Look, reasonable people differ on the whole "confront-and-expose" thing, but the fact is that you can ask 100 people their opinion on it, and you're going to get something in between 40/60 and 60/40, and then where are you going to be?
Right back where you started, and that is that YOU have to decide what you think is best for your situation.
The only thing I WOULD encourage you to do is to make your decision based on what you think will be the most effective, and not based on what will be the most uncomfortable or what will "make her mad."
"The only thing I WOULD encourage you to do is to make your decision based on what you think will be the most effective, and not based on what will be the most uncomfortable or what will "make her mad."
I would like to confront her on my observations but without full blown proof it will look like pursuing and will set me back again. She would not admit to anything (as we all know WAW's) and will probably talk her way out of it. I do not believe an effective decision would be to confront her without more evidence, but being seperated makes the chance of getting evidence difficult, also if she suspects I know she will get even more secretative.
Bomb dropped: 19/12/08 Me:48 WAW:41 D:10 S:6 Married: 15 years
If there is a way to get back into your home, I would do it. You are right that she is only going to be able to continue her affair more easily and in her mind she is now fully "separated" and that makes it ok (in her mind).
Definitely don't read into the phone conversation about asking why you needed your suit, etc. I believe the questions she asks now will be for only a couple reasons. She wants to make sure she knows where you are because she doesn't want to get caught, and because she will be afraid she won't know all that YOU do (loss of control).
If she is having an affair and you have proof, will it change what you do from here on out? How specifically?
Going home is not an option as I have found we have communicated better since we seperated last week (apart from this moring when we had a face to face row over money), and it also stabalises the children.
You're right actually, finding out if she is having an affair won't really change anything, I suppose as Puppy said on my original thread it gives a REASON for what she is doing. If I was to find out I would want to inform everybody she knows including her family as I think she is fast tracking our divorce so that she can unveil a new beau after the divorce, so that she would not look bad in front of family and friends. The deceit and the fact I knew but could not prove it would be a difficult scenario to bear.
Maybe I am letting my imagination run away with me, as has been said many times before I cannot do anything about what she is doing so forget her and concentrate on the children, but we all know how hard that is.
Bomb dropped: 19/12/08 Me:48 WAW:41 D:10 S:6 Married: 15 years
You are making things easy for her out of fear. Why fear losing her when you have lost your home, your kids 24/7 and soon a chunk of your paycheck along with any savings? Put things in the proper perspective and see what you can bear.
Hi Mark, I feel your pain. I am separated for over two years and our situations are quite similar. Let me summarize what I learned so may be you can find a piece of advice. - Do not try to find yourself any information on whereabouts of your wife. Do not check (as I once done) her cell phone bills, do not come to house where she lives when you are not expected, do not check her internet history etc, etc, etc. If you are like me then you will not stop till you find smth which may support your suspicions,and this is terribly destructive. So avoid collecting any information about your wife. -Your wife is 41, she may be in MLC. So she tries to live fast. By the way she very well may realize that everything she needs she already has with you -even before she is in PA. - There is a statistics that EA/PA continues in average 5-7 months. Then walked away spouse normally realizes how wrong she was. - You should be always supportive but not annoyingly close to your wife for all this time God bless you, I will pray for your family Art
