Hi, Sandi! I just finished reading through your original thread and ctaching up with you here. I am trully inspired and awed by how far you've come. It takes amaxing strength to make the journey you've made, and you are such a pillar for the rest of us.
You mentioned in an ealier post that you felt that you may have lost your spiritual gift after the EA - well let me just say that I don't think that's the case at all. It may have changed, or a new gift may have emerged, but one has to only glance at your threads to see what an impact you've had on so many lives here. I believe encouragement is a spiritual gift, and can totally see that in you. To be honest, when you came and posted on my thread, my heart actually felt lighter.
You are such a help to all of us, and I know that I am so thankful that you came by to talk to me. *hugs*
I'm so glad that your Christmas went well, and I'm rooting for you as far as the diet goes. I know you'll do a great job, and as annoying as it will be in the beginning, you'll feel so much better in the long run. I need to start doing the same myself. I'm pretty young and yet I'm overweight and probably lazier than most people three times my age. If I wasn't a chain smoker, I'd hate to think how much more I'd weigh....
I hope you and your H start feeling better and that you see nothing but improvements in your health. I will remember you both in my prayers.
Thanks so much for your support again, and God bless, ~Nas
Thanks Kristi, I will sure check into that. I did not realize you had chronic fatigue also. You may have said and I forgot. I have that as bad as the Fibromyaglia. It's awful.
Again, thanks a lot and I will look into this.
Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Oh wow! To all of the rest of you that have posted in the past couple of days......thank you so much. To you that read my original thread, you know it was embarrassing for me to post that, but as I said before, it was the way it was....then. Your words from each of you.....Jon, Twanya, Amy, Nasmat, Kristi, and anyone's name I left out,.....(all of you)....I just don't know how to express what a blessing you have been to my life. Namat, thank you for saying what you did about the spiritual gift. The past two years have been so hard on me b/c I did feel that God had taken the gifts that He had previously given me and I thought maybe that was His way of punishing me for my sins. It was as if I was not worthy to do anything in the Church anymore and my heart was breaking into. My breath caught in my throat when you said something about me being an "encourager" b/c that was the last thing I ever saw in myself. I always spoke too plain and sometimes too harsh.....just ask those I have used a 2x4 on...lol. But each of you have said something to my heart. It is getting way, way late and I need to go to bed. Have been up late each night, but guess what? Had a great day Christmas and tonight I was able to go out and eat with my H's family. That was the first time in years that I felt like doing it. God has been good to me this week! He is good to send each of you to me and give me these words to help me feel that maybe there is a purpose in my life. When I had to step down from that last job at church.......I cannot tell you what that did to me. But, I was not physically able to do it. One of the other jobs that I resigned was a teaching position that I felt I was not worthy to be doing after my EA. Maybe someday God will restore that to me again, but I felt that I had lost a very special gift that He gave me many years ago. I had rather teach than anything.....but the EA experience ruined all of that for me. That is what really breaks my heart.
I do not share this with you all to get your pity.....I hope you know me better than that. I am just now, two years after the EA, revealing a little more about my spiritual life (I guess you'd say). I was too ashamed for a long, long time when I came on board. I know God has forgiven me based on I John 1:9 which is a promise that one must accept by faith. But there are consequences also and I think I have experienced that. I cannot and will not give up hope that He will restore what has been lost.
In the meantime......if this is where He intends for me to be....I'll be here until the moderators run me off or else God tells me it is time to move on to something else. It is b/c of people like you that have kept me going.....I want you to know that. And I mean that to all of the special people that have posted to me over time.....not just the past few days. As someone told me yesterday, I love you as much as a person could love another, sight unseen, over the net. Wow! Talk about your heart filling up......mine did....and that is how I feel toward all of you. My special family.
I could go on forever thanking you for your sweet words of encouragement. I know God realizes that I have been fighting depression and mostly over my health problems and the results of all that......so He must have sent you all to me, and for that I am very grateful.
Take care all of my "sweeties" b/c you have my love and my prayers.
Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
I am glad to hear you had a good Christmas! My W seemed to enjoy our visit to my bothers house where my parents had come to join us all in diner. My son hooked up the Wii that my bother had given his son as a gift. It still has been a tough time for me.
Thanks for the link to your first post. I had many emotions as I read it and the next few pages of posts!
I wish my W could be open to hearing it. The reply from the person who works for attorney really touched me this morning. I don't want to be responsible for "devastating" my future grandchildren. I have more resolve that ever to do what I can to fix me and hope that my R can be saved.
Hi Jay, you must have been talking about AmyC. Yes, I remember that post very well. Everyone that posted to me back then was so helpful, but AmyC and imLin, were my two angents from God that helped me tremdously. Amy had been through what I had, plus more and imLin had been the LBW of a WAH in MLC so I was getting help from both sides. They helped save my life, I truly believe. As I stayed on board, others joined in a over time, my support group of friends was really great. I just think of everyone as family now. That is why I want you to say here, Jay, regardless of how things go in the M, okay? You still need the support of people here. AmyC is still standing for her M after all these years. I could not have done it.....I would have closed the door long ago, and she came close, but her heart belongs to him and she can't give up hope. I admire her spunk, I'll tell you that much! imLin waited three years for her H to come out of MLC! I'm sure you probably read what she posted. Those two women have probably helped more folks than anyone I know since I've been here. They don't post as much I don't think as they use to, but they are still around.
