So, last thread locked, not sure what number I'm up to now. The new thread title is to do with my love of poker, but also as after seeing a second solicitor yesterday, it does seem my STBX is holding all the cards. They are Aces as they are my boys and they are Ace !!!
So, solicitor was good, scary at first but he explained and even apologised a bit later as he was trying to feel me out to check I got the basic concept if we go to court, that the judge is all for the kids first and foremost, then others things follow a far behind 2nd. I was aware of this, but maybe not to the point where our home etc comes in. It wasn't all bad as he explained things so I could understand better (previous didn't really explain) and also offered me some suggestions, explained how he would likely fight different situations if it went to court.
So, for now, I am trying to get a place to move into in January as once I have my living costs, I'll have a better argument for what I can and cannot afford. Need to go through both our expenses again but come up with a new draft agreement for mediation. Oh, on the positive, he did say her initial deposit would likely be irrelivent as we've been together 12 years, but also that she is unlikely to get 75% as she wants. So once, mediation doc drawn up, we go back there, then let the solicitors fight it out when she doesn't agree I guess.
He did say however, that my access, unless we can agree it, would more likely be what my W is suggesting. I got annoyed at that, but he is just managing my expectations I guess. I miss my boys so much it hurts big time. I got frustrated a couple of times as I just couldn't believe how the law works so that it is so one sided, just because she is the mother and has looked after them full time while I was at work earning so we could all live, she is seen as primary caregiver etc. I understand that, but it's how it was, the future does not have to be like that but the legal system does not seem to recognise that. It's rubbish and really gets my goat.
I am first Arthur!! Long time since we "spoke" but I do read...
I am sorry you miss your boys. I am sorry, D sucks... Having a good solicitor you feel comfortable with and knows his job, is very important, I think. Stay strong, Kalni
Arthur...the best way IMO is to try and work out the most fair solution possible. Now, fair may not be exactly 50/50. You have to decide what your bottom line is stick with that bottom line. If the adultery means nothing in the UK and is not grounds then you may not have much of an angle to work. I do not know what the law is there but can tell you that in times past the law has been skewed towards mothers/women in the US. That is changing now and in some parts of the US 50/50 is condsidered the norm..
hopefully she will become somewhat reasonable over the next few weeks..your actions and interactions with her may have some impact on that..
Mike - Adultery means nothing since about 1973 apparently. They changed the law as couples would spend fortunes arguing on who was to blame and although adultery is completely wrong, the adulterer will obviously argue they were driven to it etc. Still don't get how that justifies it though, still skewed.
I accept I won't get 50/50, but I'm staying there for now so it looks like I'm bargaining when it comes to it. Will try and draw up my new mediation stuff in next 2 days and send to new sols to look over.
Definately got to get back to not ever losing it with her again. Couple of lapses and think justified but I gain nothing from them.
Feeling a bit poorly today. Not sleeping well and so much going on in my life/head at the moment think it's all getting on top of me. Need to sort out 1 thing at a time and looks like car sorted and insured by Thursday, possible property (though to expensive on my own so relying on a mate wanting to move in with me) and possible new job. Would love to have own place and new job to add to the car for January. Make 2009 the year for me
Had a funny chat with Step Dad last night. He was saying how one of his customers is a solicitor so mentioned me to him and this lady was saying how if I want the best I can get and I can except that this solicitor doesn't tread lightly then they have the man for me. So, given how scary the news sols was to me to start with, I said it's not Mr X is it and sure enough, it was the guy I saw Monday. So it seems I have the right man for job now, been recommended by 2 other solicitors and a friend.
