Still smoldering......

[blindsided1]

Locked up. Last threadFire's Burning Out
Had to start a new thread. My old one finally locked. I'll be back to post, later.

[Tomato]

respondent # 1 (do not know what the heck I am reponding to ....oh yeah the fire in case it is still smoldering)will take a "mind eraser on da rocks" ...and don't ask me how to make it ..lol

Peace

Ted

[S.T. _I Made It!]

saving your new thread. love ya!

[Startingover2]

Takes me awhile to realize you have a new thread!

Hope you had a great weekend.

Yes, Tomato Bs and I are both guilty of snooping. You are right and we talk about that all the time. Sort of self torture.

[blindsided1]

WARNING, WARNING...LONG AND DRAMA FILLED



So, lots of drama….H says that he want to pick K up from school early last Friday. This makes me unhappy because that would mean I wouldn’t see her from Fri at 6:30-Sun at 6pm (he’s not supposed to pick her up until 6pm on Fri)…anyway, he says that maybe I can meet him somewhere on Sat to see her for a moment. Well, Saturday comes around and he doesn’t call. So, I text him and tell him that I would like to say goodnight to her before I go out for the evening. He doesn’t respond. About a half hour later, I text him that if he is not going to uphold his agreements to let me talk to her when he picks her up early, then we will just go by the book and he can pick her up from my home on Friday’s at 6pm from now on. A minute later he calls. I get to hear her little voice. He tells me that she has been cranky and laying on the tile that day. I asked if she had a fever, he says he doesn’t know. Sunday, my BIL texts me in the morning to let me know that K is really cranky and OW thinks its because she is getting sick. I respond and say that I’ll take a look at her when she gets home. So, a couple hours go by and I text BIL (because I can’t seem to communicate with H) and ask how she is doing. He says she is screaming. About 10 min later, H calls and asks if he can bring K home early. I say “yes, what time”…”Now” he says. No problem.

H brings her home. She is roasting. I ask him if he took her temperature…he says “no, but I gave her some Tylenol and it didn’t work”. He proceeds to come on to me and talk about sex. Here… our daughter is boiling up, she is cranky and obviously in distress and he is talking sex with me…..great guy. I calm her down, get her some water and we walk him out. I tell him that the next time I see him (3 weeks) our D will be final. He says “no, it won’t. We still have another quote date.” I tell him that the CS issue is separate and that I have filed the final paperwork and he should be getting the final dissolution in the mail. He asks me when and I tell him this week, probably. I kissed him and said good-bye and walked in the house. Don’t ask me why I kissed him. I just wanted to kiss him and our marriage good-bye, I guess.

So, I feed K, give her a nap, give her some milk, give her another nap, feed her again, hug her, comfort her and by 7ish she is feeling better and playing. No more fever. But, she is cranky and has a hard time going to sleep that night.

Monday, she seems fine. She gets up, not cranky, eating. I take her to school. About 9am I get a call from school telling me that she is screaming at nothing and has been for ½ hour. I ask if she has a fever and they say no. So, I said give her some water and comfort her and if she doesn’t calm down, call me back. So, she calmed down, finally. I guess it was pretty rough. They said that she was screaming for no reason. Not screams of pain, just screeching. And, she was hitting and pushing the teachers away.

So, I text H and ask him to call me. He calls me and I ask him if he has noticed any behavioral issues lately. He tells me that the last two times he has had her she has been a “little brat”. That she screeches and throws tantrums and has hit him, once. I ask him if he has her on a pretty structured schedule because both these times are times he has had her for a full weekend. He said that he does. He MAKES her take a nap whether she want to or not. He tells me that she will sit in her crib screaming and crying for an hour and then finally fall asleep. But, he is not going to get her out until she takes a nap.

At this point, I want to kick his a$$. #1 she’s 1 year old, not 5. #2 – now I know where the screeching is coming from and why the last two times she comes home doing this AND hitting. So, I try to figure out a way to tell him that maybe that isn’t the best way to handle the sitch. But, how do you do that….with HIM? So, I just say “well, look into it on the internet or something. I had been doing some research because she was having some sleep issues for a little while there. I read that if you ignore the crying and screaming, it just makes it worse….” He didn’t take it bad….argued a little, but that was it. Then he tells me that he had her out at a baseball game for a few hours on Saturday. I said that was fine as long as she is hydrated. He says "she had water, that's all she drank. She has a little water bottle and she knows where it is if she gets thirsty". Again, she is 1 year old, NOT 5 years old.

Anyway......it turns out OW has been snooping around MY FB somehow, thru BIL or MIL's page. She calls H and tells him that I am talking sh!t about how he doesn't take care of his d, on there. I didn't say ONE thing about him NOT taking care of her. I said, that I was happy to have her home and that Mommy's love fixes everything...there were other comments on there about him not taking care of her properly from people who do not particulary care for him. The thing OW neglected to tell him was that I went on and posted a note defending him, basically and then I deleted all those disparaging remarks. I told him this. It just got heated from there. He goes on to tell me that OW is a better woman, a better mother, a better match for him. He hits below the belt as much as he can. I can't understand what is going on at this point and why he is being so mean and cruel. I can't take it and I start bawling. He is going far over that line. I just let loose about how much I hate him for what he did. How I am sick of hearing how some woman that bought him, cheated with him while he had a pregnant wife, basically helped destroy my family and my marriage ....how could he even believe that she was a better ANYTHING????? Then he takes it to another level and tells me that if I don't stop talking to his brother, that I am going to cause him to get kicked out of their home. He tells me that I have not right to check on my daughter. What goes on in his home is NONE of my business. BS. When it is about my daughter, it is. And, I don't even care about THEIR business. I wanted to know how my daughter was feeling and I can't talk to him. I HATE HIS GUTS. I HATE HIM.

