Being content for now.

[Maya44]

Thanks for checking in Kissak. You seem to have a good head on your shoulders about alot of this.

[cagzmom]

hey kissak- havent seen you in awhile! or should i say "read".

my only advice about the "coming home" comes from my c from when my xh wanted to come home......and taht is what you have already said... Counseling YES...and BEFORE he comes home you need to see consistancy from him for a period of time suggested by teh counselor. (the counselor can see things way more objective then either of you.)

good luck!!!

[cagzmom]

hey kissak- havent seen you in awhile! or should i say "read".

my only advice about the "coming home" comes from my c from when my xh wanted to come home......and taht is what you have already said... Counseling YES...and BEFORE he comes home you need to see consistancy from him for a period of time suggested by teh counselor. (the counselor can see things way more objective then either of you.)

good luck!!!

[Bworl]

As usual, when we finally get healthy again and stop hanging on every day bringing hope for reconciliation, look who shows up again.


You've been down this road many times Kissak. The thing I remember about your threads in the past was the many times your husband would return home, only to leave again. You finally broke that pattern, and I think it was very good for you.


So here's my advice.


I'm assuming you still love your husband and would like to see the marriage restored. If not, just ignore my ramblings.


You tell the man that you love him and would be happy to think that the two of you could rebuild a good marriage.


But you tell him that you only want him back if he has made the decision that he wants back for good. That he is committed, not for a couple weeks or months, but for good.


And you tell him that if he really wants this, that he knows full well what kinds of things he needs to do to make it happen. Reaffirm that your love for him is still inside of you and that you can see a future for the two of you.


Then reaffirm to HIM that it's going to take an effort on his part to convince you that this is not just another pop in.


Blessings,

Bill

[kissak]

Thanks everyone!

Bill, I have to say thank you for good advice. I actually had already told him these things when we talked about it some. I told him that I was afraid of him leaving after only a few weeks back and that I would only let him come home if he knew he could committ to things this time.

I also am looking for changes. It has been nearly a month I think since he first asked, maybe only 3 weeks, but I find it interesting on the weekends he has the kids, he misses me more. I honestly think he is just afraid of me going out and finding someone else on the weekend I dont have the kids....Im expecting him to miss me more tomorrow. Weird.

But I havent given him an answer either way. He did tell me his counselor said she didnt think he was ready to come back. That it werent for the right reasons. He says he thinks she is wrong. That its different this time....I am leaning more towards what the therapist is saying. He did have a session with her last week that he said "scared him". I asked what scared him and he said "comments, thoughts, etc." I didnt ask anything else though.

We did go out this last saturday night. Just dinner and movie. He was humurous about it somewhat...said he guessed we had a "date" that night.

It felt odd to me. Different. I know my feelings have changed somewhat towards him, and I think thats it. He really has alot of work to do if he wants me back.

Maybe I detached a little too much? I dont know. He does call me or at least texts me everyday. He worries if something seems wrong with me or if I dont say alot. Cant figure it out really.

I honestly have been so interested in reading a series of books lately that I havent talk to him too much! I went and watched the movie that started it all....Im hooked.

Oh well. Its been an off week for me...kids out of school a few days and it snowed a few inches, which shuts everything down around here for days...school included. And I havent worked much either.

Hope everyone is doing good!!

[kissak]

Cagzmom....My H and I did talk about if he was to come back, how we should go about doing it...I did suggest that maybe counseling should be our first step.

Thanks!

[kissak]

ok...my H went to his therapist yesterday. He came back with all kinds of thoughts and questions for me. His therapist game him a few things to ask me for my H's benefit...just so he would know.

He wants to know good points and bad points I see in him.

He wants me to tell him how I have handle things since he has been gone.

He wants to know how I have changed.

His therapist has told him that he is a very unique person in how he handles things.

(I think that is a nice way of saying he is weird even though that has been established! lol)

The Therapist asked my H what kind of relationship do we have now. My H told her that we have a good friendship. We are comfortable around each other, we joke and play around. SHe classified us as having a really good friendship now. The question is what about the emotional part. The things in my opinion that come from being around each other more.

Im wondering if this is what was missing from our marriage, The friendship. I do know that me and my H talk alot more and communicate way more than we ever did when we were married.

But I also find myself confused on some things. I wonder about the emotional part. I dont know if I just need to fall back inlove with him or maybe I never was? I dont know. I just have mixed emotions about him coming back. Will I be able to love him the way I use too? Im scared of that.

Anyway, I am going to try to just leave that in the Lord's hands.

I am going to work on that list of good and bad points though.

Where O where do I begin????

[Maya44]

Have you visited rejoice ministries at all? The daily messages they email you are great and answer alot of questions. They also have an FAQ on their site that has TONS of questions/answers that have helped alot too. The site and advice they give is very peaceful. It's definately a site I recommend to connect more to the Lord during this time in our marriages.

[kissak]

Thanks FG...I do get their emails everyday from there. I just havent been reading them much lately...guess I probably should go back to doing that.

[kissak]

hello everyone.

having a good day today.

H actually gave me a compliment this morning...I told him I was frustrated and he asked what for and I told him that I needed to lose 10 pounds. He asked what for? I said that my clothes were snug...he told me that he thought I looked pretty good just the way I am.

awww....how sweet, but no brownie points.....mmmm brownies.

I still need to lose the 10 pounds.