It has been an interesting weekend. We had our final mediation appt on Friday and no bombs were dropped. We changed some things but nothing major. Biggest problem is medical insurance. I agreed to keep my wife on my insurance, but found out my employer will not allow it. So, we have to figure out how to move forward. It was very friendly and amicable, we even joked around a bit, helped to loosen the tension. We even went to lunch together afterward! I have confirmation that I will get the house I wanted, so that is good. The weekend was a bit rough. It was my weekend with the kids, but she was around the whole time, dropping hints about cleaning (which I was doing) and then critizising how I was cleaning, etc. Last night I was making the kids beds and the radio was playing butterfly kisses. Man, that really got to me and for the first time in about 6 months, I cried over what I was losing. I will not be able to kiss and hug my kids to bed at bedtime. Wife caught me crying, asked if I was ok and said I was, just got upset over the song. She gave me a hug and that was the end of it. We also talked a lot about telling her family. She already talks to them all, but I am close with many of them and would like to be able to talk to them about it as well. She said that it would be best to email her sisters, which I did. It is all very weird, but it would be so much worse if we were not getting along.
Not sure what else to say other than that. Have some time off coming up, really need to work on some GALing. One month and counting until I start to move my stuff out. It will be soon after that, that we will tell the kids what is going on.
Things feel a little different this week for some reason. I have the weekend off, but not really looking forward to it. Past weekends I was jazzed about having free time, but no so much now. Maybe the reality is starting to set in? I dont know. Trying to hang in there.
Strength and honor
Married 6 years D4 D4 S2 seperated: 7/15/08 Dbomb: 9/21/08 status: seperated in same home, meeting with mediator moving toward D current thread
MM - Hang in the bruv. We all have things that spark us off and we will all have lapses, some of us more than others. At different times the reality sets in, have a cry, just not in front of kids and W if that can be helped.
This is the toughest thing you will ever do in your life, but you have no choice. Things will be fine, though your situation I find interesting in that you both get along. Your W hugging you and worried when she sees you crying, her still criticising what you do etc. Sounds like reality is hitting home for her also to me, not sure what that means and don't take to much from it, just how it looks from the outside.
Make yourself some plans for the weekend and have some fun for you. Come home with the biggest smile on your face like you've just had the greatest day out ever etc and tell the kids all about it. Go have some super me time.
Thanks arthur, you are totally right. I am better now, was just a weak moment, sure there will be many more. I just need to remember that it is not me breaking up this family. Speaking of which, we had a bit of an argument this morning. She is complaining about not having enough money after I move out. thing is, I am already giving her more than she would probably get if we went through the courts. When you add it all up, she is actually making more than me now, and still thinks its not enough! She has never managed money or bills and is not very good at it. she tried to put a budget together and i had to laugh when I saw some things like $150 per month for hair appointments. Doesnt she realize that our lives are going to drastically change? that in order to survive, we will have to give up almost all non-necessities? It will really piss me off if she tries to come after me for more money when she continues to piss it away like this, no sympathy from me. Also, I am about to sign a year lease to rent a house and now she is talking about having to sell the house. Geez, what a nutcase. I have right of first refusal on the house, but I am just thinking about letting it go, paying off debt with the equity and getting a fresh start. I dont know, this is all so messed up and she is making things worse by starting to freak out. This is her choice, didnt she think about all of these things? I tried to point them out to her months ago and all she had to say was "things will work out for me, I just know it". Well, wishes wont put food on the table or pay the mortgage and I think she is starting to see that. If she comes after me with a lawyer, I am going right back at her 200% and planning to leave her with little to nothing when I am done. She had better stick by this agreement and not give up, like she has done with so many other things in life.
Emotion of the day: Anger!
sorry, just needed to vent.
Married 6 years D4 D4 S2 seperated: 7/15/08 Dbomb: 9/21/08 status: seperated in same home, meeting with mediator moving toward D current thread
Journal, had a great weekend. Stayed at the firehouse Friday night and spent pretty much the whole weekend there. Not very busy, but got a lot of reading and schoolwork done. Sat night was out with friends and had a great time having drinks, flirting, etc. Spent the night at a friends house. W had the kids and had a good time with them. Kids were asking for me a lot and STBXW explained to them that sometimes mommy does things with them without daddy there and daddy does things with them without mommy there, but we both love them very much even when we are not there. I reinforced this last night when I came home. They seem to understand and will set us up nicely for the move out talk that we will be having after christmas. Last night, played poker with the guys at the firehouse and won $25! pretty much paid for my weekend, I am very low maintenance. Got the formal mediation agreement in the mail, now looking for an independent lawyer to review it. Signed the lease on the house on Sat. I start moving in week of xmas but dont start staying there until jan1. they are leaving a lot of furniture there for me to use, so it looks like i will have almost everything i need to set up a new household. yay! will need the money anyway. Working all week with no plans at night. might go out thursday night late after W gets back from party. off friday, will spend it packing then heading to my parents beachhouse with the kids for the weekend. looking forward to getting away from it all.
All for now!
Married 6 years D4 D4 S2 seperated: 7/15/08 Dbomb: 9/21/08 status: seperated in same home, meeting with mediator moving toward D current thread
