Is she is or is she ain't (my baby)?

[forward]

Sleeper,

Good. Keep posting about yourself. Your feelings. Your progress. What you've learned and what you're learning about yourself.

Start living as if your W is not going to come back.

[sleeper]

Today a young lady at work who I've been eating lunch with verified I was single and then invited me to a New Years party at her house.

I accepted.

New Years seems pretty far off. I'm thinking about asking her out before then.

[sleeper]

Yen and Yang are in full effect.

I got turned down for a used car loan today by my bank. The bank I've had an account at for 18 years. This is the first time in my life I've ever been turned down for a loan. The loan officer said my debt ratio was too high. Financials have not been finalized in the D and this probably played a part in this. I assume I'm showing the debt we incurred as a couple but only my income as we are divorced and I checked single on the form.

I'm really frustrated because I struggled over the decision of whether to purchase another vehicle or keep repairing the one I'm driving for a couple of weeks now.

I guess I better call a couple of garages and schedule some repairs.

[forward]

Sleeper, D is probably part of it, but markets are awfully tight these days, too.

[sleeper]

I probably shouldn't be surprised.

I checked single (because I am) and only showed my income but I'm sure ALL "our" debt came up under my name when they ran the credit check as the financials are not finalized. I'm going to email my L and get this D completed.

Daughter called to a tell me her Christmas program at school was tonight. She is in both the choir and orchestra, the two groups that performed this evening. She was in the choir last year and I bought her a used violin, signing her up for the orchestra at the beginning of this school year.

I was able to attend the program and I'm glad I did. When I arrived X was already there sitting with DS as he was not in the program. When she saw me comming she had DS move over so I could sit by her (whatever). The children's performance was very good and I was impressed with the orchestra as they didn't sound anything like fingernails on a blackboard.

When the program was over and we turned around to leave OM was several rows back as he had arrived after me. He said hi to DD and X and left, telling X he would call her later. Their R is weird, no touching, kissing etc.

I did a little Christmas shopping on the way home and I'm feeling OK about the loan thing. I know it will work out in time.

I guess yen and yang really are in effect as I can't get a car loan and X can't get health insurance.

[sleeper]

Something else happened tonight.

In the parking lot I realized how DD's rape at 35 months may have affected X (who was molested as a child by her father). This must have caused X to re-live her own sexual abuse (we had major sexual relation issues).

The first marriage counselor we saw after DD was raped mentioned to me in individual session, "Do you realize you are the same age X's father was when he molested X?" I recognized the importance of that fact but not its weight.

At bomb X said she could never date a man who had children (a father). OM has no children. She also called me "daddy" once at bomb.

This is freeing in a way because I now feel this whole thing has less to do with me than I had realized (before tonight). I have little to do with it at all.

"All the world's a stage and all the men and women merely players" Shakespeare

It would really be nice to play a part in your own life.

Ya know?

[Andabelle]

She is probably not conscious of the connection. I wonder how she will feel about OM as he ages and starts to look like someone's daddy (or grandpa)? That R is seriously doomed.

Hang in there.

[sleeper]

Funny you mentioned that because it made me realize something.

I'm 6 ft, OM is 6 ft 4 or 5 in. That's the same height X's grandfather was (her grandfather and grandmother were the only stability in her life, dying about 15 months apart, the grandfather died last and triggered this mlc). OM is a type A, squeaky clean cut kinda guy just like her grandfather. He's even the same religion (although boinking someone you're not married to is against that religion).

Do any of us have control over our lives?

Who keeps hitting the repeat button anyway?

Oh and here's one for ya. DS didn't look like me when he was born (as a baby his smile looked like my dad's) but he is beginning to look more and more like me. He even wears his hair the exact same way I did when I was his age. I recently saw an old picture of me at my mom's house and at first thought it was my son.

DD has always looked like me but is acquiring more and more of X's mannerisms.

[Imageer]

This is freeing in a way because I now feel this whole thing has less to do with me than I had realized (before tonight). I have little to do with it at all.

You are right, this is not about you, you are only the target of it. It's the same in my case and in several other people on here.

you may think that you have no control but you do. You can control yourself and how you act. Use that to build attraction and to show your W that you can offer her the support she needs

[forward]

I read a book about R patterns and it pointed out how when we choose partners, we are unconsciously repeating patterns.

Sleeper, take it easy & take care of yourself during holidays.