Reminds me of my sitch in 2004. Those were tough times yet there was value in them. We ended up losing on sale of house. Well I did anyway. Was gasping for my next breath just to stay alive while XW wanted to sell house and had OM head up the moving party when she moved out. That was a pivotal day for me. When I found out I truly wanted to die.
Chazz,
HOLY SH!T!!! Your exW and OM were a pair..... How did the conversation go the following week with their "Christian" friends?
Originally Posted By: ChristianFriend
How was your week brother?
Originally Posted By: SoCalledChristianOM
Well, you know _____? She and I are having an affair. I helped her move out of the house she shared with her husband and children. How was your week?
You think they would not have flaunted their A.... They simply have no clue.......
I am by no means minimizing your pain, Chazz.... I HAVE SO been there... It just makes me POed thinking about how these "Christian" people defecate on their M vows and then blaze off.... They are who they are.....
Take Care,
RMG
Last edited by RMG77739; 11/05/0808:54 PM.
"The bad things in life open your eyes to the good things you weren't paying attention to before." from "Good Will Hunting"
RMG, there are lots of stories in these forums about so-called Christians cheating on their spouses and having the unmitigated gaul to parade their illicit paramours before the congregation on Sunday morn. My own W still considers herself a faithful Christian to the point she has rationalized in her mind that her happiness is what God wants for her, whatever the cost. For a real injustice that will set your teeth on edge, go look up Lovely Olive's story, for example (I hope you won't mind, LO, me using you as a reference.) That one will only underscore Chazz's distrust for churches.
Those more expensive toys are what I'm worried about. S7 is already so enamored of cars that I think he's going to want to immerse himself in expensive undertakings. His older cousins are already involved in race cars (for real) with their dad, and S7 has already said he wants to be a race car driver himself. But at least I can convince a boy he needs to get a job before he begins to think along those lines.
S3, thankfully, just wants to deal with Transformers and Dinosaurs right now.
We had a pretty awful day today, the boys and I. Each of them had very bad behaviors today at their schools.
I talked to one of S3's teachers. He had thrown a block at one of his fellows and hit him in the head. That was bad enough, but it got worse. Then he spit in another kid's face. But the one thing he did that has really gotten me and his teachers concerned is that he grabbed the leg of one of his classmates on the jungle gym and tried to pull them off -- not once but several times, even after he had been warned.
Nobody can tell me what went on to cause his behavior to turn so bad.
But before I could pick S3 up from preschool (I usually pick him up before S7 to give his older brother more time at the YMCA's rides-out after-school program) I got a call from one of the counselors that we needed to pick S7 up ASAP because he was behaving seriously bad.
First, S7 had again been late to his rides-out meeting after school (the third time now) and had argued with his counselors and refused to give them the attention and respect he knows he is supposed to.
Then he somehow got an ink pen while they were assembled in the school gym and proceeded to scribble/mark up a large section of the floor in black ink. He got ink all over a wide area and on his clothing. The staff was trying to clean up the mess as best they could when I arrived. The couselors relayed the incidents to me and told me that S7 was being suspended from the Rides-In/Rides-Out program for one day as punishment. I know that if they cannot clean up the damage sufficiently then the Y is going to have to pay to have it repaired/replaced -- and they will surely forward those charges to me and W to pay. It might even mean that the school itself might suspend S7.
Needless to say this is serious.
I was quiet and said hardly anything on the drive back home after picking them both up. I don't know what I'm going to do. We've tried everything with S7, and with S3. Nothing seems to work. I now feel like we have, at W's insistence, failed to administer the right amount of corporal punishment as a means to discipline our children. Despite professing early on in the belief that sparing the rod spoils the child, since having our sons W has reneged on this stance, refuses to even "go there", even if it were for their sake. She has insisted instead that we try every other means of discipline first. Well we have, and we've no run out of other options.
We once both believed as I do now, that as long as it is not abusive and in love for the child, you have to just love a child enough to not rule out corporal punishment where appropriate. We have since parted ways on that -- I acquiesced, deferring to my wife and their mother ... and now I fear the chickens have come home to roost.
---
On another note, I am also in some emotional pain tonight because S7 had been given an assignment in class to write about one of his grandparents. This included gathering photos of that grandparent when they were at the grandchild's current age. Well, while talking with W, it came out that S7 had chosen W's own mother to write about -- yes, my MIL.
