Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
Wow does time fly. Looks like 11/5 was my last post here. Months are just rolling by. Truth is I don't have tons to report on this end. Living my life, chugging along.
OK, so maybe some activity.
We were/are very close to completing dissolution. All terms have been agreed upon but no action taken. I really thought I was going to do it if we didn't make steps toward reconciliation by Christmas.
Oldest daughter was hospitalized for self injury. She's doing better now.
W is no longer seeing OM. I believe she broke up with him one too many times and he ended it for good.
W basically hit the wall and is very depressed. She's agreed to go sew a marriage counselor to see if there's anything left to salvage.
Several months ago it was my stretch goal just to get to this point. Now, I'm really not sure. While I did leave her, and I did contribute to 20 years of bad marriage, I see so clearly that I was not alone. Much of it was her, and while I'm not proud of what I did. I see how it could happen to anyone. At this point its probably impossible for her to admit too much. After all being left behind is hard. So we'll see how the counseling goes. Nothing seems to be happening very fast these days.
-rsf
AKA: "Ben the school teacher" --- Me:45, W:41 | Ds:10,12&14 | M:18, T:20 Me: MLC+PA+WAS+Separated 10/08 My Request to Reconcile Denied 7/09 W w/OM 6/09-11/09
This sounds like an opportunity for you two to work on things with no distractions from other relationships. Remember it is all you wanted a few months ago.
Agreed. A trial of counselling may help, at least to clear up how you both really feel together. Having OM out of the way DOES help. FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
Well she has gotten cold feet to some extent. She has basically backed off from going to counseling to see if we have a foundation to work from. Now she wants to focus on parenting and the troubles we're having with our oldest daughter. I'm sure it must feel risky to her. I get that. It's just that the days weeks and months are passing by and with time the love is dying. It's almost as if she wants to move forward but is afraid to take any risk. At the risk of losing everything. I get that too. Just a bummer. I wonder if she's afraid the counselor will suggest she try and she's not ready? Recommendations?should I wait? Go slow with counseling? We're really pretty good friends right now. Id hate to see things stay as they are.
-rsf
AKA: "Ben the school teacher" --- Me:45, W:41 | Ds:10,12&14 | M:18, T:20 Me: MLC+PA+WAS+Separated 10/08 My Request to Reconcile Denied 7/09 W w/OM 6/09-11/09
RSF, I'm not up on your entire thread, so here's my opinion FWIW...
Have you popped into the "piecing" thread? It might help to read some of the posts there and see who the vets are ... ask them to stop here and give advice... You need someone who has navigated these waters to help.. and most of us aren't there yet.
Just remember - you've been putting aside everything you feel about your W since this started. The love may not have died - its just hibernating. Sorting through all of your feelings now that there actually is a CHANCE to Reconcile might help you determine that. If you are in IC - great - you have new homework. If not I suggest it. Plus it will help you deal with your D.
Good luck and congrats on getting here!! Don't give up when you are so close to the finish line!!
Talia
ME28,WAH30, M 5YRS, T 7YRS ,OW/ILYBNILY/SEP 9/09 Served with D papers 6/6/10 Current
Well she has gotten cold feet to some extent. She has basically backed off from going to counseling to see if we have a foundation to work from. Now she wants to focus on parenting and the troubles we're having with our oldest daughter. I'm sure it must feel risky to her. I get that. It's just that the days weeks and months are passing by and with time the love is dying. It's almost as if she wants to move forward but is afraid to take any risk. At the risk of losing everything. I get that too. Just a bummer. I wonder if she's afraid the counselor will suggest she try and she's not ready? Recommendations?should I wait? Go slow with counseling? We're really pretty good friends right now. Id hate to see things stay as they are.
-rsf
Well, helllooo...have you ever gone back and read this thread from the start? I just did (well not all the way to the end but about 1/2 way from the beginning)...you had some good advice back then and I think you are now right at the point at which you should implement it...separate the kid issues from the R issues. Go in with the intention to effectively co-parent. Give that a little time and see what happens. There are risks involved for both of you, don't forget that...but what do I know?
Thanks Talia! Yes I am in IC. Have been for quite some time. In fact its a big part of what helped me determine I was wrong for leaving W in the first place...well of course I was wrong, I had an affair and left. Anyway, I've been DBing for many months now. Its really a challenge and even though there may still be hope...after hanging on for more than a half year its hard to keep going.
AKA: "Ben the school teacher" --- Me:45, W:41 | Ds:10,12&14 | M:18, T:20 Me: MLC+PA+WAS+Separated 10/08 My Request to Reconcile Denied 7/09 W w/OM 6/09-11/09
RSF, I'm glad to hear you are in IC.. good for you! Hang in there. You can look at it like you've been hanging on for 1.5 yrs OR you can look at it like - There's the finish line I MUST cross it. You are so close... Don't give up now. Its not over till its over. Get some piecing advice... Just remember.. You hurt her too so there's alot to repair. NOW she might be ready... give her the chance to before you give up again.
You're doing great!!
Talia
ME28,WAH30, M 5YRS, T 7YRS ,OW/ILYBNILY/SEP 9/09 Served with D papers 6/6/10 Current
