You know, I think that if you are Ok with the sex then dont worry about it, but if you are crying afterward then maybe you should consider it again. We have a habit of fooling ourselves into thinking that everything is fine, and that if I just do this, or that, everything will be ok. Unfortunately thats not realistic very often.
I dont think that it was a mistake for you to confront him about S4's comment. Maybe you gave too much info, eh, but Ill bet that his thoughts were racing while you were talking and he might not even clearly remember all of it. Personally, I think that maybe he did deserve an egg to the head! Do you think that maybe you could set a boundary about him speaking to her in the house and in front of the kids? I dont think that would be too much for you to ask him to respect your family like that.
Ill have to write more later! If you ever want to talk more privately, hit me up on FB.
And the biggest thing is this: We have all screwed this process up royally, more than once usually, the good thing is that its ok to mess up, you will have another chance tomorrow. Things didnt get as messed up as they are today with one single action, so one single action isnt going to fix it, or doom it. Cut yourself a break and have some hot cocoa!
I guess I gave the wrong finger to the wrong man...
So last night sucked royally - he ruined a playful fun conversation by getting defensive and turning it into an argument. We were deciding whether or not my 15 pound cat could fit under the bedroom door for goodness sake! I mean, this is not exactly something worth really fighting about. And so I asked him why he does that, turns playful banter into an argument. At which point he threw on a jacket and went "for a walk." Baloney. He went outside to call the OW. We had been discussing ML before the tiff. But I am not going to ML to a man who was outside professing his undying love to someone else. So I went to sleep.
And then this morning he left for work almost an hour early, supposedly to get ready for an inspection and to buy gear he doesn't have. Maybe so, but I doubt it. Nothing is open at 8 am. But it was not worth calling him out. Seriously, though, how the heck is he so naive? Does he think I'm dumb? HELLO! I went there first, duh.
But I decided that his actions this morning have nothing to do with me. I got up, fixed my hair to the best of my abilities (didn't find my hair dryer until after lunch unfortunately), put on my makeup, and presented him with a smile when he walked back into the house. Let him wonder...
I have made myself three promises/goals for now:
1. I will fix my hair and makeup every day, whether I feel like it or not.
2. I will have a smile on my face every time he comes home, even if I'd rather throw something (I have half a dozen eggs left ) at him.
3. I will not mention or allude to the OW, and if he provokes me I will walk away or change the subject.
Once I master these I hope to do some things that are bigger.
Also, I think it is time to move this thread to the Infidelity/Extramarital Affairs forum. Somebody please, how do I make a link to this original thread? Once I know that I will move, but all my friends will be able to find me - it will be the same name. Even though I think "living together, worlds apart" would be good too.
undefeated 24 H 24 S's 4, 2, 1 M 5 yrs
"Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all." ~Dale Carnegie
You can put the link in your signature line, or just in the message. I think that you just copy and paste it in, the address I mean, the http part and everything... there might be an easier way, but I think that works just fine.
Did you throw down the boundary about not calling her from within the house? Im sorry, I think that choosing to stay in the home is the right choice, but it can be a tough row to hoe. At least if he is calling her, hes not shoving your face in it, small blessing, I know.
And dont worry, I just got a new 18 pack of farm fresh free range, organic eggs, Ill let you borrow a few for ammo.
I guess I gave the wrong finger to the wrong man...
"Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all." ~Dale Carnegie
Um, hi everyone. I'm not having a bad day today, but I have been really rough recently. If anyone would be willing to provide some feedback, I could sure use it. The link to my new thread is above. Thanks!
undefeated 24 H 24 S's 4, 2, 1 M 5 yrs
"Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all." ~Dale Carnegie
Do you think that maybe you could set a boundary about him speaking to her in the house and in front of the kids? I dont think that would be too much for you to ask him to respect your family like that. 
) at him.