Yes im in our home. she left. we have virtually no contact except through text.Everyone tells me life will get better. I'm having a hard time seeing that. My kids only half of the time is killing me.
I only see mine once every two weeks. I only get texts as she is detaching from me, its tough and it is a long road ahead. Keep posting, it's been my saviour and all the great people on it will help you. Try an take your mind off it if you can, go to the gym, walk, read a book, go and see friends/family, this will help you, it certainly has me. Have you seen a copy of Divorce Remedy yet?
Best wishes,
Mark
Bomb dropped: 19/12/08 Me:48 WAW:41 D:10 S:6 Married: 15 years
Yes, I've read D.R. over and over. but not done a very good job of it. but most of what I've read here these waw never look back. I'm trying hard not to lose hope but it sure doesnt look good.
I pray my WAW will see I am a better man and father when the time is right. At the moment I do not want to think my future is not going to be with my wife or ex-wife as she will be a couple of months. If she is with somebody else I have to try and be a better man than him, but as I do not know for sure who this person is/might be I cannot do anything about it. As has been said before many times, we cannot do or say anything that will change a WAW, therefore try to focus on your children and you.
In time who knows what will happen, but you will always have a connection with your wife because of your children. Try to keep the moral high ground, try to rise above anything that may be said to hurt you, she will continually try to justify her decision, therefore do not get drawn into arguments and try to use the techniques in DR and the more experienced posters here.
I will not give in until I know I have no chance of getting my wife back, this is the most painful experience I have ever had, but I also do not want to be in an endless painful limbo either. Try to be upbeat, try all the techniques you can and try to monitor things, the point being if you want to save you relationship and you are like me, if I have to drop the rope and move on, I do not want to think I did not do everything I could to try and save our relationship. If I am being honest I do not think my relationship can be saved either as too many things have happened over the years which I was oblivious to, I also know I will be heartbroken and incredibly sad for years, but I must be strong for my children and for me that might be the only way any possible reconcilliation may be possible in the future.
Last edited by markhaving probs; 04/22/0905:10 AM.
Bomb dropped: 19/12/08 Me:48 WAW:41 D:10 S:6 Married: 15 years
Thanks. sounds like you are right where I am. I guess I've droppedthe rope we communicate very rarely and then by email or text.I sometimes think that maybe this holding on to hope is bad for me and I should get her as far gone as possible. but thats not what I would like to happen.I am trying to sell our home right now and all the assets we have. Gonna really take a beating in this market. But all she says is get it done. I wish I would have found this site post bomb. probably wouldnt be here. I have my boys 4 days aweek and while their home they try to think up ways to get mom home. its really sad for them.
As I have been told by some fantastic posters, we cannot control our spouses. I am taking the advice to concentrate fully on my children, they already have one unpredictable parent so you have to be strong and consistent for them. Please have a look at my posts on the infidelity/affair forum as I have received great advice there in how to deal with my situation which is similar to yours. It is under 'probable affair' heading. While I am not suggesting your wife might be in some sort of relationship, the posts I have received tell me to solely think about the children. I am so glad I have PositivelyMommy contributing to my posts as having a womans perspective on this is invaluable.
We all know this is a living hell but continue with DR, GAL etc and hopefully with patience and consistent actions you wife should see you are a changed man and would be somebody she could come back to. I am by no means an expert on this, I am providing this information based on the great advice I have received.
I am going to try and concentrate on one thing now and that is to be there for my children, to be the best father I can.
Bomb dropped: 19/12/08 Me:48 WAW:41 D:10 S:6 Married: 15 years
Thanks for your words of encorougment I guess I came here looking for that silver bullet. I am definately concentrating on my boys. lawyer called last night and said final divorce papers were in. It is what it is, something I will never understand. prayers to you
Lost- I feel your pain. My H has made it very clear that I am no longer apart of his life and will be filling for divorce when he returns from his trip to see OW. I thought God blessed me today with the fact that H couldnt bring his new family back with him, but some family members intervened and I think I lost any shot I had. I am devistated but am going to continue to try and be nice cause thats really who I am. I will never understand what my H is thinking but I cant carry this pain like I have. You will be in my prayers.
Lost - How are you today? I am sorry to hear the final divorce papers are with your lawyer. I am trying to put that day out of my mind, but it is not easy when a WAW is on a fast track to divorce. As painful as it might be, and this is not easy to hear, do not rule out another person. I have not found any concrete evidence to support this, but my gut feeling, her weight loss, new wardrobe, underwear etc points to my wife having an affair I'm afraid.
This situation for us all is heart breaking, gut wrenching, and difficult to bear and we will have to bear bad days in the future. We are all in a living nightmare but please vent here if ever you need, you will be supported and encouraged. Best wishes to you and your boys.
Mark
Bomb dropped: 19/12/08 Me:48 WAW:41 D:10 S:6 Married: 15 years
Really down today. Shes taking the boys to a racing event that we always attended together. I am gonna work on the house as it is on the market. We built it ourselves 5 years ago. and if it does not sell soon I am gonna be in trouble.
I have definately not ruled out OM. in fact I somewhat suspect. but she has done an excellent job of hiding it, but she has done everything you say your wife has. probably better I dont know. I figure it will come out real soon.
I have read most every thread here and it says to take care of yourself and your kids. and I'm trying to do that. I just feel like every dream and hope for the future has been eliminated. as I'm sure most do at this point.
