Well, I had a really good Christmas and I hope all of you did too!
My H spent Christmas with me and the kids and my family and I also spent some time with his family.
Its been about 3 months now with NO talk of him changing his mind which is a first for him in 3 years. Things have seemed good lately. I just have to try not to freak out when He gets really down. I have to remember its not got anything to do with me, and thats hard.
He got me some really nice gifts that I werent expecting for Christmas. It was just all nice. He even stayed over Christmas eve night so he could be there when the kids woke up the next morning.
Now I feel here comes the real test...THe holidays are coming to an end. Real everyday life is getting back to normal, how will he react?
Kissak
"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3 M-37 H-37 S-10, D-15 M- 1993 First bomb- 12/23/06 Came and went too MANY times! Gone again 10-25-10
I am also very happy for you and your family that your Christmas was very nice from start to finish. It seems your family is getting closer all the time. The kids must love what is happening in their family.
It's such a special time of year.
Best Wishes to you and your family for the happiest of New Years!!
(((((Hugs)))))
Sanderika
ME48/H48MLC T 33y M 28y S16 OW 8/7/05 Bomb 8/16/05 Sep 9/05 H f'd D 10/3/08 D pp'd 1/20/09,7/24/09,12/4/09 D dismissed 2/5/10 H served me D papers again 9/4/10 D dismissed 9/26/11
Sanderika...just observing your signature...my H and I pp'd divorce (the second filing that is)for nearly 2 years...while he was away and for a long while after his return...I see you are in the pp'ing stages as well...I wish a good outcome for you...I am one of the forutnate ones...my marriage was saved!
Thank you for the good wishes, sorry to hijack kissak....
I am faced with another court appointment on 2/5/10. The judge here will not postpone a 4th time. She has demanded we either move forward with the D or she will dismiss this case.
I want so very badly to save my marriage....I think about it and my H 24/7. I am hurting right now......
My H was very attentive for several weeks this fall....
He is still with OW. He only spent 2 1/2 hours with us on Christmas. He did not buy me a gift this year. I heard just last night that he spent New Year's with OW as well.
I gave my H gifts for the first time in several years. He was appreciative. I sent him a txt last night: I want u 2 have a Happy New Year. He replied: Same to you
I am sooooo sad and down. I do not think my marriage can be repaired. I am desperate for suggestions.
My H was away on business for almost three weeks prior to Christmas and he texted and/or call me everyday....he kept saying he missed me, couldn't wait to see me and then our holidays have been one huge disappointment for me and son.
Maybe you could stop buy my thread and help me.
Our datelines are similar except that you got your marriage back on track after three or so years and I am still struggling to save mine at almost 4 1/2 post bomb.
Thank you for offering encouragement. The postponing stage has been ongoing now for almost a full year. I wonder why....if H is not making more effort to recommit.
Sanderika
ME48/H48MLC T 33y M 28y S16 OW 8/7/05 Bomb 8/16/05 Sep 9/05 H f'd D 10/3/08 D pp'd 1/20/09,7/24/09,12/4/09 D dismissed 2/5/10 H served me D papers again 9/4/10 D dismissed 9/26/11
"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3 M-37 H-37 S-10, D-15 M- 1993 First bomb- 12/23/06 Came and went too MANY times! Gone again 10-25-10
Come across something interesting today. My H was at my shop helping to fix my ceiling. While he was here he cleaned out his wallet and his truck. He gave me some trash and asked if I could shred it for him. I said sure and then went to plug my shredder in. I dropped some of what he gave me and I saw written on something in his handwriting. It was a poem. I could only make out parts of it. Said some things like him missing someone and his heart hurting...etc. I quickly put it in the shredder. It was on a paycheck stub dating back to June 09. So, Im guessing he werent writing that to me....as of June he still werent over the OW. Guess he was attempting to get her back with a poem at that time because she had just left her H. But then she quickly moved on with someone else. I have to be careful...I know this. He once told me however that he wouldnt come back if he thought he would be tempted to leave me for her again. Maybe...idk. He really has seemed so different over the last month. More like the old him. He has stopped by my shop every day he has been off the last week or so on the days I have been here...just to talk or whatever. Im seeing changes in him. Its weird...but nice. I just hope it lasts....funny, he even forgot he had therapy yesterday and missed it! He seems to be needing it less.
I hope this is just a good start for the new year!
Last edited by kissak; 01/05/1009:27 PM.
Kissak
"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3 M-37 H-37 S-10, D-15 M- 1993 First bomb- 12/23/06 Came and went too MANY times! Gone again 10-25-10
I am glad you quickly shredded the writing. It is not relevant to the situation anymore. That is now past. Some women would have mentioned it to their H. That would have been a mistake for sure.
I think to move forward with H you need to put the wrongs well behind you.
It's all about having lived through this experience in he!! and learning from it to be able to embrace the current and future.
Leaving the past in the past except for the lessons learned is great advice right now. Embrace the current. Maintain your current attitude with H. Think of the future and move forward.
My advice is to find the place where you are relaxed with H about what is happening now. He needs to feel forgiveness and unconditional love to move forward with you. He needs to feel he CAN come back and there will be no grudges and throw-backs.
Another thing is to be able to trust your H. This will be slow in coming. It will take time and only with positive action and reinforcement from H will it occur. In the meantime, I think it is very fair that you keep some guard up and walk the path with him lightly. I hear your fears and hesitation about H's current actions. You are entitled. He has not yet earned full trust or relaxation from you about this relationship. My guess is you know him well enough to recognize his behavior as genuine or not. I think he knows the pain he has caused to his family and is sorry for it.
As they say, Time and Patience.....you are doing everything right. Maintain.....
My thoughts are with you, take care...
Sanderika
ME48/H48MLC T 33y M 28y S16 OW 8/7/05 Bomb 8/16/05 Sep 9/05 H f'd D 10/3/08 D pp'd 1/20/09,7/24/09,12/4/09 D dismissed 2/5/10 H served me D papers again 9/4/10 D dismissed 9/26/11
Thanks Sanderika...its good to hear from you. I wasnt surprised to find something like his writing to the OW. But I do realize it was the past...it just surprised me that it was a recent as 6 months ago. But then again, at that time it had only been about a year since their break up. I for one know the time it takes to get "over" someone, if there is such a thing.
Things are going good though and Im wondering if and when I should bring up the subject of how he is feeling about us...or if I should just let him bring up the subject, but knowing him, he is probably waiting on me.
I have to say something he did tell me a while back and Im not sure if I posted it already, but he told me that he always wondered why I never chased after him and begged for him to come back home in the past....I asked him if that would have done any good and he replyed "probably not"....so why make myself look weak? Just something I wanted to tell everyone.
I have noticed that he does not text me much at all anymore. He is attached to his phone alot less than before. I miss it some, but I like not having to listen out for my phone as much.
Kissak
"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3 M-37 H-37 S-10, D-15 M- 1993 First bomb- 12/23/06 Came and went too MANY times! Gone again 10-25-10
