Piecing - Post Traumatic Stress?

[DownNotOut...yet]

I am wondering if anyone is or has experienced this???

First I want to say that DB'ing absolutely kept my marriage together. I've never had my own thread before this but I have lurked for a long time and coached a few people. I think I have been here nearly two years total.

Long story short, after 2 years of this mess and maybe 1.5 years of DB'ing (EA/PA, venom, bile, alien, blah, blah, blah) I am satisfied my wife if OP free, she even recently said that she has seen how much I've changed and how hard I tried and she now wants to start trying. She has. Things are honestly better but I am such a burnt out wreck that while I should be thrilled, with success possibly on the horizon, I've been starting to really look at an exit strategy. I have to continually keep telling myself to hang in there that ??THIS?? is what I was working/fighting for. My wife is now making an effort to be kind, affectionate and sometimes even sexy and I should be smiling and thrilled but instead I am smiling and thinking &*^$#%$!!! If you hadn't bled my dry of money these last two crazy years and I could sell our house, I'd be gone.

I often read Rob's threads and think "there's how to do it" but for me, all this PMA has exhausted me. I feel like I need to sleep for like a month.

It sounds so horrible but I can't help it. I know, I should be so lucky to have these problems but it's like I'm the new improved me, if I just got rid of my crazy bitch wife I would be great (who I still love (crazy huh?)).

It's like I been on edge for so long, I forgot how to feel normal or at ease. I guess I was a crappy detacher.

Sorry, that this is part rant but this is a real appeal to see if anyone else is feeling anything like this.

Thanks

[saffie]

My guess is your on the 'rebound' phase.

We spend so long working on keeping it all together and saving the M and improving ourselves...that when our S comes back on board we suddenly feel the balance of power change......and then we relax enough to let the resentment that was hidden behind the panic before reveal itself.

I think what you are feeling is not uncommon. Try to work through it.....it is worth it.......honest.

I found this phase almost as bad as the 'bomb' phase.

[DownNotOut...yet]

Could you elaborate on the balance of power? That is an interesting statement. I've kind been coming to a conclusion or formulating a sort hypothesis that the person who cares the least about the relationship is the one who wields the power. Seems like sort of a bummer. Also, I am sort of not digging the idea of having "power" in a relationship. Pre-bomb, I never thought of having more or less power. More like we were a team and because were believed in each other, that was OUR power. Oh well, so much for my sugar plum and fairies view of the world.

[saffie]

I think you are right when you say that the one that wants the R the least has the most power. That's exactly it.

When my H told me about his A and my world fell in, he had what felt to me like all the power in the R. Up until then I thought we were a team....but then he had the power to rip apart our world and destroy it all. I made huge changes, ( that did need making anyway), and actually my H did make changes too......but many on here have S's that don't seem to change all that much. Even though my H did make changes, I realised once we hit the safe, non crisis zone, that I felt a lot of hurt at what my H had been able to do, and that caused me to get resentful. I did nearly walk at that point.

Gradually things improved. I would be lying if I said that I never think that perhaps it would have been better to split, but I do KNOW deep inside that would have been wrong. I love my H very much....and he has shown time and time again that he wants to be with me. Sometimes...just sometimes though, some resentment will surface in me for what he did....and that's when I have to put my DB face on and just act as if until the feeling goes away again.

I don't think the M will ever be in a situation where I feel I am not having to work at it. That's one thing that I have learnt - my M got into trouble because we didn't work at it enough. If something is worth having it is worth fighting for and looking after.

[daybyday]

hey dnoy,
i'was also where you are now. my awas recommitted in may. things were just like they said. honeymoon period, lots of affection, all that good stuff. then things cooled a bit. thats when my resentment started to surface. it is a power thing. no doubt about it. deep down i think our spouses found that they kind of liked the power they had over us. we really had no choice . we had to yield whatever power we had to save the marriage. thats where my resentment came in. but i have to say, it is getting back to normal. i think yours will too. its just going take time to get thoughts of OP out of your mind. i think also, that we can help balance the power a little more by not being so available. detaching a tad. more gal. when i start to do this, wife steps ups and acts like i wish she would. but its kind of vicious circle. she draws me back, which causes me to be more available, i stop gal, she backs off my resentment sets in yada yada. but, these instances are becoming fewer as time goes on. i think yours will too. but i really think the key is to get on with YOUR life. the power 5hing will sort itself out. saffie gives great advice. just adding my two cents. daybyday

[JAK58]

[/quote] i think also, that we can help balance the power a little more by not being so available. detaching a tad. more gal. when i start to do this, wife steps ups and acts like i wish she would. but its kind of vicious circle. she draws me back, which causes me to be more available, i stop gal, she backs off my resentment sets in yada yada. but, these instances are becoming fewer as time goes on. i think yours will too. but i really think the key is to get on with YOUR life. the power 5hing will sort itself out. saffie gives great advice. just adding my two cents. daybyday
[quote]

wow this is where I am to the tee!!!

JAK