[/quote] Your wife is addicted to the feel good chemicals that is flooding her brain from the excitement with OM in the EA. I did not know about any of this until it happen to me. After I heard about it, I started reading about what could happen to a women if it continues and it scared me to death. [/quote]
Sandi,
What was it that you read that changed your mind? I'd love to read it.
Last edited by Helpers; 02/21/0902:17 AM.
Together since Feb. 2003 Maried since July 2007 Bomb occured early Dec. 2008 She's approved for a lease mid Feb. 2009 (deciding on if to take it or not)
the group that I attend is very supportive but they are not prying or aware of anything that is happening.
I think in some ways my wife really need the space from me and has been staying away from relating to OM and other relationships. She is aware and hurt that I am jealous and weary of her relationships. But she is also upset that I spoke to him and confronted him and is keeping her distance now.
every women in the group feels very comfortable talking to OM as he is blind and they actually "babysit" quite alot. he's a very good listener and connects very well with all the ladies in the group. My wife is immersing herself with work and she does not have time for anything else.
I'm taking your suggestions and I'm also reading alot of others like John Gray's Men are from Mars.
I'm keeping my contacts with OM minimal and will also not let him know any details of DB.
OM has not acknowledged that there is anything going between both of them but is feeling bad that he has caused a strong drift and wedge between us. He feels tri-angulated but knows now that he has to stay away so that we could heal and deal with our MR.
Things are pretty calm for now as I continue to give her space, watch what I say, speak very little, keep smiling and just enjoy the little things in life, I'm actually feeling lighter, more relaxed and less pressured to fix our MR but more motivated to enjoy and rediscover myself.
thanks for your support and patience, you're doing a wonderful job. keep up your great work.
What was it that you read that changed your mind? I'd love to read it.
It was an E-book called "Women's Infidelity" by Michelle Langley. There are actually 2 parts, book I and book 2, but they are worth the price. I don't remember how much it was b/c it was a couple of years ago, but it was well worth it to get my eyes open. It talks about how she desires to have the "in love" feelings and so when she is in an A, she gets that b/c there is a certain chemical (can't remember the name) but it is released into her brain and makes her feel fantastic. I can testifiy to that, b/c I experienced it. Anyway, it is like a drug you get addicted to and when it begin to fade and that affair breaks up, she goes looking for another b/c she wants that "feeling" again. It is that feeling she craves....not the man himself. But as with other drugs, the more she involves herself in that, the more she needs to satisfy her needs. What happens it that after a while, nothing will give her those feelings anymore. It is like it kind of burns those brain cells up (my words, not the books) and she gets where she doesn't have any love feelings left available for anyone. Her life begins a downward spiral effect trying to find a man that will give her those great feelings again, but it doesn't happen b/c the chemicals don't rush into her brain like they did that first time or two. I suppose it is kind of like some other drugs in the more your partake of it, the less affect it has until you hit rock bottom. That is what happens to the women who crave those "in-love" brain chemicals. They go from man to man seeking that good feeling again, until they hit rock bottom. It is tragic to read how things can turn out. I had come on the board by that time, and had read what people were telling me, but when I actually read those two short books, it got my undivided attention.
I think, though, you can just go into search and type in some key words like "feel good brain chemicals" or "in love brain chemicals"....something like that to get you going into the medical terms of how it happens. I also did that to discover what people were telling me was a scientific fact and not just something somebody made up to scare WAS's. This is my own opinion based partly on my belief system, but I think the way women are made up differently, I believe that it has a greater affect on women than men....but that is strickly a personal opinion. Anyway, I don't know if the books are still available on line, but you could probably get the other information, anyway. Good luck.
Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
That is interesting. The first thought one has is that they are helping him out of showing him compassion. He must be be doing something to feed your W's love language. If her LL is words of affirmation.....that could do it! Do you know what her LL is?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
