craig54 divorced but still love my wife

[fisherman]

Stay strong Craig.

You sound like one heckuva guy man. Hold tight to that faith and continue to KNOW that you are being taken care of.

[craig54]

My ex and I were at a family birthday party today. It did not feel as weird as I thought it would.We also went and did our taxes together, I told the tax preparer before she got there that we were divorced.We have been going to him for many years.It was matter of fact, no surprises, and we will get something back. I continue to pray for her, and must realize that this will take time.

[craig54]

Today I had to go to morgan stanley and take my wife's name off of all my IRA's and 401k. It is interesting how people react when you tell that that you are divorced. Some people want to congratulate you and some people are very sorry. If given the chance I usually tell them it was not what I wanted.I intend to invite her to church this sunday, I really want her to know that I really care about what happens to her regardless of our marital status.Her soul is more important than anything. At times I am relieved that the paper work is finalized, it takes a cetain amount of pressure off.My boss called me into his office today and we talked for a few minutes about my situation. He is genuiuly concerned. He talked about raising my salary to help offset the loss of my wifes incomce. I was truly surprised about the offer. We have worked together for over 30years.

[craig54]

I always thought that once the divorce became final it would make letting go easier. I was wrong, way wrong. She is still as confused as ever, acts like nothing has changed,part of me really wants to let go and move on, but part of me still , for some reason , has hope she will come out of this MLC. Am I fooling myself?I am tired of the pain.

[graceallday]

Craig- What I heard is that the divorce actually doesnt change what the Wal away thinks it will either.....its just most lbs are hurt and bitter and can not endure the waiting....only you can decide to wait or not...but really the divorce does not change things and the walk away does not find the releif they think they will...like you I feel like ok less pressure.....and ok those feelings of I am not enough...well ok..less pressure there too...I would just be still grow in the Lord and seek Gods will for you.....trying to get away from the pain isnt the solution....but just dont focus on it..

[Jack_Three_Beans]

Craig,

Do they come out of it?

I think most of them do...I have no data...just my belief, I also have no timeline, years a lot or a few.

I don't know what to offer you except to enjoy life...it makes the days pass quickly, the days that eat away at years. You know?
My wife wanting to talk to me came out the blue, and really f-ed up plans I had for my future without her. I don't think I can convey to you how much I didn't want to offer her that opportunity, I don't think you are capable of believing it right now. But I was enjoying life and looking forward to what it would bring.

[craig54]

Grace, JTB, thank you for the input, I know the correct thing is to wait upon the Lord, I have enough on my plate right now to keep me busy , honestly, coming here is the only place I can come and people understand. I am so tired of explaining my situation to people who want to understand, but unless you have been through this , it is very difficult. I understand what you are saying, Jack, about how you felt when your wife wanted to talk, and you didn't. I am learning to enjoy my life, I keep busy with Church based happenings. Keeping up on the house is a full time job in itself.This is just a transition, I know that, I just need to take care of the kids, and myself.

[craig54]

Jack , what part of alaska do you live in. Just curious, I spent a summer in Tanana Alaska, in 1971, during high school. An experience I will never forget.

[Jack_Three_Beans]

Anchorage. I like adventure 20-40 minutes away from home.

[COG]

Craig,

Sorry to hear about your D, and the state you now find yourself in. It hurts.

There's a program that I went through when W and I separated and were heading towards D. It's a Christian based program called DivorceCare. http://www.divorcecare.com A good program to help you transition from where you are now to where you want to be.

Love is an action, not a feeling; therefore you should always love your W, even XW. Try to analyze the feelings and the thought that generate them. What I thought was love I felt after loosing my W, was really fear and sadness. I was sad that our M was dead. It was like loosing a loved one, over and over every time I saw her. I was afraid that the pain would never go away, but it did. Long before we reconciled, the darkness, the cloudiness, the pain, began to subside.

It started when I began to view my W through the eyes of Christ. I did my best to stop judging her, stop controlling her, stop thinking about her, and moved on with my life. See her as Christ does. Pray for her, love her (1 Corinth. 13), and let her go.

What you do with your life should be the things that are best for YOU. Take care of yourself my brother. Pray for healing, and the strength and courage that it will take to continue loving your W, as you love all those other people around you. She is a child of God, on her own path, and you are His soldier.

Take life one moment at a time, and rest assured that healing will come, and YOU will be blessed beyond your wildest dreams.

God Bless,

COG