Why do I feel so dang guilty about my R with my ex Fiance'? I feel like I was a total monster with him. He tried to make me happy, but in the end, I just couldn't get there with him and I really don't know why. I think he did all the right things, but for some reason, I just didn't engage into the R like I would normally. Soomething wasn't right with it and I couldn't and still can't put my finger on it. I was a total depressed slug around him. I didn't want to clean the house or do normal things. I had no desire, no energy, I felt nothing and that is so unlike me. I really can't figure it out.
Gwyn, you feel guilty about the R with your ex-fiance simply because you have not yet learned to shore up your own boundaries and new coping mechanisms in relationships. You are repeating your past. It's really clear to me at least!
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He tried to make me happy, but in the end, I just couldn't get there with him and I really don't know why.
You cannot really and truly let someone into your life, and accept there love unconditionally, until you have learned to totally and unconditionally love yourself. IOW, no one can make you happy, you decide that you are happy and you act accordingly. A relationship can't be the only "happy" thing in your life. You are depressed. You are beating yourself up, focusing on the past, and engaging yourself in non-productive thinking. You have to find ways to focus on the good in you and remaining grounded and in the current moment.
Have you gone to see an IC? What support have you got beyond this board?
K has it right, you prob need treatment for depression, you are beating yourself up harshly and obviously you were not feeling ok while being with him.
As far as him trying to make you happy I'm not sure... he pretty much told you what an awful lover you were in a cruel way, a loving partner would've just parted ways amicably and not try to pound you into the ground about how he wasn't satisfied.
I had a depressed partner and the last things I would've done was to recriminate him about how poorly he was doing and how he didnt' satisfied me... all I cared about was his well-being, to be there for him for the long haul and to do all I could to lift him up. That's what a real partner does.
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
Here's what I've been pondering. I don't need to be in a relationship right now as I have nothing to give I've been letting life control me rather than me controling life. For now, I need a network of friends, not someone who wants me to be at the beckon call. I want a friend! Which is something that was lacking with my ex-fiancee and what I had with my ex-husband. My ex-fiance wasn't my friend. He did what he thought was right so I'm not being insensitive to that, but it wasn't what I needed. He continued to tell me his needs weren't being met but you know what, neither were mine so our relationship suffered. It's okay. I know it's the best thing for both of us. I'm sad, yes, I'm scared, yes, I'm confused, yes. But even that's okay. Right now, I need to get to a place where I'm comfortable with me before I can be comfortable with someone else. Which frankly, I don't know how to do and that's okay too. It's a challenge and I take it on. My ex-fiance is full of venom right now, he despises me, even though he tells me that he loves me. Not love in my book, if he loved me, he would let me talk about my feelings which he won't because he tells me that "I need to get over it" In a sense he's right, but I needed a shoulder and he wasn't offering it. He is a negative person and I think what would be best for me is to surround my self with positive. And that my friends, is my new goal.
All is not so great. Not horrible, but not wonderful either. My XF and I are talking and we were getting along better until.......he started asking for something that I'm not comfortable with and now he's right back to the blame game. I didn't do this, I'm not this, you treated me bad, this is all the stuff I get from here. IT STOPS NOW!!!!! I really am done! I simply cannot take it anymore so in my opinion. I'm done.
Gotta go for now and I'll keep you all informed. Thanks for asking Cat.
if this R is not bringing anything but grief then you have to ask yourself why do you still communication with such a toxic person hon, take care of yourself)))))) some people have some sort of void/unhappiness that they fill it with making others as miserable or try to shift the blame elsewhere.
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
