I point-blank asked her if we were 100% done, and she can't even give me an answer? You know what, I'm happy, I'm fulfilled, I'm content, I know who I am, and what I'm worth.
Well she didn't answer that you were 100% done.
She could have - there is doubt there.
In the end it is your choice, only you can walk this path, we each have our own stories and our problems.
All we can do is share our experiences, lend our support, ask for advice, etc.
One thing I read the other day which was a bit of an eye opener for me only because I hadn't read anything like it before.
It has a religious context to it so be prepared.
God is a perfect being. He created this world. Yet this world isn't perfect, far from it. Every day, we witness everything that isn't perfect in it. In our own lives, everyday, we are witness to everything that isn't perfect, everything that requires work, lots & lots of work, struggle, patience, etc.
It's not that the world isn't perfect and it's not that God couldn't make it perfect. We've been created to assist in that perfection process. All of these problems have manifested themselves in our lives for a reason, a purpose: to assist in the perfection process, to make things better. Our mission in life, our goal in life is to take on responsibility for our small part in perfection - to make those areas in our life that aren't perfect, into something perfect.
That is your goal in life JD with regards to your life, your kids and your wife.
All I'm saying is that maybe you are finally turning a corner here with your wife and you're at a point where you are fed up and don't want to work on this anymore. You're tired, this process was too hard on you & the kids and it needs to stop.
Agreed. This process sucks. It's definitely something I don't want anyone else to go through.
Resentment breeds entitlement.
You've stuck it out. Been the better person and your wife took the easier path and wasted a whole lot of time during this process, dragged you through the muck, hurt you, made you endure alot of pain and you're angry and rightfully so.
That's the resentment part.
You've done more than your fair share of db'ing, participated in the forums, shared your situation with us, listened, provided feedback, put your time in and then some. You've done everything that would have worked and it didn't pan out the way it should have. You deserve better than what you've rec'd to date.
That's the entitlement part.
Now you're issuing ultimatums, going to the lawyers, filing for divorce and calling it quits.
Again this is your choice JD, it's your life, I can't live it for you, none of us. You have kids to take care of, a life to live, job, bills, responsibilities on top of responsibilities. All of this crap is hard and I'll call it crap because I can't give it a better name that I would be allowed to post in this public forum. We deserved better from our spouses because we trusted them with our hearts and our love and they abused that trust and when it comes down to it, that's probably the worst abuse: the abuse of the trust in the marriage.
God doesn't give us problems we can't handle. This one you have on your shoulders is a doozy but it's there for a reason. Maybe you should hold on a little longer - it's up to you in the end but I wouldn't feel right if I didn't offer you the perspective from another viewpoint. Maybe you should continue participating in God's perfection process, help him help you become the architect of your perfect marriage - transform that lump of coal into a diamond.
That was inspiring, Robx. JD, do you think she would go to Retrouvaille with you? It's only a weekend, and no matter what happens next, improved communication is beneficial to the whole family for the rest of your lives.
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
I got with my attorney today - W had previously filed divorce against ME, so my attorney had all of my original paperwork, so that is going to save me some time and money. I have to get that all filled out before I can actually "file".
W got her tax return (ahem OUR tax return), so went to get her tires done. She was texting me, sending me little funny jokes, telling me about some guy that was there that looked like Bob Ross (the PBS painter guy).
Robx - your post WAS inspiring. If I hadn't given everything in me for almost 3 years, it would probably inspire me.
But, at some point, there is a balance between reality and hope. I'm the most optimistic person you'll ever meet - glass COMPLETELY full kind of guy. But, I'm dragging my kids through an affair now.
They know I love W, W knows I love her - they know what I've done, and who I've become. If W is going to reject that, then I don't need to be with her, and my kids need to know the boundaries as well.
Spiritually, I have given God COMPLETE permission over my life. So, I'm going to move forward in a reasonable, normal manner, and if God stops me at any point, I will slam the brakes like nobody's business!
JD! Was checking in on your Friday outcome, looks like you had a little snag there...
Anyways, i am torn between rob's attitude and yours, I can really imagine what it must be to be in your sitch for 3 years. At some point you reach the state of mind that enough is enough and no change seems to be happening.
On the other hand, sitch's always change, they will never stay the same forever. There are some changes happening right now, so it would be worthwile waiting to see how they pan out.
Sorry to lean back and forth there ^^
I do remember you telling us that you were going to concentrate on your kids and that you weren't interested in dating or anything like that. In that context, the words a few posts up struck me: you said that you weren't putting your life on hold any longer. So I have to ask you in what aspect do you feel your life is on hold right now? Are you trying to make an important career decision, moving decision...? I guess what I am asking is: is there some other factor pushing you to force a decision? I do COMPLETELY understand you wanting to clarify things for your kids, but I think you did that with the talk you had with them.
