Fib, at the end of the day, I know you want what is best for your son. I think what is best for him is that he feels loved by both of his parents. He needs to feel safe right now. He needs to feel that he could go to either of you and tell you his feelings. It is difficult for boys. Mine is 18 and does not ever tell him what he is feeling.
So, let me ask you, did either of you ask him if he prefers to ride in with his team? Perhaps that is a question you could ask. Not to put any pressure on him to choose between you and his mom, just if he wants to ride in with his teammates.
Dont worry about the control thing. It doesnt matter right now. Just get your kids through this with the least amount of collateral damage.
Do what will make him happy on this day. That is what is important. The other stuff between you and your w, and the issues you both have with each other, leave between the two of you.
Whether you are in control or she, emasculated or not, crazy or not, who was right or wrong, etc. leave it for another day, FIB.
For this day, for your son, do what you think is best for him. Make a happy memory for him amidst the turmoil. You will be glad you did.
Thank you BM. I know that his preference is to drive in with me and be with his team throughout. To tell him to 'tell' his mom that would be pressure on him.
HOWEVER, I WILL teach him to make his feelings known and not to have fear expressing himself. THAT..is an issue now. Pardon my language but I think he is being p-whipped..ordered around...etc.
I am also now considering getting him a cell phone. Although it works both ways, I want him to feel free to call me whenever he wants. This is going to infuriate her.
FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
this the ONE time I think little kids NEED a cell phone and you can get something like a "x" fly which allows him to call 5 numbers only IF you want...
You are still going to be there and as a COACH didn't she notice THAT part? WTH? Hope you go out there on the field and stand there and LET HER STAND THERE TOO LIKE THE IDIOT SHE IS....
SHEESH!! (Most polite word I can say now....)
No one thinks you are wussing out Frank. NO ONE . Seriously. We all know you are putting your son ahead of you and that's what real parents, male or female do. She's failing, not you. THe boundaries you need to show and enforce are for your w's benefit and will come REAL SOON in my book....but please don't even bother talking as if someone here thinks you are not being "Manly" here. You are one of the most manly men I know. in the best sense of the word. OMG are you kidding?
Oh, SIGH..and hugs and prayers ALL your way FIB....you have them coming....
(((((((( j )))))))
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
I never said you are a wuss and you know I don't think that of you at all. You are one of the toughest men I know.
My post was a list of "what if's" as I was thinking out loud about different concepts.
I'm not really sure how this is affecting your kids. I was thinking out loud and wondering IF she does these things because she CAN. Hence the reason I ask what the Alpha Male thing would be to do. And I know you and I have the same definition for Alpha Male.
And honestly, I am not sure which is worse for the kids. Having their mother be out of control to the extent that they can't be sure if they will see their dad, or reigning her in so they have more predictability.
I think 25yearsmlc has the best suggestions. Stand up to her with witnesses. Scare her with legal action. I think it's time for hardball.
As far as the phone, she would just take it away from him.
Stay tough. You are a great man. And DO NOT talk about yourself as if you are a Wuss. You are far from that.
FIB, get him a cell phone, who cares if she is going to be furious. And you know how I feel about her as a parent. Shameful.
I dont think you should 'tell' him to tell his mom his wishes. But I was curious if he mentioned to you that he wanted to drive with you.
FIB, you know what, just enjoy the day with your son as best you can. Until you are out of this impossible situation of living together, you should make it as easy as you can on your children. However, please try to get your lawyer to move on some things. Someone needs to push the LG along here, for goodness sake. These kids are being damaged and it should not be ok. Do what you have to within the judicial system to get them protected.
On another note, how can I be friends with a freakin' Met fan?
As far as the phone, she would just take it away from him.
Maybe you can have the court order her to not interfere with communications with his cell phone. Then when she does interfere nail her good. Just a thought
FIB...your a wuss..... just felt like throwing that out there
Look, I get what your doing, and I understand your logic. However...(cause there's always a however)... while you are teaching your son these life lessons you should also teach him that sometimes when people continue to walk all over you, you have to strike back.
So Citi field is a big place, is there somewhere you are meeting her? I hope like hell she honors what she said she would do. If she does not, take the gloves off Frank. A little story......
One week not to long ago I needed to have Ross on a Thursday rather than on Wednesday. Now mind you my normal day is Thursday, but I had switched to Wednesdays because I coached his soccer Wednesday nights. Well, Carrie said sorry but we have plans Thursday night. I said fine no problem.
So when Ross comes back home to me on Sunday night while we were talking he mentions that he went with mom to OM's house for dinner on Thursday. I told him that I wanted to have him that night but mom had told me they had plans. He proceeds to tell me that Carrie had told him that I couldn't clear my schedule to be with him on Thursday and it was my choice to not have him.
Gotta love it right?
Well, first off I told my son the truth. I told him that his mom was incorrect and that I had actually asked to be with him Thursday night. He got upset with his mom. He called her.. no prompting from me... he asks her why she lied. Her response... he misunderstood her.
My response to all this, I simply emailed her, copied both our lawyers and the GAL and filled her in on the fact that she had done damage to our son. That if she did it again we would be going back to court to determine what is best for him. Made it very clear that even though we are apart, in the eyes of the law she is still married so taking him to her boyfriends house was completely inappropriate.
She of course texted me and asked why I had to involve all these other people. I simply replied " You do not seem to learn any other way then when I prove to you that I am not playing around. When you act like a responsible parent you will no longer have to worry about me emailing anyone. Do not play games with me, I will not allow you to do that to our son. "
My son understands from all of this that he is my priority. He also understand that regardless of who you are dealing with, if they take advantage of you, you react.
Believe me Frank, I know I am comparing apples to oranges when it comes to Carrie and your wife. It is still the same though just at different levels of the poor parenting. You want it to stop, show her that you will not tolerate the bad behavior.
I was in Walgreens the other day and you can get a flippin cell phone(pay as you go) for as little as $20. So what if she throws it away. She doesn't know it only cost you $20 and now you've got some pretty hard evidence(where's the cell phone?) that she's playing control games. Not bad for the price of an average dinner on the town(Well, maybe not NY, but other places )
<< Made it very clear that even though we are apart, in the eyes of the law she is still married so taking him to her boyfriends house was completely inappropriate.
How about if you're still married and she's moved in with OM and the D is not yet final (this was Kerry's case and is mine too). I agree its "inappropriate" but what does the law do for us?
I don't even think the law cares to do much for the lying. Often the kids are asked to lie.
That depends on how good your GAL is and if your in the midst of a custody battle. In my case it is huge since he was a family friend and counselor to my D15 who does not see her mom. Its all based on your circumstance.
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