BIL calls me later and tells me that he hates his brother, too. That he has always made everyone's life hard, his DAd, his Mom, his life. That BIL has tried to have a relationship with him, but has now given up on him as a human being. He says that there is no hope for him. He is mean, he has no loyalty and he treats the people who love him the most, like crap. He said that it's pathetic because OW pays for everything and all she wants is just to have someone there. And, all H wants is to have money, that is the only thing he thinks will create happiness for him. BIL goes on to tell me that it's sad to watch her buy things after things after things and work extra shifts to pay for all his toys and he still needs more and more THINGS. He also told me that it makes him sad that his brother would sure enough choose a stranger over him or anyone else in their family including his pregnant wife. I felt sad. Because I feel as though I am going to be where his Brother is right now....giving up on H...COMPLETELY. I told H that I was begging him not to destroy what little compassion and love I have left for him as Kendall's father. How can someone be this messed up and this cruel.

The last little thing BIL told me was that OW told BIL that "it takes a special kinda guy to be with a chick who has kids". Ha ha. I had to laugh. What kinds of guys did she date before if she thinks this is special???? Then about a half hour later, BIL texts me "their fighting". I just responded..."run, get outta there as quick as you can before you get sucked into the vortex".

I'm better today. But, I feel soooo incredibly sad that this is the man I thought I loved and chose to marry and wanted to be with and have a family with.....and he is the cruelest man I have ever met.

[The Wifey]

Oh, honey, I want to go bat-[censored]-crazy on him. That poor little baby! Keep notes. Keep notes on everything, and if you have to - make his visitations court supervised.

I have to wonder how long the kept-boy-man wanna' be will be "special" and treated to toys. That has to get old after a while.

He is cruel and I would absolutely keep to your schedule to the letter. Also, you tell your BIL to let you know if he ever sees that little one screaming, or upset, or neglected. If you have to get a police escort then you go and get her.

I am so sorry you have to be tormented this way and truly, truly worried for K.

[Startingover2]

I hate hearing that he just lets her cry for an hour. I would flip out. Seems abusive. Agree with Wifey....have BIL text you and you go get her. There seems to be some sort of control issues with your H. You are a big girl...K isn't.

[S.T. _I Made It!]

ick. don't have any other words. IMHO, everyone has made him worse and worse. Everyone, even you (luckily you have mostly stopped- but why on earth kiss him!! silly girl) has enabled him to be this way, and I can see this OW is the worst one.

you know, I think the only thing I woulda said when he was comparing you to her would be, oh, and that's why your coming to me for sex?

is there anyway to take him to court again for the custody? I mean, gosh, this is just ridiculous. I feel so sorry for that other baby too, I mean, that poor baby has to live with him all the time, thankfully K has you most of her time, but he should have her as little as possible.

I would also go to your doctor and tell him about the hour long crying and see if he can get anything in writing for you, either to give to some courts, or to give to H so he'll quit doing it.

I'm glad that you were calm enough to not fight with him over it, cause you know that woulda turned ugly and who knows if he would take your advice.

I'm so sorry B, just pray and pray over your D every day.

[blindsided1]

Wifey - no kidding....I wanted to reach through the phone line and rip out his heart. But, I stayed calm and non-confrontational. I just tried to suggest maybe researching it a little more...yah, right! Him? Research? That would require reading.

I keep notes on absolutely EVERYTHING. Just in case. I still keep notes on his visitation pattern even though we have an established custody order. But, you never know what kinda crap he's gonna try.

I wondered how long OW was going to put up with him and having to buy him...but it's been almost 2 years. So, I guess the answer to that would be....Until he marries her. She'll at least keep it up until then. Now that we are going to be divorced in the next week or so....I bet she is going to turn up the heat. And, honestly, I don't believe H really WANTS to marry her...but, he's going to have to if he wants to keep his toys. Although, who's to say that once they are married she doesn't make him sell his toys because they need the money. I'd laugh my a$$ off. And, I have a feeling they ARE going to need the money because I called Child Support Services and they recieved my application. They are just now processing it. It may take another 8 weeks....but, it's coming. If I only had a polaroid of the looks on their faces when they get the letter from the DA. But, even though I know it is going to stir up the drama again and his anger and rage...it is what needs to be done for Kendall. I can't keep on like this...struggling to feed us and pay the bills, just because he doesn't want to lose any money. It's for his daughter and he doesn't even care....wait, he might care (slightly)...I dont think he even realizes it or thinks about it that way.

As far as BIL is concerned....he loves K too much to let H get away with anything, much less OW.

[blindsided1]

SO2 - my heart wrenched when he said that. For some reason he treats K like she is a kindergardner or even a pre-schooler for that matter...she's 1, 1, 1,1,