golfgirl, your h is jerking you around and wanting you to stop the D simply because this break-up is not on his terms anymore. You have finally grabbed some of the power back.
He and his OW could keep lulling you with mixed messages until they could hide assets and other company business. And I bet this is just what they're doing.
You simply cannot afford to be caught flat-footed. See if you can have your L get a hearing to freeze the assets.
And just what kind of sh!t is this that he wants to get coaching while he is still "deep" in his A??!!
Please listen to brandnewday as the advice is excellent.
When the bomb was first dropped on me, I just kept "spinning". I couldn't make a decision on anything. I do laugh now at some of the options that I was considering for my future. Thankfully, I didn't act on most of it. The one decision I was capable of was simply not to decide anything at that time.
H presented me with a settlement agreement. I sat on it for two years because my initial reaction was revenge. And I simply didn't want to mirror my H's behavior and go down that road. He also owns his own business, and I know there is some fishy money moving going on so I do understand your situation here.
Be still. Breathe. It is hard, but you just have to feel the pain now. It is part of the process that you have to go through. Yes, protect yourself financially. But a good attorney can do this without the divorce action. And times will be rough. But it will get better if you focus on you...give yourself some time to grieve and heal. This won't happen overnight. And while this is difficult, don't focus on him....what is he doing now, why did he send this message, is there a chance, etc. You have no control over him and what he does. He will go through this whether you like it or not. So let him deal with it and let the OW have the joy of being with this selfish, rude stranger. You don't deserve that.
BND is right. This (divorce) is not a game. All aspects of it are devastating, and as such, everything should be thought through carefully and if you aren't at a point right now where you can handle it (and most aren't this soon into it), just let it sit for a while. There is no harm in that.
Finally, I do believe that you will know if and when the time is right to let go of the marriage. I do not believe in divorce and do not want this. But I will be divorced within a week. I did everything that I could to not be divorced, but now accept and understand that I could never reconcile with my H. My final straw was the affair with my (former) good friend. The affairs during the marriage were not the deal breakers, but the friend...I knew I was done.
Re-read DivorceBusting. While the book is about saving marriages, it is also about saving yourself. That is what you should be concentrating on right now because you do have control over this. Don't respond to his texts or emails, especially when they are so messed up. They are a waste of your time and you don't need to give him or the OW any more mind space than you already do.
millicent, how do you do the financial piece without divorce action? My attorney asked that we get temporary orders to make certain the financial piece is taken care of and then we can sort of slow things down. That's where I thought we were headed...however as to Kimmie Lee's point, I believe there are some fishy things going on and I just want to be protected. I don't know right now about reconciliation....
Me 55 H 49 Married 21 years No kids bomb 5/09 filed 7/09 divorced and moving forward 5/10
I know it's a drag, but the fact is that the odds are against you saving your marriage. Don't believe me? Then just check out how few posts that are in the "Keeping the changes going....yadda...yadda....after reconciling.....yadda...."
So, you have to protect yourself NOW. No one is saying to get D'd this instant, but to "stay still" is foolhardy at best and devastating at worst.
Fact: Your H is still "DEEP" into the A. Your H is trying to cake-eat. Your H is trying to stall you, yet offers no sign that he is coming back.
Don't "be still" yourself right into the poor house. I know you are smarter than that.
Yep, Kimmie Lee I totally agree. People here have said not to act out of fear or emotion, however I also want to be smart (as you have eluded to). I hear nothing from my hubby about a possible reconciliation, so I need to keep moving forward.
Me 55 H 49 Married 21 years No kids bomb 5/09 filed 7/09 divorced and moving forward 5/10
Funny you should mention "respect." I don't believe my husband has an ounce of respect for me. When he starts talking to me, all I get is how horrible I've been, what I did wrong, yada yada. Okay, so NOT the perfect wife, but I loved and supported him for 20 years and I am tired of being blamed. What's your stitch Kimmie Lee?
Me 55 H 49 Married 21 years No kids bomb 5/09 filed 7/09 divorced and moving forward 5/10
Golfgirl1, H was very angry, until he made is final move out out totally, instead of coming home for a couple hours each night. She bought a new condo, he moved in, and after that, was less angry.I'm no expert, but, I'd say it is the indecision on top of the need to have exactly what they want(entitlement), and you being in the way, that made them angery. Once they've decided on a course of action, that angry may dissapate.
