Hi all, Sorry it's been such a long time since I've posted. Busy w move and transition for a few wks. Surprised at how easy the move was on the east coast side (still getting set up on west) -I wasn't emotional or sad to leave at all...I think I was just really ready. Was wonderfun to be back in SF. The moment I got off the plane I thought 'why has it taken me so long to get back out here?' I'm in an environment that's much more me, love being w my friends...all in all so happy w the move and over H more and more...
Which brings me to my next point. I met a guy that I really, really like. This is not rebound-fling material...and while I'm being very cautious and trying to play it cool and not get too attached, I don't think I've ever felt this way before (including H). We were introduced briefly last summer by mutual friends, and kind of a crazy story - met w woman on a train in Philly in Feb who knew I was moving back to SF, said I had to meet this guy, etc. We FB friended, he called, asked me out..gone on couple dates (but like 7hr dates). Long talk, walks, so much in common, laughing, and definite attraction/chemistry. BUT, I haven't told him yet I'm in the process of D and really nervous about it. I can't wait much longer as I think it'll be weird to keep hanging out and me tell him much later.
The first night we met we were joking about how my life is like 'up in the air' w work/travel schedule. And he asked, what character are you? you're not married are you?' sort of joking. without thinking about it at all i just said 'no, i'm not married..' it just came out of my mouth as i really do not feel married at all anymore (frankly at this point I just want D over with and move on). So how do I backtrack now?
Part of me thought he might have known (old FB pics - now removed - have me and H in them, and b/c we have some mutual friends). But he's never probed further at all about past relationships so I'm not really sure. We've talked about our families, likes/dislikes, have so much in common that I feel like I'm lying by not having told him. Papers have not even been filed yet (I'm calling H this wk to get on this process!) but I was thinking of just telling him I'm going through D, been separated over 1.5yrs. I don't want to think he's rebound in any way and honestly I do feel like I've healed in many ways at this point from D and want to be open to healthy relationships.
How do you suggest I bring up? I've tried to hint at it a couple times (like 'early part of last yr was quite hard for me' or 'being in long-term relationship in past') but have not come out and let him know I am still M and going through this process. I guess I just need to proactively bring up, but I want to be careful how I talk about it..and I'm worried that it might alter his impression of me. Like 1) D in the first place and his thoughts on where my current state might be, and 2) the fact that I did not disclose this upfront.
I have a few thoughts but would welcome others. Hope you guys are well and I'll check back in soon. Peace all, hhh
Just be honest with him. Next time you get together tell him there's something you want to clear up first. Explain that you are getting divorced, have been separated for over 1.5 years, and you said you are single because that's how you see yourself. Sorry if there was any misunderstanding but you just wanted to make everything clear moving forward.
Then get the D papers filed and if H won't do it, do it yourself. If you're not ready to file then you're not ready to be in another relationship.
If you love somebody, set them free. http://tinyurl.com/2empx2g
welcome back, hhh! i was just looking through the threads for you today, wondering how you've been. i'm so glad you're happy out on the left coast and settling in and moving on!!
i agree with pearl...just tell him. be upfront and let him know how long you've been separated and that your relationship with your H has been over for a very very long time. i would apologize for not telling him sooner, but don't be overly apologetic about it, either. not everyone wants to let all their skeletons out of the closet when they are first getting to know someone...i don't think this will change the way he feels about you - and if it does, to heck with him, anyway!! being divorced (or in the process of a D) is no longer a valid excuse for someone not to want to date you. half of everyone on the market is divorced!!
big hugs to you and keep doing what you're doing!
Me30 H29 M2.5 T5 H moved out 1/23/2010 H wants signed agreement 3/30/2010 ...feeling hopeless
being divorced (or in the process of a D) is no longer a valid excuse for someone not to want to date you. half of everyone on the market is divorced!! 