Right now I have resolved to dropping the final strand of "the rope" -not that I hold anything at all really...
My W is now holidaying with OM while I am looking forward to a fun packed week with my S7 - nothing bad about that...
But - she has made her way into this new life seemingly without a bye or leave - she loves our S7 desperately and so do I - and now my love for him seems to facilitate her...
This is a hard place to be....I don't want to upset the equilibrium - cos our son is in the middle of it - and its his happiness and equilibrium I'm looking out for....
Arrrghhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Right at the moment H is fine....seems fine...it seems that he can deal with the idea of a mummy and a daddy living in different places....(H is a very smart boy!) and W and I are making that work- but largely because of her and me not wanting to hurt H...
"Does that mean you change anything in your behaviour?"
I have not engaged W in any R talk for months We communicate more than amicably about H - organising ourselves to ensure he is cared for, loved I have cut back on contacting W and never without an H reason I am getting out, playing badminton and climbing every week I do what I say I'm going to do
Sounds like you really dropped the rope- good going. I love that you do what you say you're going to- reliability is a very underrated characteristic but so important. I agree with K that the holiday test is a hard one for Rs to pass. All that time together, without distractions can be really stressful. I was terrified the first time H and I went on holiday
Doing what I say I am going to do has become a very important thing to me...its something I was poor at...I always had lots of good intentions and "over committed" myself to the point where I couldn't possibly follow through before- a typical Nice Guy trait, compounded by a terrible trait of procrastination and a tendency to put my work first...all of which I am on a mission to eliminate from my life!
One thing I realised as I got to grips with my situation was that I had to change that - for H's sake... and so I am meticulous in making sure that I always do follow through for him - no matter what...putting him first, regardless...
I've also seen benefits from that in other areas of my life - I've been interested in seeing references to "taking care of business"- aka TCB -on Smiley's thread - that's exactly what I'm doing...
Badminton is a game I've always been keen on - not to blow my own trumpet too much - but I've always had a bit of aptitude for racket sports - and now I love playing myself again regularly and also make sure I spend time passing on my enthusiasm to H...I try to get him onto a tennis court a couple of times a week and to a game of badminton too... H is turning into a pretty useful badminton and tennis player himself now! I might not be a wimbledom champ but I do have some idea about how to develop skills in children...
Tomorrow, H and I are heading to the Brecon Beacons (Wales) for an activity week - climbing, canoeing, raft building, abseiling, archery etc etc ...we are very very excited!!!
We headed down to my Dad's first on Sunday and spent the afternoon / night there...It was wonderful for H to see his Grandpa - he and H get on so well and there tons of love between them - although H just doesn't like his moustachy kisses! It was great to see Dad looking so well in his 83rd year - they had a ball playing tennis and football at the park! Can you believe that! I hope I'm that active and well when I get (fingers crossed!) to my 80s!
Then down to the Brecons...H hit it off straight away with another couple of kids (aided of course by a shed load of toys and sports stuff I had taken with us!) and spent all his free time with them...
We canoed, kayaked, climbed, zip-wired, built a raft and "tested it", dragon boated, fenced, built shelters...never a free moment!!! And it was wonderful!
The highlights? Well,...
Seeing H throw himself into making friends Seeing him conquer the climb up to the zip-wire H and I on the Jacobs Ladder and managing to do it! Yeah!!! And me throwing my normally "self conscious" self out the window and giving my best "air-guitar" rendition on the first night at "The Generation Game" H loving kayaking - I love it - in a life long gone I was a kayak and climbing instructor - it was great to see him getting a buzz out of another thing I love but don't have much of an opportunity to indulge in....
Most of all - it was wonderful to spend unbroken quality time with Harry - he was an absolute star and I was incredibly proud of him...
Returned tonight from a fantastic weekend trip with H to the Big Smoke!
Picked him up from school on Friday and we headed to train station to catch 5.15 train and landed in Big UK city (Thanks SP for that type of ref!!!) and from there we have been to big museums, seen Big City from a great elevated vantage point and a low one on the river, travelled the Big City's underground (err..clue!!!), walked over a famously wobbly bridge (err another clue!!) to a big former power station (put that in for the arty people!!!), where H observed "is this what modern art is? - its a bit weird..." Actually, I couldn't disagree! We played games in the biggest games emporium of Big City, enjoyed one of the most expensive, but gorgeous ice creams known to human-kind from one of the most expensive and exclusive shops known to shoppers!
And all in all, had a fabulous extraordinary time!!!
You're right I am incredibly proud of H - he is such fun and good natured...little fazes him and he's so keen to get stuck into life...
Also I see so much of me in him!
I wouldn't say that the rope is lying coiled on the ground, but my grip of it is getting weaker and weaker.
After feeling guilty for so long about what has happened I'm now starting to get much more perspective on things and my realisation has been that I'm not by a long chalk fully responsible.
I still feel for H though - he didn't sign up for this hand in life and I think that he wishes things were very different...I hate offering him second best. I know that I have to be careful not to over-compensate - I do my utmost not to...I just do my best to be my best.