There have been sooooo many people in the boat you are in, sweetie, and understand the pain you are going through. Even though I am from the opposite side of the fense, I know you are hurting so badly and so angry, frustrated and all types of emotions going around inside of you. That is why I hope you won't leave us. There are many people who are still here whose M did not make it, but they support others. Just like Puppy, when he was going to leave b/c his wife and he decided to D, so many people begged him not to leave b/c he still knew what worked and what didn't when it come to DBing. It's just that after all they had been through and even after she went back to him, the attraction was gone and he could not force her to be attracted to him. Anyway, he sure knew how to bust up an affair, I'll hand him that much! He believes in tough love and he doesn't have to use near as many words as i do to get the message across.....LOL.
There will always be a place here for you and we want you to be a part of our family, so please continue to hang around.....until you feel that you need to leave and move on.
I'm glad that reading my original posts helped you in some way to maybe understand the crazy mixed up mind of a WAW. I don't know if it was a real MLC, but it was a crisis.....for sure. I also wished that others would come here for help. There are a few over in the "I'm Thinking About Leaving" forum that test the waters. Unfortunately, not many respond to that forum and I don't know why. Also, a few bitter LBS have been rather ugly to WAS that would venture to come on and after a rather scorching post from a LBS, they would leave and not return. Very sad! I think women leave quicker than the men. But, I grant you that they are reaching out for help....just like I was when I came. I might not have wanted to hear what I was being given, but had enough sense to know that is what I needed. But, a person has to want to be helped to come here and to have the guts to stay.
You've been a good friend to me and I am just selfish enough to want to keep you around. You would be surpirsed how many lives you can touch, Jay, even while you are going through your own brand of pain. I hope you can find peace soon. I know you are so concerned for that precious little girl. She is in my heart and prayers.....all of you are.
Talk to you later.
Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Just wanted to give a short update based on my early New Year's Resolution.....LOL.
Well, first of all, I was able to make Christmas Day over to my in-laws for the first time in two years and the last time, three years ago, I had to leave immediately after lunch. But, I had a great time visiting with everyone. Unfortuantely, my H was the one that was not feeling well this year and had to cut the visit short.
Then, last night we went out to eat with his family and they usually do that about once a year when the out of town relatives come in......I have not been in years. But, I got to go last night!! I was so happy that I could do that, and I think b/c I had said that I was going to try a lot harder, made me put my best...er...better foot forward and do that. Then this morning I went to church for the first time in weeks! So, I am beginning to think that the stress at work must have a lot to do with my physical problems! Since I have done better being off work for the holidays. If only I could stop working......ohhhhhh how nice it would be.
I have been in what they refer to as a Fibromyalgia "flare" for so long until I was afraid that was as good as it was going to ever get again. So, having these past four days of being able to not hurt so much and having the energy to be able to join my H in visiting his family, has meant the world to me. I dread going back to work, so please pray that I can let the stress factors roll down my back and not build up in my body to hurt me physically. It is not so much the "work" that I do b/c I like my job, but it is the environment that causes the stress for me. But, we never know when God may just change that completely around any time. I have been in it for 11 years now. Strangly enough, I was diagnosed about 10 years ago. So, I still believe stress has something to do with it. My doctor thinks it is inherited, but I don't know. My parents didn't have it, I do know that, but maybe it started with me....!
As far as the "diet"......you all know how it is right after Christmas with all the stuff sitting around and people still wanting to go out to eat...like last night! I have not kept anything sitting around my house and when we went out to eat, I am careful as to what and how much I eat. I think I have lost a couple of pounds. But, of course, my scales and the doctor's are never together...lol. Anyway, as soon as we get through all these holidays and get back in "routine", I am go to the store to get some "diet" food (ugh) and get down to serious business. The weather has been so bad that I have not been able to do any walking, and that is about as active as I can get, but I plan to start doing some stretching and work up to some mild things. Can't do a lot, but I need to do what I can. I know I was doing it when I was trying to look good for OM, so I can do it now!! The motivation is what I need, so appreciate you all keeping tabs on me. Kind of makes me give an account of myself...and I need to do that.
Have not done much physical work around the house while I've been off for Christmas b/c I did not want to push my luck and over do with the aggrivated physical stress to my body. I've mainly been right here with all of you....LOL. But, I have learned that a lot of things can go undone around here. I do want to get back on my fly lady routine. That was one of the best things I ever did. But when I got really down with the Fibro, I stopped doing it. It is kind of like a diet......just getting started again is the biggest thing.
