pictures help,get him to admit it to you,in an e-mail so he cant deny it. hear say she say is not much in court you need concrete proof. Talk to him on the phone and reord the conversation sometime where he admits it. I dont know if he openly admits it to you,my wife did after awhile and was like so get over it,so i had all the proof I needed incase it got that far. He will wake up one day and realize what he is doing you can not throw all those years away like that.
Garry, you are right -- I let my emotions get the best of me and that is my downfall.
Goal for today: try to be consistent for one week if that is "going dark" or dbing. Try not to let my emotions impact me. I am reactive that when something happens my emotions take over and I have regrets later. I need to recognize the "trigger" that sets me off and how to channel it another way. Any thoughts?
Me 53 H 50 D16, D29 M 22 years bomb 7/08 INH - alien pod replaces H 8/08 - OW (direct report), I work there also bomb II - H moves 10/1 expose ow 10/22 D to be final 9-09
Same with me,problem I think is we try to analyze anything they do to the detail and it eas us up and then we let our emotions take over next thing we know we say or do something stupid. Only thin works for me is if I dont snoop on what she does or stay occupied with kids and it works its hard but Puppy is helping me out here and I am doing it right now. Can you give me some advice on my latest if you got a little time
well went to atty today with some questions. I really felt more confident after I left. I think I will be in better shape than I initially thought I was. Atty. suggested I get PI for fault D. I told her that I was still interested in reconciling with H and did not want to file unless he filed first. What my H thought he was going to be entitled to (by coaching from OW), is probably not going to happen. Atty also said that the reason he was probably jacking up his credit cards was because he thought I would have to pay half. Since most of the charges are for hotel rooms, gifts for Ow etc. all we have to do is show those bills and about 80% of that will be deducted.
I still can't believe this is happening and that I have gone for legal advice. Still shaking my head.
Me 53 H 50 D16, D29 M 22 years bomb 7/08 INH - alien pod replaces H 8/08 - OW (direct report), I work there also bomb II - H moves 10/1 expose ow 10/22 D to be final 9-09
Before all of this started happening, I had a very sane, ethical H that went by all of the rules. We used to call him "perfect ____" Never would have thought he would have an A.
When he came home drunk that night(had drinking prob previously and gave up alcohol for 15 years) and said "I'm not happy", everything went downhill. He was like a robot. Very formal, watched what he was saying, no emotion. Well it was because he was lying and cheating and trying to cover up. Head in a fog -- babble babble babble. It is like I do not even know him anymore since this all started. Do you remember the film "the Body Snatchers" when they started replacing humans through pods and when they turned into aliens they had no emotions -- well that is my H these days.
Me 53 H 50 D16, D29 M 22 years bomb 7/08 INH - alien pod replaces H 8/08 - OW (direct report), I work there also bomb II - H moves 10/1 expose ow 10/22 D to be final 9-09
One of the main issues that sent my H into a MLC spiral was that during the summer he found out that he was not going to get a Sr Mgmt position that was promised to him. One of the bigwigs took a dislike to him and burned him on one project he was working on and after that he started to go downhill. This was a man that was so totally a workaholic that H had a hard time accepting this bump in the road.
I saw H at a program review today and he told me that they were interviewing for the position he was not getting. I said in a true DB fashion that "no one worked harder than you trying to build your organization up. You have tremondous respect around here and it will be recognized in the long run." H looked surprised since I have not been a mess lately and we had a couple of emotional negative conversations. H said thanks I appreciate it. I will also have to see him this afternoon. Need to keep consistent, need to keep myself focused with all the negativity of OW working here.
On another note, when new boss is hired then OW will be thrilled because then they could come out of "hiding" since she works directly for him. Should I tell her that they can still be fired after the fact?? lol
Me 53 H 50 D16, D29 M 22 years bomb 7/08 INH - alien pod replaces H 8/08 - OW (direct report), I work there also bomb II - H moves 10/1 expose ow 10/22 D to be final 9-09
Hope - hey girl, I wanted to tell you how happy I am to hear about all the good stuff the walking chasing OW into street, yoga and weights has done on your body. You said something in T2L's thread this morning to my post that has helped me through this day. It made me remember what we need to remember EVERYDAY with these people they are in a fog. And to help not fall into that fog with him you need to focus on you and I really have found praying helps, because then you start focusing on things your not controlling. You see things happening that your not doing and you don't know when the next one will happen. It's a great distraction. And I saw you post something that looked like it came from the Rejoice Marriage site - so I know your reading that, and then you know you could get a divorce and move away and he could still come back, so don't give up if you have love pennies in the bank. It's tough and we never know if we are doing the right thing and sooooo many times we want to say one thing and can't help it even when we know it will withdraw love from the bank.
Hugs hun.
Jen Me 32 H 35 Married 8yrs 3/11/2000 - Together 10 yrs No Children
1st Bomb - 7/1999 2nd Bomb - 8/2004 3rd A - 10/2006 4th A & Bomb - 10/12/08
Done sweeping things under the rug, I need to start doing something...But what?
Hiya All, glad you felt good with what I wrote. If anything this has brought me to a new R with God which I never had before.
At the beginning before I knew about the OW I thought I could fix this quick. We would talk, I would guilt him, cry and bingo everything would be the same. Now I realize that "more of same" is not what I want anymore. If H every comes back I do not want that same crappy M -- and it was. It has given me an awakening and I know that it could never go back to the same situation.
We stopped going out, talking, being intimate, everything. H was a workaholic (now he is just an alcoholic since he started with OW) and we were both stressed with our jobs. How sad that it got like that. But I am looking at my M with "new eyes". While H is doing "more of the same" with OW, I am working out, losing weight, reflecting on the changes I need to make within myself, praying. Am I 100% successful -- absolutely not.
What I have to make a commitment to being consistent, positive, DBing and confident. Those are all the traits that I want my H to see.
When I start losing my temper, crying or nagging I see in H's eyes that he wants to run and that is what I have to change. Need to focus. I pray everyday for this.
Me 53 H 50 D16, D29 M 22 years bomb 7/08 INH - alien pod replaces H 8/08 - OW (direct report), I work there also bomb II - H moves 10/1 expose ow 10/22 D to be final 9-09
Hope,,, try to find me on FB... I gave clues to Superstar thread... so we can have lawyer chat off line..
Anyhow, glad you've seen a L... I felt good when I did too... My L said getting a PI won't do much.. I'm not sure what us claiming adultery will get us anyhow... I am going to have pictures off OW facebook page copied of her and of both of them proving out of town trips and her character...
you are doing wonderful and have come a long way.... all the things you've listed - I'm sure you are feeling great about yourself too... we both have come so far so lets remember where we started when we thought we couldn't breathe and I couldn't see how I could laugh again or enjoy anything... and I'm there.. I really find it easy to talk with H now b/c I'm repulsed at his behavior and I really feel I deserve better than this .... so that helps me move on and start excepting the D and if things change with H I'll see where I'm at....
good goal setting ... one week of 100% DBing... no emotion or negative thinking with H... I'll do the same
Me: 38/H:40 M:7yrs TG: 10yrs 2Girls: 4yr & 7 month old Bomb 8/22/08 OW/EA/PA 8/23/08 with 25yr old Moved out 9/22/08
chasing OW into street, yoga and weights has done on your body.