I have been struggling with this since S7 announced this a couple of days ago. In case any of you are unaware, my MIL is sin incarnate. I was kind to her and even took her into my home, and she repaid my kindness with treachery and deceit by aiding and abetting my W's A and advising her to end our M. The MIL has even blessed a union between OM and my W! I know the person ultimately responsible for this infidelity and for destroying my M is my W, but I am having a very difficult time in not hating (Lord Almighty, please help me) this vile, treacherous person, my MIL.
I can forgive a lot of things done to me in this life. But I cannot abide people who purposely lead others astray just to satisfy their own selfish ends. Committing adultery oneself, three times even, is bad enough, but encouraging your own child to pursue the same damnable offense goes beyond the pale.
So when W forwarded me some email attachments sent to her from MIL, pictures of MIL when she was S7's age, I balked. It kills my soul that S7 chose this woman (please, anyone but her) who contributed to the destruction of his family and thus threatening the security of his future. Lord, I just don't know if I can really forgive her -- she's so frakking unrepentant and nasty. And I just don't want her having any influence on my S's lives anymore than she has already.
But as a follower of Christ, I know I must try to forgive her, just as I must try to forgive my W. So I reluctantly printed out these old photos -- all the while tears were welling up in my eyes, I am so conflicted.
I love my S's so much that I won't let my animosity towards their wicked grandmother prevent me from doing right by them. I love them more than I can hate her.
HOLY SH!T!!! Your exW and OM were a pair..... How did the conversation go the following week with their "Christian" friends?
RMG... OM was a former friend. By all accounts, they seemed to have started an EA years before we broke up. OM and his wife were friends of ours as couples.
My W and I separated.... weeks later OM ditched his wife... weeks later, my W and OM were spending time together. Family freaked out so they went underground.
It was all tres-ugly. I could not handle it. Drank heavily. Discovered cocaine. Ya... it was bad. Not that the sitch wasnt bad enough... my coping mechanisms were none-existent. That made it worse.
Anyway... ya. So now the two of them are in "Ministry" together. The scarier thing is that it is all accepted. THat is the barometer of the church as I have experienced it.
Anyway... the more amazing thing is what God can do with situations such as these and people like me. Am clean and sober a few years now. Am not just getting my life back.... am getting a life better than the one I had because it is more real. Feels more honest. Thats one of the reasons I find the lack of authenticity in some church groups so... uncomfortable is the best I can say.
Anyway... a new day has arrived. My new W is amazing. Lots of good going on. Lots to be grateful for. And I seem to be gaining some recovery in my Christian Fellowship journey.
I truly believe the enemy tried to destroy me with all of this. Frankly, I think God is doing something good with it.
RMG... sorry... forgot to reply to second part of your post.
My XW avoided any Christian friends. Her family went ape-[censored] over the event. She and I had not yet completed divorce. They put their foot down and demanded she get him out of her life until her D was complete. And keep him away from our kids.
I ended up in treatment a few months later in another city. So didnt do much good. Am sure the party really heated up then.
So whatever. It is all complicated, convaluded and painful. God will do somehting with it. If nothing else, my story of recovery is here for the next yuppie who blows his life out on drugs and booze over a broken heart.
OMG, I think we are on the same rollercoaster, fellas. Kids melting down at the drop of a hat, and me, still worried about losing the kids even though I have temp sole custody and a restraining order. (Stop trippin' Goldey) Can I get off, please? I'm getting dizzy. Rant in progress: I can't believe how our "Christian" friends have passed judgement so quickly. You'd think I was an axe-murderer. It must be easier to blame the doormat, than to call a spade a spade. I gotta get some new friends. Peace.
Me:44, WAW hx bi-polar H:48, hx of abuse S:22, S:19, D:16 Filed Oct 08, dismissed Filed again Jan 10, dismissed Now Piecing alter persona: SuperBoots
I, too, am very silent when the girls are in trouble. Its not so much anger, as it is silent frustration and even sadness. Silence is better when you can't form words to have a talk with them anyway.
What was today like? Did you let W know about the problems? What does she think? With S7's issues, I am sure its harder to discipline him (taking away fun things, keeping him home during outings, etc).
