It's been a while since my last post. I can't even find my last thread.
Life has been busy for me lately. School takes up a lot of my time, well that and facebook!
Anyway, my parent's finally sold their second home after 3 years of it being on the market. So, they are now in a position to help me out on my end. (Like they haven't done enough, )
My house still hasn't sold and our contract with the agency we were listed with is over. So, with the timing of my parents selling the house and ex willing to take a low offer for the house, we may buy him out so I can stay in my home for at least another 4 years (until I graduate and get a job).
However, ex is ... well you know what he is. So...of course he is being impatient.
He was all for it when I brought the idea up to him and he said "Oh, it will be the best for the kids...this is a great idea!).
That was last week. He wants an offer already and is pushing us to give it to him. I told him we needed time to look into our different options and we will have an offer for him next week.
Well that is not good enough for him.
He's a pain in the arse.
He always has to add stress.
Nothing can be simple when dealing with him.
I just need him to give us another week. We are having an appraiser come in on Tuesday because my lawyer recommended we do this to make sure we are putting in an offer that will benefit us. My lawyer doesn't want ex to know about it though.
I told ex that my parents will not be pushed into making an offer when they are putting a lot of their money at stake.
He is just going to have to wait.
On another note, he brought back the kids tonight. I haven't seem them since Monday. I missed them. Back to school tomorrow for them. I did ask them if there Dad took off work for the week and the oldest said "No, Stephanie watched us." Blah...makes me a little annoyed that I have to give my kids up for the week so she can have them. But not much I can do about it. Like the rest of this, it is what it is. I can't sit back and dwell on all of it or else I will just lead a bitter life. Don't want that.
Oh, and I gave the boys some ice cream when they came home and S8 said "Thanks Mommy. You are the best mom in the whole world. I love you!" Stephanie can try, but she won't replace me.
Classes are going ok for me. I have another 3 weeks and then I am done for the semester. I have an appointment with a private college on Tuesday, I am hoping to transfer there from the community college I am currently going to.
You sound great. Glad you are posting again. Don't rush any offer, make him wait until you feel clear on what you want to do.
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
Glad to see you posting that you can't be replaced by anyone else. You are Mom. You will always be Mom. No court can take that away. When the kids are not around a bit, and return, they will be coming home to Mom ... that they will always love deeply.
Congrats on school going well, it will help you prepare for your best life, the one you will control.
The X may need reminding that no one else is rushing forward with an offer that is "best for the kids" and that being patient for a week or two would also be "a great idea". I fear he is just anxious to know how much he can rush out and spend, and he will.
He must think your loving parents got paid for their other home in gold coins that they are about to just give him. That skips things called appraisals, comps, and their own application for a mortgage or refi ... whatever. In fact, you should be looking around for a Plan B house. If he doesn't like their offer, you might want a Plan B house in mind. Let the X find a bottom feeder offer and sell for whatever he can get, less for him!
In a Plan B house that keeps you and the kids in the same area, you might wake up in a home that has never been his, that he has no illusion of rights to enter at will, and so on. Kind of a new start on life with no thanks to him. Just a thought.
I only hope the best for you and the kids, in what ever form that takes.
In a Plan B house that keeps you and the kids in the same area, you might wake up in a home that has never been his, that he has no illusion of rights to enter at will, and so on. Kind of a new start on life with no thanks to him. Just a thought.
MissH,
I know you want to make this tough time of life as easy as possible for your kids, but I think Was2sad's suggestion makes a lot of sense.
For a long time I didn't want to sell my home because I wanted to keep a sense of normalcy for the kids---to keep SOMEthing stable and familiar for them. And, to be completely honest, I still thought my H would eventually come home to me and the kids, and would kick himself if his "dream house" was gone as a result of his stupidity.
But now that the divorce is final, and chances are he will never turn back towards his family, especially as it looks as though he is about to marry the bimbOW, I am looking forward to getting the h*ll out of this house. The kids and I need to make new routines and new memories.
This house is too full of him---the kids (and I) still think of and refer to certain places in the house in terms of him. "Daddy's room" (the study), "Daddy's closet," "Daddy's side of the bathroom," etc.
I think (I hope, I pray) it will be easier for us to focus on the new, the positive, and the future, in a new place that doesn't have his "stamp" all over it.
And though this is a rather crappy market in which to sell a house, there are some really good deals to be had if you are buying. The mortgage interest rates are very low. Just something for you to consider......
Me:40, xH:41 M:19 T:21 D14, S10, D6 IDLYA bomb:12/22/06 OW bomb (21 yr. old employee):12/23/06 H move out 2/07, OW move in 5/07 D papers served 6/07 D final Nov. 26, 08 :-(
Glad to see you posting that you can't be replaced by anyone else. You are Mom. You will always be Mom. No court can take that away. When the kids are not around a bit, and return, they will be coming home to Mom ... that they will always love deeply.
Thank you, sometimes I need reminders of this, yesterday was one of those time and then s8 telling me he loved me was a reminder.
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The X may need reminding that no one else is rushing forward with an offer that is "best for the kids" and that being patient for a week or two would also be "a great idea".
I reminded him of this, it went in one ear and out the other.
