But, it's important for us, on this board, to not let MLC steal our hopes for a better tomorrow. No it's not at the expense of others (as MLC seems to do) but it really is about finding the true antidote to getting through such a difficult time - hope.
I guess you could apply past, present, future to many aspects of our lives. We can learn so much from all three of these stages. It is so important that throughout the crisis our MLCers face, we can step back and still work on ourselves.
Thanks so much for the advice about Scotland, Snodderly. One day I will be there..one day!
Patti, You'll get to Scotland and you will love it! The countryside is absolutely breathtaking and castles have so much history. Lots of good places to shop for woolen articles...then you need to go to Ireland. When you are ready to travel, let me know. I'll be happy to offer up some great places to visit and the castles that I found well worth the time to go see.
Gosh, it's been such a very long time since I had posted about the Christmas Carol....I want to say 6-8 years ago. A lot of my postings are extremely "old" by today's standards.
Please be careful in mentioning your site here. The Board has gotten very strict on such things and also about email addresses being "posted" here. Things have changed quite a bit since you were a regular poster.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Can't wait for the trip. I am hoping in a year or two! My descendants were from Ireland so I will go over there for a visit, too. It will be quite an adventure.
No wonder I didn't remember your Carol reference post maybe you posted pre-MTN - joined DB in Jan 2005.
Thanks for the tips on what to post and to post. 100% of my desire to come back for a visit is simply share my experience to help others with no self gain. I know how hard it is when you are an LBS as you do. Tough time of year, too.
Off to get ready for work. Hope all the DBers are safe and sound and snug at home. It's snowing and FREEZING here in NJ.
Keep the snow! We still have snow lingering around here from two weeks ago. It's been blustery for two days now and we may have gusts tonight up to 50 mph. More like March weather here.
Come back to visit again very soon. I'm very proud of you and your children...you went through hell and survived and look at you now!
Stay safe and warm!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
