I just read this posting and it has helped me to pick up my head and heart once again. My husband left about 6 weeks ago and started a relationship with another woman before he left. We have been married for 12 years and I dont want to loose my hope and prayers when I get myself down. I came across this posting on accident, but it was exactly what I needed to pick my self up again. I think that its great to have you on here. May God bless all of you and I also include everyone in my prayers at night. May God help all of our marriages and help us to do what we can to restore them.
Dance queen- Can you suggest some reading that I can read about rebound relationships. I am curious about reading more on the subject but most of the books im finding are only talking about the whole picture on relationships. I would greatly appreciate it. Thanks.
Thanks hopefull and I'm so happy to read that this post helped you.
The only book I can think of that might be along the lines of what you are looking for is Starting Over by John Gray. This book is addressing Starting Over from any big trauma, but usually it refers to divorce or a big break up. It talks about how many men will try to find a rebound girl, a "band-aid" for the pain of break up, and how this really never works out and it isn't fair to the rebound girl. Women do this too but men are more notorious for not working through emotional pain. Women are better at it and its harder for them to move on. But the book is all about how you can't move into a healthy new relationship until you are healed from past ones. Even if you think you are healed, you aren't until enough time passes and enough lessons are learned. The book helps to guide you through this moving on, so it will really help YOU too, in case you are needing to move on now or in the future.
The most important thing is to get people around you to support you. The DB coaches will help as will the boards, but you need some people you can call on a moments notice who will listen and guide you when things that are going on seem crazy.
Go to your church leaders and ask for help setting up connections if you don't have any.
Thank you guys so much for the advice. I am struggling very much right now and am trying to keep myself together especially since my kids are starting to show the effects its having on them. i just want to know that I have done everything I can for savign my marriage and making myself more knowledgeable with the situation. I did find a book that I feel has answered soem of my questions and given me a bigger hope towards doing all that I can. The book is called "Hope for the seperated" by Gary Chapman. I am returning to my faith and this book has helped me with my faith and and trying to do what I can, God willing to help my marriage. I did try to fond the book that Dance queen suggested but I have to special order it which I am. Thank you guys again. May God bless all of you and you are all in my prayers. I feel so much better knowing that I have the support on here.
Ok guys i have a question for you all. As you know my husband left me for OW and has even left to bring here back to live with him. I have a question to pose here. Would you consider this a midlife crisis or something else? I know that I had my faults but I think it is odd that he said he needed space cause he wasnt getting it at home and now hes putting himself into yet the same situation which he left. Sure this OW is seeing his good side that anyone starts doing when dating, but why abandon your family to only take on another one similar to your own? Maybe hes afraid of commitment?! Im trying not to spend too much time dweling on this subject but it just baffles me. I would love to hear what everyone here thinks. He told me he wants a divorce but yet hasnt even begun the process? HMMM?
Ok guys i have a question for you all. As you know my husband left me for OW and has even left to bring here back to live with him. I have a question to pose here. Would you consider this a midlife crisis or something else? I know that I had my faults but I think it is odd that he said he needed space cause he wasnt getting it at home and now hes putting himself into yet the same situation which he left. Sure this OW is seeing his good side that anyone starts doing when dating, but why abandon your family to only take on another one similar to your own? Maybe hes afraid of commitment?! Im trying not to spend too much time dweling on this subject but it just baffles me. I would love to hear what everyone here thinks. He told me he wants a divorce but yet hasnt even begun the process? HMMM?
I'm not sure as my W told me she wanted to be independent then she moved out and into OM's place....I don't see this as being independent, as she is now dependent on OM because she still gives me money for the kids/house.
Me-44 WAW-42 (ILYBNILWY) S-16 S-14 M-10/17/1992 T23 Met OM 10/10/08; Bomb 12/27/08; Moved in with OM 01/27/09 Me stronger and happier everyday!
My hubby has done the same thing. Left a 19 year marriage for OW. He just walked away from 3 kids to live at her house with her son. He thinks he has feelings for her. I personally think long term relationships can get comfortable... and they got a taste of excitement with someone new and so they think that is love. I dont know if its a mid life crisis, but when they realize what a stupid choice they made, eventually that excitement will go away, they will have regrets. The choice for us at home is how long can we wait? Good luck... I dont post much..Im horrible at giving advise..still trying to take it!:)
Hopefullfaith, A midlife crisis a lot of times shows up in men as leaving their M, hanging out with guys half their age, a sudden concern to fit back into their levis from when they were 25, wanting to change careers. Absolutely nothing in his life is right anymore. My H actually became like a 17 year old boy, "Nobody understands... " pouting and whiny, he moved in with an 18 and 19 year olds, and slept on their couches for 5 months.
I think that he probably thinks that he wants a D, but is scared of not having a M to go back to when his A fails, and it will. You are his safety net. Dont believe anything he says right now, I dont think he understands what hes doing anymore than you do. My H has said things like he wishes someone had knocked some sense into him, or he wishes somebody had slapped him.
I guess I gave the wrong finger to the wrong man...
My WAW's MLC looks a lot like this too. Nothings right, never loved you, wrong from the beginning, never wanted to be married, hangs out at clubs all the time, texts more than most teens, friends are young single or divorced.
"My actions are my only true belongings. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions. My actions are the ground upon which I stand." Thich Nhat Hanh
" pouting and whiny, he moved in with an 18 and 19 year olds, and slept on their couches for 5 months.