NB1, I go back and forth all the time on whether I should file or let this take its course.
I've been out seven months. Nine weeks ago I forced -- against DB rules -- our last R talk and she said she "hasn't changed her mind. We're getting divorced." Twenty days later she told me over the phone she would be "filing soon" but then 10 days later asked for attorneys who do collaborative divorce.
Since, we've had no R talks, she hasn't mentioned divorce, and since I'm at our old house every day during the week to see the girls off the bus, I can't find any kind of legal or financial paperwork -- or even Web sites or searches on her computer -- that indicate she's moved at all on filing.
I may be wrong. She may just be waiting until after the holidays.
So I'm stuck in limboland and there are days I set little deadlines for myself and if nothing has changed then I'll file. Then the next day we'll have a small but positive interaction and I'll think I can wait it through. Or I'll go to church and hear how the bible is against D and that'll make me stronger.
But then I'll notice -- like Saturday -- when she's out on the weekends when I have the girls, and I'll think that she's never going to come back to me and I'm being a chump. Or I'll be working a second job and wondering why I'm living like this while she gets to sit in our old home receiving generous support from me even though she outearns me.
I like to have a plan in place and just sitting here seems so -- frustrating. I have adopted a tentative plan that I keep coming back to. On Mother's Day, we'll have been separated a year and just finished a month (April) where it was my birthday and our anniversary.
If nothing has changed for the better, I'll have enough to pay a legal retainer and then will meet with my lawyer to see whether I should just get things going.
But tomorrow I may tell you I don't know about that plan. Every day is just so hard.
Don't know if that helps you. I just wanted you to know we all have these up-and-down days.
Me: 47, Ds 17-13, D final 6-11 http://tinyurl.com/yk4e2tz http://tiny.cc/thread2 http://tinyurl.com/ydtphqu http://tinyurl.com/thread4 http://tinyurl.com/3sm78k6 http://tinyurl.com/thread6
update. I went to meet her for coffee friday night.
she was hungry so we went to the food court in the mall. she picked on me for starting my shopping so soon! lol told me i looked good commented that she liked my shirt. picked on me about the grey hair i have now.
we spent about four hours together shopping and talking. I never brought up our relationship. she has a new job that she loves helping kids. so she is no longer depressed and seems very happy. she was bouncing around like i haven't seen her do in quite a while.
she hugged me and told me i am too skinny. i have lost 20 pounds since june (alot of that i attribute to drinking diet soda). i asked her too call me and she said she would on christmas eve.
her new job had her working like 80 hours a week.
I guess i shouldn't get my hopes up.
I asked if she would like to go to a hockey game and she said she would like that (we have never gone as a couple).
she needs to go to a doctor (specialist) for female problems and commented she would have to spend the night. its two hours from my house and four from her appartment.
Great job! As for her depression....don't be fooled, it's still there. Right now her new job has her focus, but give it about 6 months, maybe less, and she'll be down in the dumps again. It's a new high for her because it's something new.
Yes, she sure did notice you and what you've accomplished, i.e., the weight loss and your clothing.
Being just a friend and not putting any pressure on her w/relationship talks appears to be working well for now. Keep your expectations at zero and everything will be okay for now.
Keep up the good work! Merry Christmas!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
thank you. she sent me a merry christmas text yesterday without provcation.
i asked her if her father got the birthday card i sent him. she replied "yes he did... and I got my calender thank u"
this morning i sent her a message "I only have a min but i wanted to tell you mom really liked the snowman(it hangs on a candle). I told her it came from u:)"
She replied "aww thanks Jeep! tell her I LOVE the book. I hope u a wonderful Xmas"
I simply repled "i will tell her. It was an awesome christmas!"
I know this is prob nothing but i was hoping maybe it was a step in the right direction. i has been hard seeing people out with their loved ones and i am alone. this board has helped.
her cousin called me and told me all about it they had lunch together today and she bragged about her new guy. her cousin thinks she is wrong for leaving like she did.
Did her cousin tell you why she liked the OM so much? What was it that appealled to her?
Be all those things and more. When you meet up with her, act as if you don't have a care in the world and be confident. It'll be hard as hell to shove the thought of the OM in the background, but that's why you need to detach asap.
Show her who is the better guy. Cut her short and keep communications short and sweet. Like you have something better to do than to listen to her issues.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
i called her this morning we talked for 20 mins. didn't bring up the OM at all. asked her how she was and if she still wanted to go to a hockey game. she is going to Florida for her job so i don't know what to think. she said i could call her this Saturday.