Well, just rambling, but I had told myself that I was going to do more journaling on my post this year. As far as my MR goes, things are pretty good. I have been more "touchy" and calling him "baby", etc. I thank him for the things he does for me around the house. At his family Christmas dinner, I made a point to tell how he helped me so much and that I couldn't make it without him. He just sat there and didn't say a word....but that's just his way. He probably was in shock that I said anything...LOL. He has been the one that has had the crud throughout the holidays and has had to push himself to make it. But anyway, we laugh and he at least listens when I try to talk now. That is the one change he did make! We have become much better friends now and that is a good beginning considering where we were and the fact I did not want to be here at all not too long ago. Seems like ages, but it really wasn't that long ago. I did not think I would ever have feelings for him again.....but they are returning. I had to get the "want to" fixed in my heart. It's a slow process.....for me. I'm so stubborn!
So, that is enough about me. Just wanted to give an update. I'll be dropping by to see all of you, if not today, probably tomorrow.
Love, Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
{{{Sandi}}} WOO HOO that you have had an enjoyable weekend/Christmas..I am SO thrilled and no one deserves it more than you YOU rock, in case no one has told you that today!
Love and hugs to you..hey stop by my thread sometime and see what one of your "girls" was up to last night
I think you should quit your job if the stress of that is making you worse, you could totally do a "disability" type thing if your doctor would write it..at least maybe for a bit to give your body and mind a break?
Tawnya
Me:39 H:40 D18/S12 M20/T21 Bomb 10/11/08 One Two Three Four
Tawnya, sweetie, you just don't know how much I wish I could resign from my job. The main thing that keeps me working is insurance and medical bills. It is very hard for a Fibromyalgia patient to get disability. I think they have to be almost bedfast. Also, you have to go like 6 months without doing any work and I can't afford to do that without any income coming in on my part. Also, you are automatically denied the first time you appy for disability. So, that means getting a lawyer and going before a board to decide if you are capable of doing ANYTHING in this world before they decide if you can draw anything. This all takes about a year. We went through all of that with our poor daughter and she was in a wheel chair unable to walk and her diabetes was soooo bad. And, after getting a lawyer and all of that, she only got particial disability....which is hadly anything....she sure couldn't live on it. There are so many things in this world that is unfair and that is one of those things. I see so many people drawing a big fat check that seems to be much healthier than my daughter, but maybe I am judging where I shouldn't be.
I do appreciate your thought and I should not have gotten off on such a "tail-spin". You will be afraid to suggest anything to me again.... I do like the work I do, but it can be very stressful at times. Years ago, it would not have bothered me as much as it does now. But, then I was healthy.... It gets stressful b/c everything seems to hit at one time. Also, there is a particular person that has been a thorn in my side since day one. I think that is the root of most of my stress there.
I think I am more concerned about my H not being able to hold out to work like he use to. Our Christmas was very, very lean this year due to that very reason. However, I did not allow it to bother me, where years ago, it would have about made me sick b/c I couldn't buy the gifts for everyone, etc. Maybe you learn and grow as you get older..... I was just happy and thankful that we could be together and be as well as we were. I still have my mother, which I consider to be very blessed. I still have my daughter when the doctors said she would not live. Everyone was togehter at Chrimas Eve except for my GS. Please continue to pray about that situation.....b/c I don't feel good about it. However, I know God can turn things around before he totally messes up his life. The angels have taken care of him in many situtations b/c of all the prayers going up on his behalf.
Tawnya, you are a special friend and bring so much of your sunny dispostition into a lot of people's post. Where I write until I burn people out......you can say just a few words, give a great big hug, and do more than I ever could. So, you keep up the good work around here, okay?
You are a treasure to me and I am so thankful God let me find you. Please take care and I pray that great blessings will come your way this coming year.
Love, Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Aww {{{Sandi}}} thank you so much for those kind words..WOW..thank you..actually I think you bring such kindness and encouragement that it is so fantastic..so for you to say that to me, really makes me smile..so thank you
You know, I work in a doctor's office and, you are right, fibro is a tough one to "prove" in the disability realm..tho I hate it for you..as even a small "time off" seems to be doing you so much good But I totally understand and I'm glad you like your job, that makes it easier in a way!
I take the prayer for the blessings coming my way this year and ask that they be multiplied back to you 100%! YOU ARE AWESOME!
Love Tawnya
Me:39 H:40 D18/S12 M20/T21 Bomb 10/11/08 One Two Three Four
I just finished reading through your original thread and ctaching up with you here. I am trully inspired and awed by how far you've come. It takes amaxing strength to make the journey you've made, and you are such a pillar for the rest of us.
I do like the work I do, but it can be very stressful at times. Years ago, it would not have bothered me as much as it does now. But, then I was healthy.... 
It gets stressful b/c everything seems to hit at one time. Also, there is a particular person that has been a thorn in my side since day one. I think that is the root of most of my stress there. 
I was just happy and thankful that we could be together and be as well as we were. I still have my mother, which I consider to be very blessed. I still have my daughter when the doctors said she would not live. Everyone was togehter at Chrimas Eve except for my GS. Please continue to pray about that situation.....b/c I don't feel good about it. However, I know God can turn things around before he totally messes up his life. The angels have taken care of him in many situtations b/c of all the prayers going up on his behalf. 