I made it to the roundhouse; now which way?

[Babygirl]

hey my ks neighbor. thank you for checking in, I was getting worried and gonna lasso my girls up and come find you one way or another!!

hey just cause you finalize, doesnt mean you need to abandon here, BUT hehehe I will be very excited to get you in the alt! hehehe and there is only one pic of me there, and you wont even be able to tell who i am!!

glad you enjoyed the sun as its NASTY cold and ick here now. I really hope work slows down, you are doing just fine. hope your sons basketball game tomorrow rocks!!

hugs!!
T

[kelaaron]

Yes get on the alt. I am dying to put a face to this friend. I have to say, some of them have been surprises and not at all what I expected. Like I told you, I am hidden but you can find me through the others. I'll look for you.

[Tawnya]

{{{LE}}}} I'm glad you checked in..I miss seeing your face around the boards..

PLEASE do find us on the alt..and I'm glad you are out enjoying the sunshine

Hope your weekend is good!

Tawnya

[TxMomw/2girls]

LE - just stopping by... thanks for always checking in on me too... I've as well been off more than on as I'm trying to except where my marriage is going too... but the future is unknown for all of us..

Please find me on FB.. I think you are on JMC -John's?? under T Techguy?? if so I'll ask to be your friend... I have Amy, SadMiltary Wife, SuperStar and JMC

let me know ..... thinking of you...

xoxo

[Amy M]

((((LE))))!

I just wanted to let you know that I'm thinking about you. In case you don't check in here anymore, I'll have to get your email address from someone...I think mC and BG both have it. I'm not posting much anymore either. But, there are a few here I feel a need to check in on, and every once in a while Sandi pulls me into someone's sitch.

I'm doing well, and I hope you are too! I have to say, I've learned so much, and I'm much better off than I was just a couple of months ago. I hope you are finding yourself in a good spot as well. Any land purchases made or planned?

Love to you!
Amy

[Arthur]

Hi LE

Seems a common theme here that once we move forward we don't come back to much. I'm not sure about (or the others doing the same) but the help from others that had been through this or were further down the road than me when I came was invaluable to me. Therefore, I try and stop by still dailly and see if some of those I have been with have updated and need some support (or 2x4s in GM's case). Sort of payback time for me. I remember the pain all to well and if I can help one person ease some of that it will be worth me stopping by.

Not sure if were friends elsewhere but I'm easy to find. On a few others and guess what ??? I'm Arthur !!! lol

GL buddy

[Tawnya]

{{{LE}}}} Hugs to you my friend and hope you are doing well..you deserve such blessings and happiness..I hope you are getting all that and MORE!

Tawnya

[Little Engine]

I am still around and checking every couple of days or so. Not that I don't miss everyone, I have just thrown myself into my work as the next level of "therapy." I still think about everyone here and pray for so many that I think God must be getting worn slick by the long list of those on my mind.

Today I am in a really foul mood and bewildered. D has not been very talkative or refuses to talk to me during our nightly phone calls. So last night she said that she didn't want to tell me what had happened at school because when I take her on the weekends, I remind her that she had already told me about these events during the week. The hand-offs between her mother and me have not been good, because I don't have much to say to XW other than details about the children. XW wants to tell me about her life and ask about mine and I couldn't care less to hear about hers or reveal details of mine. I am usually glum for the first bit of my time with the kids, since I have to talk myself of the figurative ledge of dealing with their mother. This bothers D and I think she sees it as a reflection on her. She has asked me on several occasions "Daddy, why aren't you happy? You seem sad that we are with you." I have explained to her that I am not happy because of their mother and I just need a few minutes to readjust and then I will be OK, but I am very happy that she and her brother are with me. Obviously, she isn't convinced.

We have had a good routine, but tiring the last few weeks since basketball has started. I have been taking them every weekend after basketball is finished on Saturday and then meeting their mother to send them home late Sunday afternoon. So we spend roughly 24 hours together every weekend instead of 48 every other week. I get to see them both play basketball and they have Friday night at home.

So this week their mother has to come to town and agrees to meet us at my work. I was glad for that since I had a party to attend to watch the game. I transfer their suitcase back to the car--I am working on getting them a wardrobe together so they don't have to bring anything but what little stuff they need to keep them entertained on the drive. I have a CS check for XW of course I cannot find it. So I go back into the office and dig around and then back to my truck where it was under the visor. As I hit the door coming back out XW gets out of car and tells me "not to worry about it, that I can drop it in the mail." As she is telling me this I open the door and flip the visor down and there is the check. I said "No need, here it is." I can tell that W is bothered by the cold shoulder I give her at games and during the transition times. I know she is wanting to say more, but I don't want to hear it. Thankfully, D has slipped out of the car and runs around to my truck and "saves" me from this exchange. I pick her up and carry her back to her seat and buckle her in. Of course, her tears start and then mine start and I can't say anything to make it better for her. I give D and kiss and say "goodbye" to S. Then off to my truck and the party.

I exchange a few texts with S during the game. Afterwards he calls me and we chat for a few minutes and then he is off to bed and I am off to work. Ten minutes later I get a text from XW that says "I hope someday you can forgive me." My mind has been rattled since.

Any thoughts?

[Amy M]

((((((LE))))))...so, I'm having this incredibly crappy day, and I log on to see that I got a visit on my thread from you!!!!! I have to say, that brightened my mood more than you know. I've missed you!

I hate that the exchange is still so difficult and that it's still so hard to see the XW. I was hoping that would get easier. I do know that you have to forgive her...not for her...but for you. And, I also know now that forgiveness is not something you do once, but something you must do over and over and over again. It has to be a habit. Each time you get mad, you have to go through the process again. I forgive H at least once a day...today...at least 3 times. It's not easy any time, but, it's necessary. And, the only way I know to do it is to give all the anger and frustration to God. He will take it from you every single time you offer it up. He's not told me "No, keep it." yet!

I also know that your XW wants things to be friendly so she can tell herself..."See, that wasn't so bad. We'll be friends for the sake of the kids." That's what I believe my H thinks. He's always said we should be "friends." But, I also believe that she would understand if you could just tell her that you can't be friends now. And, that forgiving her and being her friend are no where near the same thing. I think she should respect your feelings and not try to "share" so much of her life with you. I think you should ask her not to do that. Just let her know that the exchanges would be so much nicer if she didn't try to make conversation with you right now. That maybe one day you'll be able to do that, but that you certainly aren't there yet. Can you email her that?

I hope that everything else in your life is going well. I'm sure my employer would love for me to "throw myself into my work" as my next stage of therapy. But, I don't know that it will happen...not this week anyway.

I'm so glad to hear from you. Thanks for your kind words. They really did come at a great time!

Keep your chin up and keep being the great dad you are! It's bound to get better, right?

Hugs and love to you!!!

Amy

[Tawnya]

{{{{LE}}}} I agree with Amy that it sounds like XW is trying to make herself feel better somehow about the "please forgive me" thing..I'd love to think that she feels badly, and maybe she does, but I dunno that we can think that about our spouses after all of this so easily can we??

I really HATE HATE HATE that you are still having such a tough time with the exchanges and I KNOW how much you miss having your kids..and I hate it for you..YOU are so great and wonderful and kind and compassionate and caring and DESERVE all the happiness and joy and peace possible..I am still believing you will have that my friend..so don't give up on that yourself!

Tawnya