I got was e-mail from a friend about my wife’s facebook account I didn’t know about. It turns out she has been living a double life. She has been living with a guy for 3 months and dating since around June. I called and asked he about this and she replied, “ well I do have a boyfriend. I was going to tell you a lot of times it just never seemed right. You know I get intimidated by stressful situations. I t all just kind of happened.” Well I replied I was not mad just disappointed. I told her when she found feelings for another a she should has divorced me. She then told me she was not sure what to do the whole time. So I replied the easy way must have been to get a boyfriend to weigh me next to? I then calmed down and told her I will always love her but I will file. She said she was very sorry things turned out this way, so I responded I was sorry she didn’t respect herself or me enough to just divorce me and not live this double life were the bulk of her new friends don’t even know she is married.
I am calling a lawyer tomorrow. I whish it didn’t turn out this way but despite my best efforts, and the much appreciated help of you all on DB it did. Good luck to all of you and I will leave with this advice.
Kill with kindness up to a point but DON’T be afraid to draw a line in the sand when you feel like you are being taking advantage of. I didn’t for fear of rocking the boat. I am now here.
I'm sorry Marcum, I know it hurts (same thing happened to me). They are too cowards to admit what their doing, and 5mths from now she'll still wont know what she is doing because she's only living for the moment. You are a great guy and I wish you the best, you don't need to leave the board just yet, the D road is more bearable with support of others who've btdt. Whatever you decide, take care and know that you have gone beyond the call of duty fighting for your M, one day you'll look back and will know you did your best and wont' be sorry, something she wont' be able to say, what goes around comes around. Take care Marcum
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
I am sorry you had to find out like this. I am now filing(again!) and it is still hard even though I knew all along that it was what he wanted. It is sad more then anything but even though I haven't posted much on this board I have found it very helpful and met some really great people. Take care.
Mate .. dont disapear on us . not good what has happened , but the path is the same , look after yourself , take your time . there is no rush to divorce.
No rush? she has been cheating on me for 23 months! she walkd out on me a year ago! how can trust be regained back from that? how can i respect her after she made these choises? she told me she was hurt so I worked on chasnging. I told her I was hurt and she dosen't even bat a eye. A M is a JOINT affair in both building and RE-BUILDING. she has not givien me a chanch in this and I dont see why dragging my feet will help. IF and ONLY IF she does some kind of work here can out M be rebuilt and as of 12 months NOZTHING has been done. she would need to dump her boyfriend and start a path to rebuildig, or else its just a case of wishfull thinking on my part. and the longer I wait the more bills she keeps attracting makeing it harder and harder on me. I am in a NO WIN sich here folks and I DONT know how to NOT get a D right now. I love my W, but I DONT know what to do anymore. I have tried the kindness and passive way of doing things...and here I am
Me 36 Husband 35 D5 S2 separated: 10/29/07-present Served divorce papers 1/22/09 "When the world gives out beneath your feet, it is time to learn how to fly."
there are some who can wait for months on end for their Ss to "wake up", there are folks on the infidelity forum with Ss who are in active affairs, who wait on the A to end. Then there are tons of others who draw the line and cannot just sit there while their Ss decide the ride isnt' fun anymore.
We each have a limit, you have reached yours and not easily Marcum.
I was willing to wait on my then H to turn around even as he lived with me like a roomate, but once I found out he kept seeing ow I drew a line and asked him to leave until he got his act together and broke it off with her, I refused to live with a man who didnt' have the spine to choose his family and let go of ow. A year later and he still is the train wreck he was when we were together, nothing has changed, and I'm glad I told him to leave then, I gave him many chances to no avail.
I agree with you Marcum, you have DBed your heart off but at this point she is in la-la land and the end of her crazy ride is not in sight, she lied and dragged it out so you could pay her bills, that isnt' right, you deserve much better. You gave it your all and I dont' blame you for seeking a D from her.
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
we had the meating on friday. it was hell. sitting next to her felt so right. we talked a little before the lawyer got us and I can see now she that her view is i was a verbal abuser just after we wer married. she said i always raised my voice and she wont pick up with that. this is not a new quote of hers but i can see now that she truly feels this way. and non of my efforts of kindness or quiet calm action would change her mind. at the end I walked her to her car and told her we have a 120 days to stop this if SHE wants to. I cried and told her I was truly sorry and I whish she would see me as I am , and not as I was. She said she has a lot to think about and have me a hug and left. I was crying like a baby and I loved that hug more then anything else in the world...but i am 99 % sure it meant nothing from her then a consolation. I am fine away but to see here means pain. that is the hard part.
