So my story is this. Last September I read some text messages on my wifes cell phone from her friends husband. The one I read that made it all sound like they had been having an affair was my wife texting him back. "I'm not doing this anymore, I really enjoy you and if circumstances where different than Hell Yes! but that wasn't the deal" As I asked what that meant she said that he was flying home because he is always on the road traveling for work and needed a ride from the airport to the ferry so he could get home because his pregnant wife couldn't drive the 3 hours to pick him up. As I found out later they had been texting for 4 months before I happened to look on her cell phone one night because our 2 yr old son had found it while my wife was out with our 4 yr old daughter. I read things that just didn't sound right. He had been living out of the state until he and his wife had moved back in August. She swore on our children that she hadn't seen him since they moved in April. She hasn't spoken or seen him and no longer keeps a tight friendship with his wife anymore due to me feeling hurt when they talk. Since I told her it hurts me she doesn't make an effort to answer her calls or return her calls. I guess I'm really confused of what to think. I'm having a real hard time trusting my wife again since I never had a reason until now to not trust her. I feel that if I can't get passed all distrust that I may ruin my marriage. My wife's really head strong. I can give more info if you need to make a better judgement but I'm at my wits with all this.
Someone will... sometime it takes a little while to get "found" by a person that thinks they have something to offer.
What I'm reading is that you are trying to decide if you "should" be upset over an issue that is over and done with. If it was an issue. Am I reading that right? So, it seems like the question is one for you. Do you trust her? You say you are having trouble trusting her since she never gave you a reason not to except this. That seems backwards. If she never gave you a reason not to, maybe you give her the benefit of the doublt on this one. She seems to be doing everything you ask, at this point.
Yes that's what I'm asking. Should I or should I not trust her. The problem is I also found on her old phone dirty talk. Also he sent her a picture of a penis. Can't tell you if it's his or not but just the fact she said it was harmless until he tried to pursue more. But she has avoided certain text's and lied about them. The next day after I found the original text's she text him twice and denied it. Until I showed her the text messeges on our statement. Plus, the night I found the original text's I accidentally text him a reply she had already had text him. Which was me too? His reply back was when and what time? I asked her what that meant and she said she didn't know. Then I called him and asked him how long he has been sleeping with my wife. He said I was trippin and hung up. If there wasn't anything going on then he would've tried to convince me so. Then later on that night he text's her phone to call him back on the other number which turned out to be his work cell phone. When I asked her what other number she said I don't know. Then I find out she new about this other number 2 months ago. From another cell phone she had lost and then found and put it in a dresser draw. It's the lying about not knowing and playing stupid. She did admit to talking dirty.
Questions you need to ask yourself.... Do you believe that whatever was going on is done? Do you think anything is going on now? Do you really want to know what did or didn't happen, if it is over now? What would the answers to any of those questions change about what you would do?
Does his wife know about this now?? Also why not show the picture to his wife and see if she recognises it? I am not joking! Look at the least she was have a EA (Emotional Affair) thru the texting and calling. She hid this behind your back. And to top it off lied about the extent when confronted. Major red flags!! Did they hook up? Who knows but No Contact from now on and she must be transparent.
How was your marriage during this timeframe? Sexlife etc! Did she pull away...thats a red flag.
How is she handling the situation now? Is she open to you or is she brooding?
She hasn't talked or text with the guy since it all came crashing down. I can see all the calls and texts from att wireless and our home phone. Something tells me she may have slept with him once and realized how wrong she was. She knowing how I feel about cheating knows I would probably leave if she did tell the truth, unless she already has. And I just don't believe her that nothing happened except for talking dirty through text messsaging. Yes our marriage wasn't in a good place but that doesn't make it right. You didn't see me out or texting some other girl. The biggest problem is my ego. I guess I wonder if i'm letting it control my emotions because I don't want to believe this could have happened to me. I'm trying though for the sake of my children. My coach has me thinking of all the good things that she's doing but I just can't get the bad ones out of my thoughts. Am I normal? I don't want to know if something happened. I just want my PEACE OF MIND!!!!!!!!!!!
Ok - I have been in your W shoes. EXACTLY the same. BUT I lied for the next few years about the PA. H always felt he did not have the truth so he persisted in going over and over about the A, he left home everything.
Then I told him the truth and that did end my M
Reasons i lied.
1. I was not sure he would of gotten over the PA - he promised he would and he was wrong. his reasons - it was the lying for so long that ruined the M. He is most probably right .
2. I hated that I did it and I wanted it all to go away. I did not want h feeling horrible about me. i felt horrible about me - although the lying was probably most of that bad feeling.Because once i told the truth , the weight lifted of my shoulders, I owned up to my wrong. So the bad feelings went. H had the truth to do with as he felt like. I also was no longer sharing a secret with OM which was very good for H to know.
There are other reasons
What i am saying to you, is to get the truth or get to a place where you believe your W otherwise your M will be horrible for everyone. There will be so much damage done in the future years if you dont have the truth. It will be very hard for your wife and I understand her reluctance if she is lying.
Big thing is that she stops with OM. You need to be sure that that is happening. she has to be an open book. I hope you do have the truth.
