On the verge of a meltdown.

[harpo]

@pigskin

I do put my faith in God.but I am still human.I trust in faith.but am finding it hard to have faith in trust.
thank you for your thoughts.

God Bless

[harpo]

@ gucci loafer

Sorry I forgot to thank you I appreciate your input.



God bless

[gucci loafer]

You are welcome. I know it hurts for some people to hear things like I told you. I never do it to hurt you ,but to help.
I have been doing this far too long to allow people in a situation such as your's not hear what is probably the actual truth. It won't be long you will have someone coming on here telling you and me that it IS possible that she isn't having an affair and it IS possible for a woman to leave a man without having an affair and yada yada yada..

The truth is that I have NO DOUBT she is lying to you.

The signs are ALL there..

1. Wants to leave you.
2. doing things with another man
3. won't work on healing the relationship with you (they will usually work on the relationship if they DON'T have someone else (unless there has been serious abuse) what would they have to lose? )
4. Sudden trips or vacations with.. mother, father, friends from work, aunts, uncles, all alone. and on and on and on


I am sure there are more that I am unaware of...


My take is that she is lying to you. I think you would be able to divorce bust better if you knew the facts and truth. Don't you? How can you correctly solve a problem if you don't know what the real problem is?

Many on here are against snooping.. NOT ME...

I say you need to be like Columbo. Find out what is REALLY going on and if she IS having an affair. Do not ask her because she will lie. You seem like a smart guy. Figure out something yourself. Remember. The Aunt and Uncle could very well be a cover. This trip with them is HIGHLY SUSPECT. Lovers sneak away all the time and will do and find any way possible to get some alone time. You don't think she would NOT have a cover story for a lie do you? (you must not be very good at lying if you don't know how to cover up for one)

Again.. This isn't meant to hurt you BUT TO HELP YOU.

Good luck..

[tryingtilDorR]

This friendship she has with the male co-worker probably has a LOT to do with her attitude about the M. Or, at a minimum, it is a barrier to getting her to consider working on the M.

Even if it isn't a PA, the fact that she spends time with a friend of the opposite sex while she is considering leaving you is a clear indicator.

Now, obviously she wasn't happy in the first place which opened her up to the possibility of letting someone else enter her life, but this friendship is like poison for your M I believe.

I suspected that the same thing was going on with my W and I resorted to snooping finally and learned the truth. Only then can you really effetively deal with the situation. You need to know what you are up against.

At a minimum, the relationship is inappropriate and affecting her desire to be with you, even if you can't verify that they are secretly meeting with one another. As soon as you identify things they are doing together that she won't admit to you or lies about you have your smoking gun I think. Start looking real hard.

[harpo]

O.K I hear what everyone is saying what I have noticed is,so far the only time they are together the kids are with them.they do work together and have know each other for 9 years.she is a corrections officer and only 5 females out of 95 employees.So she has a lot of male friends. I believe it can turn to poison and I will look at it with a magnified eye.I have told her it makes me very uncomfortable as well as the kids.she said if it was that much of an issue she would not go there.we will have to see.
On a side note I did spend a couple hours with her tonight.S12 had a meet and greet with his school football team,coaches and parents.we actually had a good night.it felt kind of weird though sitting with other parents we know from all the kids playing sports together.kind of twilite zoneish but it was a good night.

I thank everyone for their views and input.this is not a level field I am playing on but I do need to tip it one way or the other for my own sanity.

God Bless

[gucci loafer]

I believe it can turn to poison and I will look at it with a magnified eye.I have told her it makes me very uncomfortable as well as the kids.she said if it was that much of an issue she would not go there.

Good man. Be wise. Follow the evidence.

[harpo]

A turn for the worst.

The W returned from her trip today and was anxious to see the kiddo's.she stopped at the house and it quickly turned ugly.the kids have been here all week.started back at school and getting into there routines.she came with some little gifts shirts and stuff like that and while she was handing them out S8 said he didn't want a shirt he wanted to be back in his house and have his family back.at the time I was in the potty so I didn't hear it.she then went down to the family room and D6 asked her if she was ready to move back home yet.of course she said no and S14 asked if it was because of her new (man) friend from work.then S8 told her it was all her fault we didn't live together.during all this I was making diner so I had no idea it was going on until she went storming out of the house.I followed her out and asked what was wrong she said it was all her fault don't worry about it.jumped in her car and stormed off.when I asked the kids what happened S14 filled me in and all I could think was every little bit of progress I have made just got shot to s**t.

After the W left S8 was just a mess couldn't stop crying it was all his fault mom left,he shouldn't have said those mean things.it took a little while to settle him down but he was ok.then we called mom to apologize that went ok for him but then I got the phone and oh boy did she give me the shizel.like I put the kids up to that.she went on and on dragging up dirt for the last 2 decades.I told her I wasn't going to sit there and just let her b-slap at will,that we both had equal parts in our destruction and when she was calm enough to talk about it to call me back.

I feel for the kids though because they are going through some crap right now I try to comfort them and tell them things will get better that we both love them.and I hope it will.

S14 and S12 said that they didn't want to go back to my MIL's house that they wanted to stay at home.this is going to push some more of her buttons and I am not sure what to do.I have been trying to find work with no luck,very well may lose the house soon and the whole sitch has just dropped into the crapper.
I am try to persevere but it is getting tough.chest pains, anxiety attacks headaches I just want to drop the ball and run but I can't....chin up,deep breath push forward...tomorrow is another day.

God Bless

[harpo]

Haven't been here in a while.been keeping busy.have the kids a lot more often now.the W has been working lots of overtime because the house has gone into foreclosure.she has fought me pretty hard on this but I have stood my ground and refuse to leave the home.she has decided to pay the mort which is 3 months behind.she was a little upset because she has been wanting to find somewhere to rent and get out of her parents but rent right now is insane anywhere from $1100.00 and up plus two months security so a reality check for her.she is still unsure about coming home,she said it is going to take time.
she has been leaving the kids with me rather her parents which is a good thing.they seem to be a little more at ease at home and I think the W is finally seeing this.plus the g-parents are driving the kids nuts.and in turn they are driving my W nuts.I just think it is slowly getting better and she will come around.we have been communicating a lot better I told her I was tired of being enemies and that no matter how hard she was trying to set me off it wouldn't work I was committed to my marriage my kids and my life.it was time for her to let go of her insecurities and move forward.and that if she thought that divorce would make her happy she was terribly wrong.and to my surprise she agreed.so now we just move forward slowly building back trust and friendship.I keep praying I am there for my kids and I keep hope that it continues.that's all we can do.

God Bless

[harpo]

Well finally a break of luck.I am going back to work.and I have found the dream job to boot.I will be working in a custom shop building antique and custom hot rods.I am like a kid on Christmas.a 28,000 square foot shop loaded with unbelievable auto's.The Lord has answered my prayers.


God Bless

[SpyBunny]

Congratulations, Harpo- I hope things go well for you in your job!

Bunny