PM Thread #4

[PositivelyMommy]

Thanks MLC, it really gives me something to think about. I am so glad that you H finally got it. You have done amazing work and it's good to hear that finally he is listening to you. Hope you both hang in there!

I am going offline for a few days. Will be back abt a week. Take care everyone and I will catch up with yr sitch's later. I am thinking of all of you.

[TxMomw/2girls]

just wanted to stop by - I see you are out of town... touch base when you are back...

thinking of you

[PositivelyMommy]

Hi Everyone,
Back in town. Nothing much to report except that H didn't call once. He did call last time when we were out of town for a week. But nothing this time. He seems to be pulling further away. Maybe still in a fog I don't know. Kids finally noticed that I wasn't wearing my wedding band (after three months). I didn't really answer them, I just said that it was at home in a safe place.

[PositivelyMommy]

Journaling:
H coming tomorrow to spend the days with kids. I have to remind myself what my IC said, 'Kill him with kindness.', 'Smile, act friendly'. I have to follow his advice to a 'T' if I was to stand a chance at all.

But for the past week, I have had pretty negative thoughts about possibility of future reconciliation. I just, at the moment, don't believe it's going to happen. But I have to give this one last try before I give up. Must do this.

[Can it work]

PM

I answered your post in my thread already but I just wanted to come on here and offer my support to you.

What you're doing by still trying is admirable. Your resolve is amazing. I only hope if I'm still in the same place a year after the bomb that I can be as strong as you. I have read that a MLC can take anything up to 3 years to blow over. I'm sure you've seen that too? That must be a really difficult time frame to get your head around.

I understand that by not hearing from your H in a week that your negative feelings would increase towards the reconcilliation. I'd wait to see how things pan out over the weekend though. Do what your IC said and then pay attention to all the reactions your H makes. I honestly believe from your previous posts that you were starting to make some progress. I know myself that when you see the first signs that the wall may be weakening, you get your hopes up again and start hoping for more signs quickly. It does seem though in reality that these signs don't happen all at once. One thing my DB coach told me though was that it's the first stage that takes all the time. Once you move past it, things start to happen much quicker.

Stay strong PM. I still believe in you here. And keep smiling.

Kev

[PositivelyMommy]

Thanks Kev, I really needed your words. You are absolutely right. The week away caused a lot of anxiety in me. I don't know why it's happened this time. I guess because he didn't ask anything about us before we left and the fact that he seemed uninterested. And the fact that he didn't call. I kind of know how things will pan out this weekend. We are always on our best behavior to make everything as 'normal' as possible and to avoid conflict. It's for the best actually because then there is no awful scenes. My goal is still to make the kids as happy as possible. I don't want them to hurt.

Thanks for yur input from DB Coach, I didn't know the first stage takes up all the time. I guess especially since there is OW involved, and MLC, it just takes even longer. OK, now my expectations are lowered and I can relax a bit. I will try to be friends.
The kids called him because they wanted to talk to him after we arrived. I just acted real casual on the phone and asked him how his week was. He hummed and ahhed and said he was busy, everyday. ( Yeah right, the weekend as well, uh-huh). Well, I just let it slide. No use pinpointing him and needling him. I am expecting him to lie. It's just a pity that he feels he still has to lie now, after eight months of no confrontations he thinks I will confront him NOW??? That's why I feel sad, it seems like he doesn't feel comfortable with me at all and lying is his main form of communication with me. So very sad.

[PositivelyMommy]

H shows up today around 11 am to spend time with the kids. Usually we all go out to lunch but today he didnt mention anything so we just ate a quick lunch at home. Then he proceeds to sleep in the spare bedroom. He wakes up a couple of hours later and says he has stomach flu or food poisoning. I gave him some immodium and told him that he should rest and I can handle the kids. He goes back to sleep. He wakes up in time for a small play with kids and then watch us have dinner as he wasn't hungry then left at 7pm. So he came by today just to take a nap? Strange, it goes in the why bother page. If he was feeling poorly then he should have just stayed at his place or her place or whatever but why show up here? Maybe he thought he could sleep it off or something. Then when I suggested he take some more immodium with him, he made a face like I was telling him what to do or something. Can't live with him, can't live without him. Urghhh!

[PositivelyMommy]

A poem for inspiration:

DON’T QUIT!

When things go wrong as they sometimes will
When the road you’re trudging seems all up hill
When the funds are low and the debts are high
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh
When care is pressing you down a bit
Rest, if you must, but don’t you quit.

Life is queer, with its twists and turns
As everyone of us sometimes learns
And many a failure turns about
When he might have won had he stuck it out
Don’t give up though the pace seems slow
You may succeed with another blow.

Success is failure turned inside out
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt
And you never can tell how close you are
It may be near when it seems so far
So stick to the fight when you’re hardest hit
It’s when things seem worst that you must not quit.

[PositivelyMommy]

This thread is going to close out soon so I will post under PM Thread #5 - Hope this new plan works. See y'all there!