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I fear he is just anxious to know how much he can rush out and spend, and he will
Funny you say this. S8 was telling me that his Dad brought him and S5 a new jungle gym set that cost 15 thousand dollars (I think he really meant to say 1,500 dollars. I asked him how he knew how much it cost and he said he saw the price tag online when his father showed him the picture. Amazing, for someone who is constantly crying poverty to me he sure can afford some nice toys. NEVER would he have spent that much before on such things. In fact when we got a swing set here for the kids, he only agreed to spend $400 on one because his mom gave $100 to each of the boys on Christmas one year. Just like he spends on vacations with the boys and bimbo. We never once went on a family vacation when we were together because he didn't want to spend the money.
Regarding a plan B house, we may have to do that if ex does not take our offer. The only problem is there is not much in the price range we can afford and the ones that are, well they need a lot of fixing up. That's what is nice about the current home. It's only 7 years old so everything is in good shape (knock on wood).
TP, how have you been?
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I still thought my H would eventually come home to me and the kids, and would kick himself if his "dream house" was gone as a result of his stupidity.
I know my ex will never come back. To be quite honest, and I know some of you out there will want to hit me with a 2x4 for saying this, but I honestly believe that most wayward spouses do not come back. Sure there are some, but I believe most of them remain broken. I actually would not be staying in this house for any of those reasons. Ex has been gone so long that I have already created new memories in this house without him. Besides which, I don't want my ex back.
And yes, it's a very crappy market out there for the seller. Ex wants to lower the price of the house to a low price so he can get his money. I, however, am not willing to sell low.
However, in about 4 years when I hopefully have a teaching career I will sell then if the market is right. Then I will know what I can really afford on my own and where I want to live. I don't want to keep uprooting the kids.
So good to see/hear that you are doing well. I was surprised to see that the OW in your case has the same as mine. It has really moved me away from even saying that name since most of the ones I know are not very nice to begin with.
Our house has ghosts of "daddy" but I am trying to change some things on my own and maybe a new color of paint here and there will get rid of his memory being there!
Keep hanging in there!
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Ms. H, How are you? You great, except for school the added stress from the xh. Sounds to me like he's spending money he's not received yet.
As for the trips, the extra things he's doing for the kids....credit cards and loans can provide wonderful things, but at the end of the term...he's got to pay up in full w/interest. Trust me, when it's all said and done, you will make out financially because you know how to watch a dollar and not spend like there is not tomorrow.
If you should buy your xh, you will need to stipulate that he is never to just walk in...doorbell is to be rung or knock on the door. He is not to enter unless invited, etc. He will be a guest, not someone who had lived there if you opt to go the route of purchasing the house. Boundaries will definitely need to be set w/this man.
Hang in there....there is truly light at the end of the tunnel.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Well, us buying ex out of his share of the house isn't going to happen.
I only qualify for a hundred thousand dollar mortgage and I need to qualify for a hundred and fifty thousand one (what is left on the mortgage to pay). My parents don't want to put all their money into a shakey investment. I can't blame them.
But anyway, now I am feeling depressed and angry at ex. I tried not to get my hopes up high about staying in my house, but nevertheless I did. It just really pisses me off that I have to sell the house and live godknowswhere while throwing away a lot of money in rent. All the while he got to buy a nice house, in a nice neighborhood, with a big yard with the ow and they still manage to afford all the extras, like vacations, recreation and an expensive swing set for the kids. It just feels like I keep losing and he keeps winning. Where is the fairness in that?
I just feel like nothing good is going to happen in my life again. I lived my dream...A wonderful husband, 2 wonderful kids...an intact family, a nice neighborhood, and a sense of security. Now that has been ripped out from under me. It really bothers me that the ow gets to enjoy all of this now.
I am thankful I have my children. However, I just feel like such a failure sometimes as their mother. I can't even protect them from all of this crap.
I hope my house sells fast in a way, I am just so tired of having to keep it perfectly clean for the market. I have enough on my plate as it is.
Miss H, Hi! I'm sorry you are feeling so down right now. And, I am sorry that things did not work out so that you could stay in your house. But, please try to focus on the positives (Trust me, I know that is not always easy). Think of how cool it will be to make a fresh start in a new place...a place that your exH has never lived in and has no "control" over...a place that you can make all your own. That would be so exciting to me!
I know it stings when you think of all the "nice" things he has now; I feel that way sometimes when I have to take my kids to their dad's and I see the nice house he is living in (on a golf course). But, then, I think about how he only gets to see the kids 2 weekends out of the month and a few extra days here and there and I am reminded that I am the one who is blessed. Maybe he does have a nicer house; but, I have the love and respect of my children. And, I have a MUCH closer relationship to them than he will ever have. They know what he has done and the pain that he has caused and they want no part of it. Plus, he and the OW (now his wife) are both having to work at least 3 jobs a piece....life is not always as sweet for them as we think it is.
Miss H, you are in NO way a failure!! You got a bad deal, as did all of us here. Now, you pick yourself up and you start over. Look at how far you have come and how much you have learned! Use this time to develop a stronger relationship with your boys and to continue to grow.
)
Stephanie can try, but she won't replace me.
